Fortunes Agenda

Clem was pondering the laws of relativity from today’s lesson with Professor Sharpe whilst walking home from class. She stopped at the traffic lights as they turned amber. The girl next to her, who she couldn’t help but notice as she wore a floor length black dress, a large sunhat and sunglasses that were nearly as large, just ran on across. Clem herself wore a jacket and a woolen hat, as it was February, and the sun was nowhere to be seen. Some things fell from the bag on the girls back. Clem bent to retrieve the items, but before she could call the girl back, she looked up and seen her chunky soled boots peek from under her long flowing skirt and step onto the kerb opposite, and cars began whooshing past Clems face. She stood and took a step back from the traffic, clutching a small black notebook, and a velvet pouch.

Once the lights changed again Clem followed the way the girl had went. She could still see the wide hat in the crowd ahead of her. Weaving her way through, she just kept sight of the girl long enough to see her turn into a store. Once she got closer she realised it was a butchers. The door dinged as she entered.

‘$13 please Miss,’ said the butcher as the girl opened her bag and was shuffling through it.

‘No, no, no!’ she cried, and Clem realised she was probably looking for the pouch she had found, assuming she used it as a purse. She was just about to tell the girl she had dropped it, when the girl turned to the butcher and said, ‘Forget the money, I can do this on my own,’ and she looked the confused man in the eye, her own eyes turning black as night. Clem felt the air in the shop still and she stepped back. The air began to move as the girl raised her hands towards the man. Terrified the girl would notice her and turn it on her, Clem ran through the plastic, tassel curtain leading to the back of the shop.

The stench of blood hit her as soon as she stepped through the curtain, slabs of meat hung from the ceiling, benches were covered in red stains and large knives, but at least the air felt normal again. Whatever the girl was doing, she couldn’t feel it back here. She stood as close as felt safe and listened. Eventually the sound of wind stopped blowing in the other room, and the ding of the door chimed again. Clem pulled back some of the tassels to make sure the girl was gone. The room was empty. The butcher was also gone from behind the counter. When Clem got closer to it, she heard a little ‘oink.’ Peeking over the counter, staring back up at Clem was a fat, pink, little pig. Clem let out a squeal of her own, and ran from the store.

She didn’t stop running for a while. She thought perhaps she could run until she forgot that she had just witnessed a girl turn a man into a pig. She didn’t know what else to do. Should she call someone? Who could you call to report such a thing? Eventually her running and thinking plan proved futile, and she stopped to catch her breath.

‘Spare change miss?’ said a voice from behind her. She turned to see that she had stopped near a homeless man sitting on a piece of cardboard in the alley behind her. Clem reached into her pocket and pulled out the velvet pouch of the girls, forgetting she had slipped it and the notebook in there when she was hiding in the butchers. She hadn’t brought her own purse with her to class so she figured she could replace whatever money she took from it when she got home.

She opened the pouch to find a very large amount of paper notes. Clems eyes widened. She had no idea how much was there, but it seemed like a lot. What was that girl doing with all this money? She pulled out a note to inspect, it looked as real of a $20 note as she had ever seen.

‘That’s very generous of you,’ said the homeless man who had spied the 20 in her hands.

‘Right, sorry,’ she said as she handed it over. But as soon as the note slipped from her fingers, the man’s fingers disappeared and the note floated to the floor. Clem gasped and stepped into the alley, hoping no one else had noticed a man disappear into thin air. She bent to retrieve the $20, and that’s when she heard the clucking. There in amongst the pile of cardboard and sleeping bags, was a small chicken.

In a panic, she picked up the chicken and put it in her bookbag, careful not to close it all the way so air would still get in. Thankfully, she had ran in the general direction of her dorm room. She walked back quickly, every now and then a small cluck came from her bag.

The silent prayers she sent up hoping her fellow housemates wouldn’t be in went unanswered as they are all in the sitting room when she got in. The room she needed to walk through to get to her bedroom.

‘Hey Clem, we were just about to put a movie on if you want to join?’ one of them asked. Before Clem could reply, a much louder series of clucks came from her bag, causing them all to stare at it.

‘What the fuck is that?’

‘Ah that’s my new ringtone. I thought it was fun, but I guess you need my sense of humour. Probably my mom calling so I better get that. Enjoy your movie,’ she shouted at them as she hurried past and released a breath of relief when she was on the other side of her closed door. She let the chicken out of her bag, and it flew wildly to the ground, wings flapping, and continuing its screaming.

