Alone

It feels bad to be alone.

Not the "alone" where all you wanna do is sit in your room and watch Netflix and eat an entire bag of chips or the burrito that you have been craving for the past week and a half, that kind of alone feels good—where you can feel ugly and not care because you are alone to indulge in being gross and burp and laugh at those stupid jokes that no one really understands why you're laughing but you laugh at it anyway because you don't have to explain to anyone. That alone is good and people need that "alone" time to decompress from outside stresses.

I'm talking about the abandoned alone.

Abandoned alone is scary. It's insidious and lingers.

It stays with you all day and night. All day it sits in your stomach like a rock. All night it has your brain thinking about how maybe you could have avoided this. It reminds you that no matter who you meet or connect with that one day they will abandon you.

Relationships all have time limits.

The worst kind of alone is—the alone that even worse than abandoned alone is the kind of alone that you have to force- when someone shows you their true colors and you are forced to leave.

You thought they would never hurt you for their own comfort, never turn their back on you, that they would never leave you in the dark—that's when the worst alone happens because once you lose that trust—once that link-connection is taken away then you are really alone and it's the worst. When you are alone in that state and you realize that you are the one who has to leave because the trust, love, and respect is gone.

The scariest part is, you aren't actually alone.

Again I say to myself.

It feels bad to be alone.

Not the "alone" where all you wanna do is sit in your room and watch Netflix and eat an entire bag of chips or the burrito that you have been craving for the past week and a half, that kind of alone feels good- were you can feel ugly and not care because you are alone to indulge in being gross and burp and laugh at those stupid jokes that no one really understands why your laughing but you laugh at it anyway because you don't have to explain to anyone. That alone is good and people need that "alone" time to decompress from outside stresses.

I'm talking about the abandoned alone.

Abandoned alone is scary. It's insidious and lingers.

It stays with you all day and night. All day it sits in your stomach like a rock. All night it has your brain thinking about how maybe you could have avoided this. It reminds you that no matter who you meet or connect with that one day they will abandon you.

Relationships all have time limits.

The worst kind of Alone is - the alone that even worse than abandoned alone is the kind of alone that you have to force- when someone shows you their true colors and you are forced to leave.

You thought they would never hurt you for their own comfort, never turn their back on you, that they would never leave you in the dark- that's when the worst alone happens because once you lose that trust- once that link-connection is taken away then you are really alone and it's the worst. When you are alone in that state and you realize that you are the one who has to leave because the trust, love, and respect is gone.

The scariest part is- you aren't actually alone.