2020 Note to Self: Don't Die

Hello Me, Myself, and I,

We hope you are well. We are writing from 2021. We wanted to let you know that we have made it. Tired, fragmented, and anxious, but we are here. We have carried some things with us into 2021, but there are many things that we had to leave behind us in 2020.

Hugs and Handshakes

We had to leave behind hugs and handshakes in 2020. It was strange how quickly our brain became accustomed to face masks and social distancing as the new normal. Anxiety now arises within us when we watch Netflix shows filmed before the pandemic where people are in close proximity or in a crowded space. We hope that hugs will catch-up sometime soon in 2021, because we miss embracing our friends and family. Six feet apart has never felt so far away.

Toilet Paper, Hand Sanitizer, and Masks

You will not believe this, but there were fights over toilet paper, hand sanitizer, and wearing a mask in 2020. We watched TikTok videos of people rushing to shelves to hoard toilet paper. One woman even made a fortress out of toilet paper in her home. After the toilet paper stockpiling began, other items such as spaghetti sauce and tampons became difficult to find in stores. We were fortunate that a “shortage” only meant less and not a complete lack of these items. We have learned to be more thankful and are continuing this practice in 2021. Thankful for health, thankful for life, and even thankful for basic items such as toilet paper.

It is Okay to Not Be Okay

Our mental health diminished greatly in 2020. We made significant personal changes to our life that combined with the pandemic led to numerous breakdowns. We cried on bathroom floors, on beds, in cars, behind closed office doors and in the rain. Sometimes we were alone and sometimes there was someone there to tell us, “It’s okay to not be okay”. We have kept this little saying with us in 2021.

Mental Health Awareness

Speaking of mental health, we tried counseling on Zoom for the first time in 2020. We have met with many different counselors at different places throughout the years, but never on a video conference call. Zoom did not feel as personal and safe, so when it was allowed, we started meeting in person. However, we are elated that mental health awareness and accessibility to counseling became more widely available in 2020. Mental health is still a concern in 2021, so one of our goals is to continue to seek help.

Work Less, Play More

The first part of the year is a blur of working nonstop. We would start around 8 AM and typically crash between midnight and 3 AM when we could no longer keep our eyes open or when we were physically unable to see due to exhaustion. At one point, we even thought that we may be losing our eyesight.

The pace was unsustainable, and it eventually wreaked havoc on our mental and physical health. We struggled with persistent burnout the remainder of 2020. In 2021, we are making changes to invest our time and resources into endeavors that are more sustainable both mentally and physically.

2020 has taught us that life is fragile and can change quickly. We may not have tomorrow to dance in the kitchen instead of responding to that last work e-mail. Dance damnit.

Eat Food in Bed, Stress Less

We had become so obsessed with building our life that we had forgotten to live. We had spent hours studying to be able to obtain a successful career, to acquire opportunity and wealth. We achieved our dream job and started pouring countless hours into being the best. This new success allowed us to buy the house on the hill. We have always worked hard, hoping there would be time to play later. But we had sucked the air out of life—we could not stop running.

In 2020, we laughed when we dropped the brand-new Keurig and water went everywhere. We took quiet walks in the woods and silently watched a fox and its kits playing in the brush. We placed blankets over our shoulders and spun in circles. We ate dinner in bed, and we did not make the bed the next morning. We were present during the most banal and unpleasant moments and those little moments have returned the air to our lungs.

We danced in every room while clean towels sat in piles begging to be folded. In 2021, the towels will be there tomorrow, but we may not be--let the towels beg.

Yours Until the End, Me, Myself, and I