3 Things To Keep The Flames Of Your Union Burning Bright

Orgasm Is Only Part Of It

“Sex isn’t just about orgasms. It’s about sensation, emotional intimacy, stress relief, improved health (improved immune and cardiovascular system), and increased emotional bonding with your partner, thanks to the wonderful release of hormones due to physical touch. There are many more reasons to have sex than just getting off.” Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D., licensed marriage and sex therapist

Sex is about two souls connecting on a deeper level. In that vain, it’s important for both of you to experience one another with talk, kissing, fondling, and being imaginative.

When you take this approach, the orgasm is sure to come because both of you will be focused on pleasing one another due to your deep connection. Many of us don’t equate sex with being a spiritual experience, but it can be. However, that can only exist due to a strong emotional attachment.

With that being the case, your sexual experience must be nurtured before you have sex with one another. You must find times to be affectionate when sex is not the objective.

In other words, be more touchy-feely with one another. Compliment each other, kiss more, even if it’s peeking on the cheeks and lips, and whisper with one another. These things may not seem significant at first, but the more you do them, they will have a positive effect on the overall sexual experience.

Keep Things Spicy

“Many times people become increasingly shy with the person they love the more time goes by. Partners begin to take their love for granted and forget to keep themselves turned on and continue to seduce their partner. Keep your ‘sex esteem’ alive by keeping up certain practices on a regular basis. This allows you to remain vibrant, sexy, and engaged in your love life.” Sari Cooper, LCSW, licensed individual, couples, and sex therapist

Unfortunately, a major problem that couples fall into after they’ve been together for a while is, they become unconcerned with their appearance around the house. This is a no-no. Think about it this way. Appearance is what brought you two together initially.

Therefore, no matter how long you’ve been together, don’t neglect your appearance around each other. Now, of course, I’m not talking about walking around the house dressed up.

I’m saying wear some nice pajamas, and shorts sometimes, and when the kids aren’t around, take it even further with thongs, briefs, lingerie, and tight-fitting tops. Make sure your hair looks good, get regular hair cuts, and make sure your beard is trimmed. The point is, to give each other something good to look at on a regular basis.

Don’t Feel Pressured To Perform

“The penis-vagina model of sex comes with pressures, such as having an orgasm at the same time or the idea that an orgasm should happen with penetration. With these strict expectations comes pressure on performance that ultimately leads many to feel a sense of failure and frustration.

Instead, try to expand your concept of sex to include anything that involves a close, intimate connection with your partner, such as sensual massages, taking a nice shower or bath together, reading an erotic story together, playing with some fun toys… the possibilities are endless.

And if orgasm happens, great, and if not, that’s OK too. When you expand your definition of sex and lower the pressure on orgasm and penetration, the anxiety around performance dissipates and your satisfaction can escalate.” Chelsea Holland, DHS, MS, sex and relationship therapist at The Intimacy Institute

What Dr. Holland says is the key to making your intimacy and sex life better. Expand your horizons. Don’t look at sex and intimacy as a responsibility. Responsibility kills arousal.

Take it easy. Enjoy and explore the possibilities of connecting in different ways with your partner. Remember, you love each other. Your intimacy and sex life are just another means of expressing that love. Relax, have fun, communicate, and keep the flames of passion and intimacy burning.

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