‘Will you shut up!’ and to her surprise, it actually listened to her. She had almost forgotten it was a man turned chicken and not just a regular chicken. ‘If you stay calm, I can hear myself think, and try to figure out what to do. Deal?’ and the chicken bobbed its little head up and down as it stared up at her from the ground. She reached into her bag and found a granola bar, which she crumbled up and set down for the chicken, who quickly started pecking away.

‘Thank you. Now, why did this girl have a pouch full of cash, and how the hell did you become a chicken and the butcher a pig?’

Clem began her search for answers with the pouch. She sat at her desk and poured the contents out and began counting. $20,000, if she included the 20 she had given the homeless man/chicken. Thinking perhaps the notebook would reveal the reasons behind the girl having the money, she opened it for a look next.

The first page read: 'Property of Naomi Fortune.'

Clem flicked though to the next page and the top of it read: 'The Animal Eater Curse.' Followed by a list of ingredients. The line that most caught her attention was: 'Spell will cast on intended when they are handed the enchanted money. They will turn into whatever animal they last consumed.'

So, this girl Naomi had enchanted $20,000 to turn people into animals. That’s why when she handed some of it to the man, he became a chicken, because that must be the last animal he ate. And the spell didn’t work on Clem herself, because she found the money, she was never handed it. She didn’t know what Naomi had done to the butcher, perhaps she had some kind magic that meant she didn’t always need the money? Clem was more of a science girl than a magic girl.

She continued looking through the notebook, hoping to find a reversal to the spell cast on the man, to turn him back. But the rest of the pages that were filled, simply had names of places. Mostly stores. The first one listed was Martin’s Meats, the butchers they had been to. He must have been her first intended victim. Clem quickly figured, since there was no reversal listed, and Naomi clearly had magic she could use, she must find her and get her to turn this chicken back into the man. The next store on the list was Furbulous fashion.

***

The next morning Clem decided to skip class and make an early start to town. She wanted to escape the house before risking another clucking bag incident. She had passed the fur store before, so she decided to just head there and wait out Naomi’s appearance.

She sat on a bench across the street, occasionally dipping her granola clad hand into her bag to feed the chicken. After two hours waiting, Clem recognised the chunky boots and long skirt stepping over the threshold of the store. She darted across the street, and caught the door behind Naomi before it closed. The store seemed empty apart from her and Naomi, and one lady behind the counter.

‘Excuse me, could I get some help please?’ Naomi said to the woman, as she stood next to a brown fur coat.

‘We carry more sizes in the back if that’s what you need?’ said the woman, and Clem took this as her chance to chime in.

‘Yes please, I need it in the next size down,’ she said as she went and stood next to Naomi, who gave her a death glare.

‘Certainly, I’ll be right back.’

‘Who the hell are you?’ barked Naomi.

‘Look I have your notebook and your money, but I need you to do something for me first.’

‘You stole from me?’ said Naomi, her eyes started to turn black as they had in the butchers.

‘Take it easy, I didn’t steal them, you dropped them,’ said Clem as she retreated behind a rail of furs. ‘I just need you to turn this man back, and they are yours, you can do what you like, you obviously have your reasons.’

‘Of course, I have my reasons, animals are our friends! These people deserve to be eaten, or used for fur more than any creature!’

‘I won’t argue, just please, this man was turned by accident, he isn’t on your list,’ Clem pleaded as she held the chicken up.

‘You’ll return my things as soon as I change him?’

‘Yes.’

Naomi stared at the chicken, and Clem felt the wind in the store move. She closed her eyes as it got more intense, until she no longer felt the chicken feathers in her hands, but she held onto the waist of the homeless man from yesterday.

‘There, now give me?’ Naomi demanded.

‘Thank you,’ said both Clem and the man at once. Clem handed Naomi the money and the notebook.

‘Wait where’s the pou…’ started Naomi as she reached out and touched the money. Clem had decided to leave the money out of the pouch as a test. One Naomi failed, because now standing in front of her was a black and white cow.

‘I guess she is one of the people who deserve to be eaten,’ Clem said to the man.

The woman reappeared in the store carrying another fur coat, which she dropped as she gasped at the mooing animal in the middle of her store.

‘Should we make a moo-ve?’ said the man.

‘No time for jokes, run!’ Clem said and the man ran for the door, Clem quickly scooped up the book and money before following.