A paint soaked matrix embedded within a canvas

Colors, shapes—a mix of lines, curves, lights, and darks—all working together to create the perfect image. The scraping sounds of the brush striking the canvas generate a melodic background noise that invents an original rhythm for my strokes, the music to which my whole being—especially my hands—moves, trying to recreate the same beat. The knife glides across the smooth canvas; the paint, which acts as a lubricant, allows me to work so effortlessly. My mind drifts into a meditative state. My senses are heightened. There is some awareness of my environment, but my mind is at peace, in a judgement-free zone and not feeling overwhelmed. Peace is in all the materials sandwiched between me and the canvas. This is the setting where freedom of mind exists.

There are so many meanings to the word peace. It is described as “a friendly greeting”, “being still”, “harmonious”, or the “absence of hostility”. Inner peace encompasses all of these meanings. It involves calmness and the ability to thrive amidst stress and chaos. It is a deliberate effort to achieve deliberate results and a clear focus. The mind does not ruminate, and that is what painting does for me. I forget everything else and make myself present in the moment, feeling textures, listening to sounds and seeing my creations come to life. I love using vibrant colors to capture emotion and to breathe life into my imagination, painting worlds of color that I would like to live in and see—painting my own form of serenity.

Every opportunity I get to paint, I use it as a means to escape from my reality. It allows me to forget the pain, the tests and the constant fatigue. The most important requirement for me is a well-lit room. I prefer sunlight. Sunlight is important not just because it provides a great source of vitamin D; it also influences the release of the hormone serotonin. It is the calming hormone that can help boost mood. The sun also improves the body’s cardiovascular, respiratory, immune and skeletal function. My body needs the sun, and it is the only other necessity in my painting zone. It also makes the colors that I use appear in their natural form, allowing better color mixes and prevents glare from overhead lights. I do not want to introduce any distractions to take my attention away from living in that very moment.

When I look at art, it evokes certain emotions out of me, and I try to imagine what the artist was feeling or experiencing while painting it. I understand that the same piece of art may mean something different for you than it does for me, which can also be different from what the artist sees. This is why art is subjective, and I love that about it. Rules can be broken, and it is limitless—another reason why my mind can roam free. I do not have to live within the confines of society and what it constantly expects of me.

I don't only look at paintings, I also touch them (if they are not mine and allowed) because feeling the different brush strokes, textures, smoothness or roughness of a piece can transport me anywhere in time. I link what I feel to a positive image in my memory or to a place I would rather be. For instance, if I feel areas of inclinations, it reminds me of hills and valleys. I am immediately surrounded by greenery with mountain peaks. I see water cascading down the mountain to the bottom of the valley, and I am enveloped by the quiet breeze and the background noise of the water as the afternoon sun continues to bathe the surrounding trees. The feel of a painting can transport me anywhere.

There are weeks when I receive bad news from my doctors, painting along with writing are some of the things that keep me from becoming depressed. They both help keep my mental health in check. I cannot allow my mind to dwell too much on the negatives, so as soon as my body allows it, I jump at every opportunity to paint. It motivates me to wake up every morning. Seeing the reactions I get from people who get to experience any of my paintings brings me so much joy. It’s as if I get the opportunity to pass on my joys to someone else in hopes that the painting can bring to them a sense of harmony whenever they look at it.

I received a text from a friend who commissioned me for a painting not too long ago. In it, she says, “Every time I see the painting you did, it makes me smile. Thank you so much.” Those words are enough to remove any negativity flooding my mind.

Whenever friends and family call in to check up on me, they make it a habit to ask me about my painting. They all know how important it is to me. They motivate me to keep going. They encourage me, and we all need a bit of encouragement every now and then.

Painting does not keep me boxed in. If I don’t like something, I can always paint over it. Something that I can’t do in real life. Sometimes I wish I could change my current circumstances, but that is the life that I have been given, so instead of wallowing in self-pity, I choose to celebrate the parts of me that are still able to create. I get to be in control and the mastermind behind each piece. I am grateful that despite other parts of my body giving up on me, my hands remain forever loyal to me. They are my peace inspirers. They are my magic creators. They bring me back to life.

I move at my own pace when I paint. It depends on the rhythm that I feel. Sometimes I speed up, and other times I slow down. At times, I get up and stretch to give myself a break and take in a few deep breaths. Multiples times when I paint, I get up and walk around the painting, taking it all in. I change my water and rinse out my brushes. I change out paints and pack some of the ones I am not using away. This act of decluttering brings clarity to my mind. Who knew the act of freeing up space in your surroundings could do such a thing?

It is weird that I do not feel much pain while I paint but as soon as I am done or take a long break, then the pain returns, an unwelcomed gift of reality. I do not think I am doing painting justice as I can’t find all the right words to describe how it makes me feel. I just know that it elevates me, takes me away on a journey and always welcomes me back, though matter how long it has been since I’ve been away. It accepts me just the way I am and continues to positively impact my healing. It keeps me sane.