Either You Can Be Good To Everyone Or Be yourself.

The definition of being called ‘good’ might be subjective from people to people, and society to society but its underlying theme doesn’t change — we are called ‘good’ by someone only when we conform to their expectations.

Our parents call us ‘good’ when we behave as to their morals. The school and college call us ‘good’ when we line up to the metrics they have set. Our employer calls us ‘good’ when we do things that are ‘good for their revenues and profits. Society calls us ‘good’ when we operate as per their codex and laid down informal laws.

We are good when we conform; only then we are a good son, a good employee, an amicable neighbor, a model citizen. And the moment when we stop conforming, the moment we step outside this hallowed circle of ‘goodness’ that these people have drawn around us — we turn bad, we turn into a rebel.

But here is the truth — you can either be good to them or be good to yourself.

The survival of your unique identity, your distinctive thoughts, your dreams, and destiny — in short, the survival of your very existence, depends on how fast and how best you can stop conforming.

All these things that make you conform are at devilish odds with what makes you truly you.

You can either be good to them or good to yourself.

If you are constantly trying to behave as ‘they’ are behaving, if you are constantly calibrating your thoughts with their thinking, if you are modifying your actions to their way of acting — if you are doing all this, then you are sacrificing the one life that you have got in service of others.

You need to stop doing that. You need to stop sacrificing yourself. You need to stop appeasing them. You need to stop acting as if you don’t matter. You need to stop all this.

It’s not your job; it’s not your destiny.

You need to learn this truth now that the sooner you shed the burden of their expectations from your mind, the faster you will be free to follow your calling.

But here is the thing — it’s not easy; it’s damn difficult.

And it’s difficult not because the shackles of society conformance are heavy around you. Yes, they are. But they are not your biggest obstacle from becoming free.

The biggest obstacle to becoming free is you! Your own self. Your own way of thinking; your very way of living.

From a very young age this trait of ‘conformance’ is etched into our minds, embossed on our thoughts. Right from the time when we start accepting the timetable, somebody else has made for us, this message to follow, to conform starts forming in our head.

Through years and years of repetition, the message to follow gets drilled into our minds.

Sometimes we might try to step out of this defined path. But the moment we do it, the moment we try to take our first step out of the line, we are disciplined. A smack on the head comes; a reap on the fingers. The negative reinforcement starts very early when we are too young to see what is happening. And if we resist we are called rebels, labeled as deviant.

And from this constant correction and public shaming, we lose our distinctive nature and melt into society’s nature. We become masters in the following.

Now the voice of society is no longer out of us; it has transformed into our voice echoing in our heads. It has taken the shape in our head of a big finger that towers above us forever stopping us to do what we should be doing.

It makes us cautious, careful, scared, shameful.

Whenever we try to follow our heart it stops us. Whenever we try to do something original it criticizes us.

No, you can’t take that course. No, you can’t drop out of your college. No, you can’t counter the authority. No. You can’t go against society.

“No. No. No.” it screams in our head. It never stops; it keeps going on.

But can we prosper if we have such a restrictive voice in our head? Can we express ourselves when we are this negative? Can we really go far when a hundred-tonne chain is pulling us back? Can we really become free?

No, we never can.

The only thing that we can become if we follow this voice is a mere vessel to serve society.

We have to stop doing that.

But that is the most difficult thing to do. It is like sugar, this craving to appear good. It makes us addicted. We are a sucker for their pat on the back, for their approval.

But if want to save our identity, we have to stop doing that. And the first step in this direction is to stop trying to be good.

It’s okay if they think we are not good. It’s okay if we don’t fit into their standards. It’s okay if our rights don’t align with their right. It’s okay if we end up being alone.

It’s okay. It’s okay.

And that is life’s work. To unbidden our minds of all that we have been taught. But no work is bigger better nobler than this work. To free ourselves of these chains, to free ourselves of these restrictions.