Become

Leadership is something I have no desire to do in my life right now when it comes to others. I know the weight one experiences when you become a leader of an organization and the life of others are in your hands. The stress of such position can be taxing. This type of responsibility is something I no longer seek in life.

When I was a teacher, manager, and team leader I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. Agile mind and resilience is necessary but one can't maintain such stress for a long time. The well-being of my staff and children were more important than my own. Often, my needs were put aside for others. However, I was there cheering them on and building a good work environment for them.

I have seen leaders raise up their staff and I have seen others cut them apart. I do have a Master's in Administration and Supervision and I have read many renditions of leadership. Most miss the humanity that is needed within the dynamics. I let them see me being human. I let them see that I believe in team.

This year, I will be walking into my elderhood. This fact in itself is stepping into leadership in the community. I choose to be nothing more than a leader in the family and friends. The well-being of my children and grandchildren will be of upmost importance to me. Afterall, a matriarch in the Native culture is expected to be a leader.

As I write this, I look over at the eagle feathers basking on the table and I know I must become my own leader. I know I must take my own lead and take care of my own well-being so I can build strength. I was once told, "You can not fill other's cup when yours is empty." I am not empty. I have worked hard to become who I am. I have filled my cups and I am strong. I use to feel unworthy of my feathers but they came to me so what I think was wrong and I had to lead myself to walk the red road of wellness.

Writing is a major part of leading myself into a new life. I had written a book but I don't believe I will publish it because I know that it was only a tool to help me to recover from a major life crash. Even though I walked the journey alone the majority of time, I was never alone. Ancestors had my back and let me know when I was not on the right path.

The control of my life is in the hands of the creator and I am no longer submitting to societies "norm". I will graft out a path I choose to take for I am being led to have a strong belief in myself and build my own integrity. I know me. I know what I love to do and that is writing.

Overcoming the damage is amazing and I am ready to be there for family and friends if they ask me to be there. I no longer will allow society to make me feel small because of ethnicity and I will no longer blame generational trauma for my circumstances. Oppression is no longer in effect in this soul. What they think is none of my business. I am always healing and getting stronger and stronger.

Once, I told an employee that her language skills was impressive. Her scores and ease in conversation showed great promise. She was becoming fluent Anishinabemowin speaker and should be proud. Becoming, is more than learning. Becoming is building. Becoming is owning. Becoming is transforming. Becoming is deep knowing that you are on the right road.

Tonight is the new moon in Ares and this is the moment I waited a long time for; a new beginning. The rain washed away the old as I stepped out on the porch and cleared my mind. A pinch of tobacco held tightly for prayer, I asked, "What am I to do? I know I need to accept my elderhood but how?" I need to lead myself in the right direction. I need to care for my well-being. I need to invest in myself, because if I do what is best for me, is opening up a better world for me. With the wind is whipping outside the tobacco lofted off in the breeze easily and all I can hear was the breeze yelling the audible word... "Become"

"Become the leader. Become the Elder" and so it is..