FAT in Film

I was always a shy and obedient child; molded into obeying- don't ask questions, just do as you're told. I followed along to whatever any adult ever told me to do because I wasn't taught that I was allowed to think for myself. I didn't even know I could. I wore what I was told, ate what I was told, went where I was told, and so forth. It was my life until I found out that I had a voice and I was allowed to use it. Once it started, it just never stopped.

I was always an overweight, nerdy, keep to myself young girl and I suppose that once I found out that I could have a voice through writing, I fell in love. I began writing creative stories and poems at the young age of nine, and it just didn't stop. As I got older, into my teen years, I expressed my feelings, and as a romantic, I was able to get that all out of me by pouring it into poems then later on, moving into short stories. While I thought I was having fun being able to still be a loner and get out what I wanted, I didn't realize at the time that I was perfecting my craft into who I would later become in life.

Adulthood came and I was still an overweight, nerdy, keep to myself kind of girl, so needless to say, when I announced that I wanted to step into the film and modeling world, it was a shock to a lot of people- and a lot of unsupportive people at that. It didn't matter though. I knew that for nearly 20 years, through all the happenings of life, having kids, obtaining a career, getting divorced- I still had a burning passion for writing and film, especially. I wanted to pursue it, no matter what anyone said. Melissa McCarthy did it, and well! Why couldn't I?

So, there I was, in my mid-twenties, now stepping foot into a modeling and film agency where I felt so out of place. I literally wanted to just throw in the towel and leave, even before I ever started. I was embarrassed and ashamed of my body and thought maybe all the people who laughed at me were right. Still, I somehow got the courage to stay and find out what I should do. They seemed accepting though; to start that is. Of course, after they buttered me up and got my money for all the modeling shots that they made me schedule with their photographer, they dropped it on me- I was no good and they probably could never use me because I was an overweight white chick with dyed black hair. I was told that I would never do anything high fashion, I would never do runway, I would never be used for anything except possibly a "mommy role on a sitcom", but only under the circumstances that I changed my hair color. And guess what? For a time, I did change my hair. I pulled the black from it and went to a brunette to a red head to auburn and I hated them all. I just didn't feel like myself, so I decided that I was going back to the color of preference and I would have to be accepted just as I am. Since that moment, I've never gone back.

With my defiant attitude, I moved on to booking photo shoots and fashion shows while sporting my black hair. I became an internationally published model for a medical textbook, and I did multiple runway shows for high fashion events, as well as department stores such as JC Penny and The Avenue. I even was booked for a few roles on web series. I know it's just hair, but I felt like me again. I could be confident and assertive, and even through all the thick of my body, I could feel beautiful.

As fun as modeling and acting were, I still felt like something was missing. I wanted to write and I wanted to see my visions come alive on screen. So, I bought my own laptop with some money I scrapped together and began. I had no idea what I was doing. I had a million questions about what a script was, how long it should be, how should it be formatted, etc. And I knew no one in the industry. It was just me and my laptop, so I got to work, researching day and night, everything I could find about the meat and bones of a script and I finished my first script, a drama, shortly after. I felt really proud of myself, but still not knowing anyone in the industry, I held on to it for years- I actually still have it and have not produced it yet. But don't let this part discourage you because I still didn't stop.

If You Can Dream It, Do It. - Walt Disney

A few years later, I woke from a nightmare. The last thing I remember was seeing the face of a demonic girl and it just wouldn't go away. I pondered on it, seeing her face over and over and I felt like this was a big sign saying, "WRITE ME INTO A MOVIE!" I listened and created my second script-a psychological thriller/horror film. This had now become my prized piece. It was my baby- and I held it dearly to me and I entitled it CONNIE. At this point in my life, I was now beginning to network and was dating a film director who was trying to make a name for himself. So, who better to share my baby with and get some positive feedback from than him? But, it didn't happen. He said it was a mediocre story that would be too expensive to film and I should probably just stick to editing his scripts that he was writing, producing and directing.

Years after moving on from that relationship, I still wanted to be part of the film industry, but I was back to being shy. I didn't feel I was as pretty anymore. Between my weight and my age, I figured behind the scenes was probably where I belonged. I wanted to keep writing, but after the lack of support from friends, family and ex boyfriends, I figured maybe I wasn't as good as I thought. I should just stay behind a computer and do admin work- I was good at typing and was told I had a good phone voice. Maybe that was my niche and somehow I could learn to be happy with it. But, I didn't want to go to work for the snobby talent agents that told me I would be nothing. I knew that there were women all over the world who had a dream, but because they weren't a size 2, they either didn't think they could accomplish their dreams, or they were being told they couldn't. I wanted to break that mold and use the little bit of success I did hold to help encourage other women out there to reach for what I thought I had lost. This is where my second baby was born.

In June of 2019, I quit my job of 15 years, sold my home and broke up my family and moved across the country to be with the man of my dreams. He too was in the entertainment industry, but he was different than all the rest. He encouraged me to be who I wanted to be, constantly told me I was beautiful, and couldn't understand any reason why I couldn't succeed. His name is Mortimer Philbert, Sr. and he is the reason, the encouragement, and the motivation for me opening my own talent agency- AS Plus Modeling, LLC. In July of 2019, my company was born and is a platform for men and women who are plus size, yet still beautiful. I cater to plus size talents, but accept anyone who has a passion and is ready to put in the hard work it takes to get into this industry. It's not easy and I am still have a long way to go in this journey, but I have been blessed through it all.

Almost immediately after launching AS Plus Modeling, LLC, I was contacted by Hollywood actor, Diezel Ramos, who asked me to come on board as his Casting Director for a film, Raw Power, in which he was producing. That was really the big kicker into so many cool projects, recognition, and opportunities I have received. Diezel became the brother I never had, but always wanted and we became very tightly nit, bringing my now husband's company, High Profile Entertainments & Productions, Inc. into the mix as the music production company to be used in all of our collaborative productions. After reading CONNIE, my husband told me there was no way I couldn't produce it as it had to be on film. With those words, I woke up the next morning and began pulling together my cast- I asked Diezel to play the part of my husband in this film as a way to thank him for everything he had done for me. In July of 2020, just one year after starting my new life across the country, focusing full time on my company, writing, networking, branding and marketing, I was now filming CONNIE.

Since working with Diezel, he has helped create opportunities for myself as an Actress, Casting Director, Location Manager, and Writer as well as opening opportunities for my clients, and even those who aren't my clients that still gain opportunities from casting calls I place. Today, I am writing, casting for, and doing voice over work for a brand new Disney pilot and so many other projects. If it weren't for my husband, Mortimer, supporting me, loving me, and encouraging me to go on with my dreams of owning my own business and helping others in the industry, and for the kindness, confidence and support from Diezel, I honestly don't know where I would be. I may have given up a long time ago.

Since the completion of CONNIE, I have now taken on the role of Co-Host to my husband's podcast show, HPE Live! Podcast and that has given me the opportunity to hear the story of so many other people out there who are just like me- people who have been told they'd never make it, but kept going anyway and are now at the gates of stardom. I have found another outlet where my voice can be heard, we can hear advice, give advice, and make new friends along the way. As my success grows, I am now being interviewed by magazines and podcasts as well as articles showing up about me on other social media/online platforms, and I made the cover of Illusions Magazine, Issue 2. In 20 short months, I have accomplished more than I could ever imagine, especially after 30+ years of being laughed at, told no, and being body shamed. I am now happy, I am my own boss, I am an influencer, I am still nerdy and sometimes an introvert, but I'm proud of those qualities. And lastly, I'm still overweight, but I am thriving.