Dear Rebecca: One Day at a Time

Dear Rebecca, my dearest self, I see how you've arrived in 2021. You're exhausted and overwhelmed. You've made it through your most challenging year yet, and you're scared and uncertain of what this year will bring. You have found yourself tempted to dust off the same old goals you make every year and hang them on your pristine, blank calendar: finally lose those extra pounds, start that website, drink more water, maybe actually focus on yourself for once...Every year, you focus on how you want to "better" yourself and "do more."

Except this year, you're wondering why those are the goals that you want to set in order to feel good about yourself. You don't want to make any more empty promises. Looking at this year as a whole intimidates and frightens you. I mean, just look at what happened in 2020. I think everyone is a bit traumatized from that experience. Last year was a massive struggle for you, and I feel you when you say you're sick of writing about it. You've made up your mind that you won't allow the issues in your past to set up the hurdles you face today. Instead, you will use them as a springboard to launch yourself forward and shape the reality you want, and I'm proud of you for finding the resolve to do that.

Unfortunately, the gap between where you are and where you want to be is staggering, and you don't really know how to get there right now. You're still working on the technical details, and it's really tempting to try to categorize your life and list all the ways you want to transform yourself. I know that you're a very logical person and you thrive off of structure and making lists - but that is what leads you to getting overwhelmed and burnt out in the first place. You always believe that once that list is complete, you will feel accomplished and that will bring you a sense of satisfaction and stability. However, that list is infinite - you're always adding another bulletpoint to it. For example, in 2020, your daily to-do list would look almost exactly the same every day. It felt so satisfying to cross off each task that you became addicted. However, you would also procrastinate on the Big Tasks that intimidated you, so they would just move to the next day's list. You repeated this process in until it was meaningless.

Then one morning this year, just a few days ago, you decided to journal your thoughts and feelings instead of writing a to-do list. You included a few things you wanted to accomplish that day, how you wanted to care for yourself, and how you imagined you would feel afterwards, dear-diary style. Let me tell you, Rebecca, I think you're on to something there. Of course, there were other ideas and trains of thought bouncing around up there in your brain, itching to be written down. I know you were tempted to jot it all down just to keep track of it all, but you resisted the urge. You made sure to be realistic and not pressure yourself into biting off more than you could chew. When that happened in the past, it would just make you feel like a failure when you couldn't accomplish everything. That day, you discovered it was much easier to stay on task with the few things you set out to accomplish, and with breathing room, at that. The result of this dear-diary activity was exactly as you predicted - you felt satisfied and proud. You slept peacefully that night and woke the next day with the lingering feeling of excitement, ready to do more.

It's only been one week, and there have already been mornings where you have woken up with the feeling of being overwhelmed or angry at yourself. The mountain of obstacles seemed too big to face, or the hole seemed too deep to climb out of. Don't feel discouraged. You recently heard somewhere that the concept of rest has been commodified into an indulgence, something one earns. As a result, when we allow ourselves to rest, we assign the experience to a part of our brain that makes us feel like we shouldn't be doing it, and the rest ends up being ineffective. Instead, it needs to be understood that when we experience burnout or overwhelm, it is our body telling us it needs to rest - however we see fit - and that it's completely necessary in order to face whatever it is we need to face the next day. So when you woke up feeling overwhelmed and burnt out, you told your friends and family you were resting, and did just that. Every time a feeling of guilt came up, or a need to be productive somehow, you told yourself, "I am resting and this is necessary," and the next day, you woke up feeling replenished with a positive attitude, prepared to tackle a few things, even if they were Big Tasks. You found that the rest made you more insightful. You discovered the real emotions that lurked behind the feeling of intimidation when faced with Big Tasks, which reduced them to normal, achievable-sized things. Rebecca, I believe you have modified the mechanical nature of your to-do lists into an activity of self-awareness.

So that leads me to the big, scary monster that is 2021. Rebecca, do not declare to conquer it. Do not try to dominate and "power through" every day. The only promise you need to make is to yourself, and that is to only focus on what you can do today. Instead of one big resolution, make 365 tiny ones. You won't know what they are until you arrive there. Do not set any goals for the day until you wake up that morning. Be in the present moment, listen to your intuition, and develop insight on yourself. Learn how to identify your emotions and allow them space to just be, then, when you're ready, act accordingly. You are your best resource. When you take small steps, one day at a time, the giant mountain becomes a journey of multiple hikes. When you climb a little every day, you will find yourself out of the hole. At the end of the year, I hope you will be able to look back and not just feel proud of everything you overcame and accomplished, but also be able to see how you've grown in your relationship with yourself as well as others. I hope this will align you closer with your dreams and passions, and lays out a foundation for living a more meaningful life full of gratitude and appreciation. So, no, Rebecca, 2021 won't fool you into buying into New Years Resolutions or doing any diets, thinking that will be what fulfills you. Just take it one day at a time.