All Unhappy People Have One Thing in Common

One of the most persistent cognitive distortions can be called our perception of happiness as a kind of internal work, and unhappiness as a consequence of exclusively external influence.

Usually, we understand that we have to create or at least contribute to our happiness (we are forced to organize a trip, give up work or find a soul mate, etc.), but often people do not realize that the most important and most common causes of an unhappy life are not at all related to random external events.

Unhappiness is the result of a combination of actions, qualities, thinking styles, and adaptation. We believe that this is only a consequence of external events and therefore we are afraid of losing control of the situation. However, in reality, this is not the case: some people are happy, even when they have no particular reason for it, while others feel deeply miserable, despite having almost everything in this world.

You shouldn't feel ugly, insecure, or assume you don't deserve happiness. The idea is not in our environment, but in what is in us, and almost all unhappy people have a specific trait.

In childhood, if we are lucky, our parents or guardians will satisfy all our basic needs. Someone ties our laces, helps us brush our teeth, do our homework, and cook our food. This is what all children need to live and develop.

Over time, a good parent begins to teach his child to be independent. As they get older, children learn to take care of themselves, cook their food, and take care of their surroundings.

They learn to start a relationship, to keep their promises on time, to decide if they want to play sports, and to choose whether to behave decently or not and then they have to deal with the consequences of their decisions.

However, if a child never has the opportunity to feel independent (and this is a responsibility not only for his decisions but also for his satisfaction or dissatisfaction), he grows up as an immature person. This is a typical result of an unhealthy attachment to the parents, which is the fault of the parents themselves, who project their feelings on the child.

As children, we turn to our parents to solve our problems. But when we are adults, we have to rely only on ourselves.

All unhappy people are endowed with the same personality trait - immaturity. It serves as the basis for every habit and behavior that ultimately leads to dissatisfaction with our own lives.

If a person is not responsible for his words and deeds, he endangers all his relationships, causing harm to others. This is immaturity.

If we don't care about our body and our home, because we "don't like" washing dishes or cleaning, this inevitably leads to chaos. This is another manifestation of immaturity.

If someone fails, we project our rejection on him and become cruel. Our small, passive-aggressive statements not only lead us into a corner but make us look more hurt than we are. This is still immaturity.

If we are unhappy with the trajectory of our path in life, but at the same time choose to complain, like a helpless child, and do not develop a strategy, as an adult does, then we will be unhappy. This is about immaturity.

If we grow and mature as we age, then we begin to be responsible for our appearance, home, work, and results. If a person is mature, then he can focus on long-term results, not short-term desires.

In time, we will realize that all of this is one of the richest sources of our happiness. We find absolute peace when we return home - to the place we love. We demonstrate a willingness to make contact, taking advantage of the benefits of hard work (exercise or career advancement).

Maturity allows us to focus on long-term goals without focusing on short-term desires. And immature individuals are incapable of this.

Therefore, the reason for an unhappy life is the failure to take responsibility for it.

Half the people walk around us and behave as if they were still children as if someone had to solve their problems and it was enough for them to scream or cry because an adult would come to their aid immediately.

Other people realize that they are adults and that time, free space, and maturity give them the strength and resources to solve the difficulties that arise. Or at least, such individuals can think of the right strategy, adapting to changing conditions.