Getting Resolutions Right - Small Things Make BIG Differences

It's a common practice to review the past year on New Year's Eve and then make resolutions for the upcoming year. For me, the key is to make realistic resolutions, otherwise they become nothing more than a fantasy or just a meaningless activity to do on New Year's Eve.

But what makes resolutions realistic? They have to be something within your capability to do and something you are inspired to actually carry out. Most of us are guilty of putting the big ticket items on our list. Where we fail ourselves there is we fail to map out steps to achieve them. And so, they just bump along as "done" or "not done" and generate stress for us as just more things we have to do or have failed to do.

I decided a few years back, that I didn't want the stress and pressures of unkeepable resolutions. And I didn't want to make a laundry list of one and done items. Instead, I wanted to set up resolutions that enriched my quality of life. Items that would bring joy to my life and I could look forward to doing them which in turn meant I actually WOULD do them. Not just once, but nearly every day, if not actually every day. And most importantly, I would lay down each night in peace instead of a sense of dread, stress and failure.

Here are the items that have made it onto my New Year's Resolution:

Make sure my loved ones know how much they mean to me and that I love them

This may seem like such a simple thing as to be undeserving to reign so high on a Resolution list that it takes top spot. But can you honestly say when was the last time you made a loved one aware of how much they mean to you? I found that without realizing it, I basked in the comfort of love to the point, I started failing to make it expressly known. I remained quick to lash out my disappointments and grievances but became completely stingy with doling out appreciation and sentiments of love. One of the top killers of all relationships is the feeling of being unappreciated or unloved. I never want anyone I hold dear to wonder what their place is in my heart. It costs me the same time and energy to express loving words as it does to be unkind. Going forward, I choose to spend my time and energies more wisely. So, this very deservingly takes the number one spot on my Resolutions list.

Find joy and happiness in all that I do

We don't want to do everything we find ourselves having to do, but that doesn't mean we have to wallow in misery about it. I think one of the biggest lessons I've learned throughout my life is that people can be found being joyous and happy even in some of the most destitute of circumstances. There is no reason why I can not or should not find joy and happiness in all that I do. Regardless of how menial or unpleasant the task is at hand, I do have control over my attitude. An uplifted spirit does seem to make unpleasantries easier to bare. And if I'm going to have an infectious spirit, I would much rather spread joy and happiness than hate and discontent.

Find time to do something just for yourself every day

You would think this would come easy, and yet, I, as do many others I'm sure, find that at the end of the day, I have so busily served the needs of everyone else around me, the well is too dry to do anything for myself. I'm not talking about running our own errands, although those are certainly important, too. Rather, I am talking about doing something that is completely and utterly for your own self. For instance, Monday through Friday, I buy myself an early morning Latte and I tip 25%. I don't make the living wage per hour of $15 that everyone pushes for, but I am thankfully able to manage this purchase comfortably enough. And yet, I have had so many people chastise me for such an utterly and complete waste of money on an overly expensive coffee. Yes, it is nearly $8 per day, or $40 per week or $160 a month. I am highly aware of the expense involved. But, that is my gift to myself and the tip is my appreciation to the Barista that makes this little luxury a reality for me. When people chastise me, it is as if they are telling me, that I am unworthy of having that small thing for myself. I politely remind them that I could just as easily spend that money on a wide variety of other things, but a morning Latte is what I choose to spend it on. After all, I AM also the person that earned that money AND all my bills are covered, AND I AM worth it.

But doing something for yourself doesn't even have to involve money at all. It can be alone time. Watching a favorite tv show. Chatting online with a friend. Playing a computer game. Taking a nap. Going for a walk. Meditating. Absolutely anything that is for YOU! My two luxuries in this regard are reading and writing.

Do some small kindness for others every day

I put doing something for myself ahead of this one, because it was harder and came less naturally than doing for others. But, I have found that I get so lost in the hurly burly of the day that I can become impersonal, curt, sharp, and even insensitive. I find myself forgetting that behind the onscreen names, or the faces staring at me with questions, there are living breathing people with thoughts, ideas, and feelings. By anchoring myself with small kindnesses for others every day, it helps me to remember. It makes me gentler, kinder, softer. Some days this comes easy. Other days I have to work harder at it when the four walls of life squeeze in. I realize, that just as I'm pressured up, so are others. Small, sincere, acts of kindness, as simple as a thank you, can change the tone of an entire day for someone or several someones, including me.

Stay in touch with friends and family more frequently

This was another one that I took for granted. I literally lose track of time. The pandemic of the past two years has exacerbated the separateness between me and family and friends. It seems crazy that I can think of people and not realize the amount of time that has passed since I last interacted with them. It's as though I expect they will always exist. But that isn't true as I learned so painfully. I had a friend that I communicated with sporadically. It was nothing to fall off for weeks or months at a time without direct communication. But I would see social media posts and "kept up." This past March, I went looking for that friend because I realized I hadn't seen any social media posts in a long while. When I got to their profile page, there was an announcement from five months previous that the person had taken their life and it shared when services would be. I was shocked to my core. I've struggled with the fact that someone disappeared and I didn't notice until months afterward. So, staying in touch with friends and family more frequently definitely needs to be on my Resolutions list.

Advance my personal growth

Life isn't stagnant and we shouldn't be either. As a Baby Boomer, the world I was born into was a much different world than the one I live in today. And this world will be even more different still in another 20 or 30 years. I don't know how many more years I'll be graced to live, or what changes will occur in those years, but I do know that I need to be prepared to meet them. Personal growth can be so many different things. It can be education about current events and trends or education on a hobby, a craft, or an interest. I want to use whatever ways I can to stretch myself so as not to become a relic of my birth and initial upbringing. I want to be a living work in progress right up until my very end.

Always be open to opportunities in whatever form they present themselves

This one basically equates to embracing change, to not be so locked into an absolute that you can't see the forest for the trees. Too many times we succumb to the words "can't" and "couldn't". But that was merely half of the situation. Once we figure out what "can't" or "couldn't" be done, we can move on to determine what can be done. I always like to think of things like a road trip. Perhaps you get far along the way and suddenly the road ends. If you were on a vacation and still wasn't at your destination and the road you were on suddenly ended, I daresay one would back track to a point where you had options to go forward again. And from that point, you would weigh your options of how to get where you needed to be. Sometimes a "can't" or "couldn't" is just eliminating things so that you can see new things, new answers, new options, new ways forward. I want to always have it in me when confronted with situations, changes, endings, beginnings, to be able to see the glass half full instead of half empty. To live life with an attitude of excitement of where the next thing leads instead of flat lining in dreariness and despair. And if going forward isn't the direction to go, then I'll go sideways, backwards, downwards or upwards. The point is, to be open minded enough to see the big picture.

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So, above was the list I came up with for my New Year's Resolutions. I'm sure there are other items that I may add to it over time, but these are a good start of things that I felt I should be able to realistically accomplish. Also, these items put into daily practice would be a self-rewarding cycle that perpetuates me to do them again and again. And most importantly, when I lay down each night, I will have a sense of peace about a day well lived, instead of stressing about things I didn't do. This list will let me escape the annual list making followed by a sense of failure I've had in years past when my list included things like make more money, go viral, triple my business, solve xxx problem.

If I've learned anything at all in all my years of making New Year's Resolutions, small things can make BIG differences. And, it's the smallest of moments, and the simplest of things that can level up the quality of life.

Whatever you choose to put on your New Year's Resolutions list, I hope they are things that enrich your life, bring you a sense of purpose, fulfillment, accomplishment and most importantly, inner peace.

Happy New Year!