Cutting, Pinning, Sewing Together Love

I never sewed in my life, nor was I ever really interested in sewing. When I was younger I wanted to be a fashion designer but I never learned how to sew. When I was still in High School we had special advisory classes we could take where we could choose an activity to learn and understand more about, and sewing was one of the many we could choose from. When it came time to choose I did not have any intention of choosing the sewing option and wanted to focus on something I knew I would enjoy. However my friend talked me into choosing it because she mentioned the teacher hosting the class was one we got along with very well, and we would not have to do very much. So after hearing this I said, “Sure why not.”.

I had only managed to go to the class five times and during my time spent in the class, I was not interested at all and was only dreading being in there. One day however the teacher began talking about all of the different things you can sew, and began showing us the basics. In particular, she showed me how to use the machine and I loved it. I honestly cannot say why I fell in love with sewing but what I do know is that I love art and doing things with my hands, so to me, this was just another avenue in which I could practice doing something I enjoyed. Even though I found myself enjoying sewing, at the time I had no way of continuing as no one in my family knew ho0w to sew nor owned a sewing machine. While still in school I was in a program in which I was required to do a project on anything of my choosing and in which we needed an advisor to oversee our progress. I was struggling to come up with an idea on what I could do but I knew I wanted to do sewing and have an excuse to sew. I brought this up to the same teacher who hosted the sewing class and she mentioned to have me make her my advisor and she would show me a few simple things to sew to start me off.

The very first thing she showed me how to make was bandanas for dogs. This was easy as we would just cut out triangles and then just sew them together. At first, I just wanted something easy to be able to finish the project. Then everything changed as we entered quarantine due to the COVID-19 pandemic. From March to April to pass the time all I did was my art and eventually, I got sick of it. After a short time, I began having an urge to sew in which I am not too sure of myself but I just had a desire to sew. I began saving up to purchase a sewing machine which took me about a month before I could get one. Once I owned my machine that was all I did and focused on for weeks. I would wake up and just start sewing, I would take old t-shirts from my dad’s closet without asking nor caring as long as I could sew. One of my problems is that I struggle to reflect on things that I do. I also have been diagnosed with anxiety which makes me need some time in the day to just sit and think, where I can just focus on reflecting and figuring out ways I can improve myself to make myself less anxious. This used to be my art but has now shifted to sewing.

When it comes to sewing I feel more relaxed when I sew than I did when I worked on art. With art, I felt as though I could never truly immerse myself with what I was doing, while with sewing I would frequently lose myself in the process where I would stay up for hours sewing without even noticing. Whenever I sew I like to put on some music or even listen to a podcast to help get me going yet they quickly begin to tune out as I drift deeper into my thoughts, and even as I do get into deep thought while sewing I never get anxious like I usually do. Whenever I sew there are two different ways I start. I started a business around sewing and that is primarily what I focus on when I sew. With his business, it makes me able to know what I’m going to sew. Although this takes a lot of time, the second way I start is just by sitting in front of my machine and looking at the materials I have and see what I could make. This way makes me question myself at times as when I sew without knowing what I’ll make I end up creating something without even realizing how I did it. My brain just somehow figures it out.

Despite my love for sewing, there are days where sewing can take its toll on me. Some days I would sew for almost eight hours in which my body aches, my leg, and foot would hurt from it being on the pedal and pushing it, my fingers would sometimes bleed from the pins, or even just cutting myself with the scissors. Yet despite all this it has never made me want to stop sewing, it all feels worth it in the end. Although sewing makes me happy and feel at ease there are times where it can get frustrating. I have days where I’m sewing to complete orders from my business but I am not sewing well and I end up getting frustrated to the point of throwing what I worked on and walking away to calm myself. When this happens I admittedly don’t touch my machine for about a week. I don’t want to continue sewing while being frustrated and end up hating it.

At the end of the day I love sewing and no matter how frustrated or upset I get, no matter how much I hurt myself nothing can change the fact that I enjoy and love to sew. Whether it’s for myself or my business sewing has become a part of me. Although I enjoy sewing for myself I must say that I love sewing for my business more because it feels more rewarding. When I go out and see people wearing my masks or scrunchies it feels like someone else is appreciating my love for sewing. Although I sew by myself and isolate myself in order to sew I feel that my sewing connects me to people I don’t even know.