Four ways to handle a energy vampire

That unexplainable sense of exhaustion you feel after the conversation with that person.

You feel you are drained off all your life energy and a slight gloom sets in (even though you had just finished a heavy dinner with that person).

You have just met a energy vampire.

Unfortunately, the chances of you meeting them again and having to go through the same dreaded feeling is high.

Though the term “energy vampire” seems scary, they are not necessarily terrible people per se.

They could be your family, best friend, co-worker or the charming person everyone gets along just fine but just not you. Heck, they may even be life and soul of the party, the most kindest person but you just do not feel good.

Is there something wrong with you?

May be not.

The part where I met them...

Social media confirms that I am a empath and so does 90 % of pins I saved from Pinterest.

Before I identify with a new pop culture term, let me tell this - I am and have always been a very sensitive person with some funny to disastrous results in the past.

This included crying incessantly at inspiring moments in action movies much to the amusement of my friends and on a brighter side ability to connect on a deeper level with my loved ones and to thrive on creative pursuits.

Sensitive people are very “sensitive” (surprise!) to the energy of the people they talk to and being around a crowd exhaust them easily as if the entire crowd is powered by their energy.

I have met my share of “energy vampires” - a best friend from college, a relationship but they are wonderful people in theory and they meant no harm (as far as I can recount) even in the tiniest way possible.

All they wanted was a good life for everyone and especially me and they assured of their intentions multiple times through repeated advises and conversations. They identified a soul to be saved and were persistent in other pursuit.

This included life lessons to control my anger, to take wise finance decisions, to react to situations and particularly how to react when I sometimes get fed up and ended up arguing with them.

They thrived in taking a “How to live your life” masterclass everytime I had an interaction with them. They were older than me just by a few years but had gained enough wisdom for a lifetime I guess.

“You are easily offended. If I said so, you should have reached in such a way”

I was constantly remainded.

I was convinced something was wrong with me.

Maybe I needed this fixing and I was glad they were around help me.

Inexplicably, everytime I had a conversation with them even without the advices, even in happier moments I was left completely drained and in a state of confusion.

The part where I became one...

It was early 2019 and I was recovering from a plethora of personal issues. I was suffering from a mix of self loathing and loneliness.

A gush of envy used to overtake me whenever I met anyone doing slightly better than me (per my judgements) and I could see that I was pushing away people.

I chose to agree with whatever the people in my circle said just with the intention of being accepted. Heartfelt conversations were a rarity and I was even more despising the fake persona that I was building.

I would spend motivating people and would go out of my way to help them handing out career advice and life advice readily.

With a year of moving this way, situations and honest conversation with my loved ones made me realise that I had become a energy vampire.

I had become someone giving out so much negativity that I was told that the only reason they held on to me was because they knew the real person behind.

That prompted me to introspect and work on the deeper issues I had.

I am on the right path I can say..

So here are 4 ways you can guard your sanity if you have to encounter a energy vampire or are living with one.

If possible, keep your distance from them

This is as simple as not being available to them all the time. If you can politely move away from them then it would be of great help to you. This could mean moving to a different room in a hostel or even moving to a new location. You take the call.

Arguments don’t help. Period.

You can fight them off nor you can fix them into being a non- energy vampire because in that case you fall in their same category. The best way to defend is to keep yourself busy with your life and if your conversation with them veer towards arguments , tell them you are too tired to argue and steer clear from that topic subtely. Fierce statements and emotions will drain you even further. So is explaining yourself to them. It’s counterproductive.

You live with them. Now what to do?

Take frequent me times and use these small blocks to go about with your daily work but in isolation and be in your own bubble. This can be listening to music while doing dishes (win -win!), going for a evening walk alone, choosing a different spot for work. All these help you replenish your energy.

Draw clear boundaries

Setting clear boundaries is applicable to people of any kind not just for those who drain us.

It is worth remembering that it is not a expression of love to put up with conversations or activities that leave you in a gloomy state - It’s self sabotage.

Listen to your gut instinct and keep your cool and if possible leave the situation.

Final thoughts…

We are surrounded my people of all kind and perceptions we will encounter energy vampires at all stages of life.

Is there a way we can avoid them at all or worse becoming one?

Then trust the energy you feel when you meet a new person and not the opinions you get from people around you.

As for not becoming one, please take time to address issues which are steering you towards living a life based on fear and turning you into a person who you cannot live with.

Talk to your therapist and take regular breaks and remember it is a honest journey.

That should be a good start.