A goddess creates "Me Day"

Many of us were taught to love others before we loved ourselves. “Love thy neighbor” and “the more you give love, the more you receive” were common phrases I heard while growing up. I spent most of my life thinking that I had to give all my love away like a monk taking a vow of poverty if I were truly to receive love from someone else.

During my early childhood years, I spent Valentine’s Day the way I thought I was supposed to. I made my mom “Valentine’s coupons” promising to clean my room or wash the dishes when she redeemed one of the coupons so she could see how much I loved her. I gave everyone in my elementary school class a Valentine’s Day card because that was what you were supposed to do. Now, I don’t think it is a horrible thing to teach children to care about others, to have empathy, to love thy neighbor. But I do think it is a lost opportunity that we don’t teach our children self-love (not to be confused with selfishness) alongside that “love thy neighbor” concept. We should be teaching our children that self-love is not a narcissistic characteristic but a way to treat yourself with kindness, respect, and understanding.

Fast forward to my dating years (teenager through my twenties) and Valentine’s Day was always about someone else. I listened to all the popular Valentine-themed songs, my favorites being Bob Dylan’s To Make You Feel My Love, Harry Mancini’s Moon River, and I Will Always Love You (the Dolly Parton version, of course). I bought people flowers, chocolates, and little gifts. I took people out to dinner or the movies. These things I did weren’t horrible and, yes, I received things in return, but something was missing.

It wasn’t until I entered my 30s that I had that “ah ha” moment and realized self-love was just as important as giving others love. After many a broken heart and reading a whole heap of self-help books, I made a pact with myself. For one day out of the year, I would treat myself like a goddess. Since we are supposed to love others all the time, I chose Valentine’s Day to begin a new tradition, Me Day. I vowed that, regardless of my relationship status, every Valentine’s Day I would love myself first. I don’t hate Valentine’s Day and I’m not anti-Valentine’s Day. I just choose to celebrate it a little differently. I love others 364 days out of the year, why not take one whole day to put myself first? I mean, I love and respect myself every day but Me Day is one full day that is just for me!

For Me Day, I created a little ritual that I still follow annually more than a decade after my “ah ha” moment. I start with a lovely morning of breakfast in bed (made by me, of course) and open a present I buy myself (usually a great new teacup or mug). I laze about while reading a good book and listening to some great tunes playing in the background. Here are some of my favorite songs to start off Me Day:

• I Love Me -- Meghan Trainor (I like this one mainly for the title)

• Girls Just Wanna Have Fun – Cyndi Lauper (Me Day is supposed to be about fun, not wallowing in self-pity)

• Fighter – Christina Aguilera (Reminds me that I am worth fighting for, even if I am the one fighting for myself)

• You Don’t Own Me – Leslie Gore (Encourages me to take charge of myself, my decisions, my actions, my future)

• Drunken Lullabies – Flogging Molly (I really like this one for the beat but it also reminds me that sometimes we all go a little too far – maybe one too many at the pub, overindulge, or overspend – and it’s ok to mess up, forgive myself, and move on)

• RESPECT – Aretha Franklin (Do I really need to say why I love this song for Me Day?)

• Let It Go – Idina Menzel sang this for the movie Frozen (My inner Disney Princess sings this song loud and proud because I need reminding that I shouldn’t sweat the small stuff)

• These Boots Are Made For Walking – Nancy Sinatra (This quirky tune tells me I can stomp out those undesirables in my life – not just speaking about past romantic partners but anything disagreeable)

• I Hope You’re Happy – Blue October (I always picture myself staring into the mirror, singing this song back to myself to ensure myself that I really do want happiness for me)

If you want some good book suggestions for your Me Day, here are a few of my favorites:

• Possession – A.S. Byatt

• Things I Wish My Mother Had Told Me – Lucia van der Post

• What Would Audrey Do – Pamela Keogh

• Ireland – Frank Delaney

• When Books Went To War – Molly Guptill Manning

• The Age of Innocence – Edith Wharton

My Me Day continues with a long walk alone (sometimes I bring my chocolate lab, Emma). This gives me time to reflect on what has happened between my last Me Day and the present as well as an opportunity to celebrate the awesome things I have accomplished in that time. It gives me a chance to appreciate all I have overcome and all I have learned in the last year. Now, don’t get me wrong, Me Day is not a day to beat yourself up about past mistakes or be lonely. It is a day to relish your life and praise yourself, treat yourself like the goddess or god (little "g") you are!

Rounding off my Me Day, I pop open a bottle of champagne later in the evening, order a fabulous meal to be delivered, and finish with dessert (usually some really good artisan chocolate – I like to support small businesses). All in all, I spend about $100 on myself with dinner, gifts, and champagne – just enough to make me feel like a goddess worthy of praise without going overboard or emptying my savings account. It is very important that I do not count calories, fret about the expense, or get anxiety about not spending the day with loved ones. Remember, Me Day is not about guilt.

If I have learned anything after celebrating Me Day for the last decade, I learned these two things: The world will not fall apart if I take one day for myself and Valentine’s Day will not cease to exist because I choose to spend it caring for and nurturing myself. I realize the creators of Valentine’s Day didn’t have my self-love concept in mind when they created the holiday back in 500 A.D. nor did Richard Cadbury think of self-love when he marketed the first heart-shaped box of chocolates in 1861 just in time for the Feb. 14 holiday. But for me, self-love, on any day, is just as important as loving others. I just happen to practice self-love on Valentine’s Day … I mean Me Day.