Discovering You Again

As women we have multiple pressures upon us of what we ‘should’ do and be as a female in society. We are bombarded with these pressures from all sides—social and media expectations, family and work commitments, the constant advertising ‘goals’ we are supposed to accomplish, and the result is we are diminished as individuals. We ‘must’ look a certain way, dress a certain way, and be all things to all people—Mother, wife, homemaker, excellent worker, athletic, fashionable, friend—and the list goes on. It is not achievable, and we should not try, but societal pressures make us feel like a failure if we don’t ‘match’ the ideal portrayed on every advert.

I discovered for myself that I lost ‘me’ and missed that inner person, who embraced the natural world, family and friends, and the simple joys in everyday life.

I ran my own company so I worked full time (on call 24/7), raised two children, maintained a home, ran two local PTAs (as Chairwoman and Vice Chairwoman), and yes life was a constant blur. I didn’t have time for me, for my youthful passion of art; it took a backseat, or rather disappeared into an abyss. I could feel discontent deep down, but my busy life allowed me to ignore it, full of every day chores, work, and PTA responsibilities. I visited my family regularly as they were within a short drive away, and we took our children on outings and holidays together. Even then I was focused on what my children wanted and needed—no time for me.

So what changed? I came to live in Canada from England, which was a huge undertaking, and primarily the one I was left to organize! However, I made a deal with myself that I would find a creative outlet once we were settled. My children were older, and did not need Mum as much anymore, although the transition from a life in an English country village to a major city, and having no family or friends had its challenges, so I was the one who had to create a life in our new country.

An early visit to the local library gave me a handful of brochures and leaflets for local artisan organizations, and I decided to attend one each month until I found the one that clicked. As it turned out, the first one was a writing group and that’s where my creativity found its home. Although, writing had not been in my creative repertoire before, it soon became a passion. Since then I have written and published seven books (eighth coming out this September 2019). I don’t propose you move thousands of miles to find yourself again obviously, that was far too extreme.

However, the point of this post? Find your true inner self and nourish her—don’t wait for work to settle down, the kids to grow up, when you retire... do it now. Remember what excited you, interested you, gave you purpose and gave you that childlike joy—do that and you will see a huge change. It could be as simple as reading more books, taking up knitting or crochet again, dusting off that easel and painting, taking a pottery class or buying a new sketchpad and drawing. Whatever brings you a sense of ‘me’ back—do that. It may also bring you a new circle of friends, as my writing group did for me, who share your passion.

I can attest to the fact you will be happier, more complete, and most of all your happiness will affect those around you in a positive way. If you are happy everyone around you shares in that happiness.