The new Intimidator, Austin Dillon

For any NASCAR fan, the term "rubbing is racing" might seem familiar. For any who have watched a NASCAR RACE, the term might seem logical. 20+ RACECARS all huddled together, going close to 200 mph in an eternal dance of left-turn-straight, might include a bit of mild jostling, a tight squeeze, and an occasional "caution flag" so RACERS can get their vehicles back in top RACING condition.

I put emphasis on the word RACE because that's what these competitions are. They're races. They aren't measurements to see whose vehicle can run the longest without a refill, although that does sometimes come into play. They're not engineering tests to see if a vehicle can withstand a 194 MPH headlong slide into a barrier, although... it does happen. These races aren't just sponsor-filled money grabs to see which young and upcoming country boy looks best in a full-body fire-resistant super onesie with helmet and grilling gloves. No. I know some of you NASCAR Lady fans might think so, and if that's what makes you happy, then that's EXACTLY what it is, for you. For me, this is America's greatest race to the finish.

Now, there have been a lot of GIANT names in NASCAR history. Giants of Industry, Giants of Racing, and Giants among us mortal men and women. One of those giants was none other than Dale Earnhardt, who went by a number of different nicknames, one which stands out to me as the most prominent: The Intimidator. He got this name because he wasn't afraid to do what needed to be done, to take that checkered flag at the end. If someone was crowding him, he'd give em a little nudge to tell em to back the F off. If someone was tail-gating him, he'd thank em kindly and put the pedal to the floor. And if someone was in his way on the last corner of the last lap, and the checkered flag was in sight, well... he'd move em out of the way... if he could.

Now, you might wonder, why on earth I'm telling you about Dale Earnhardt, the Intimidator, when the story is about Austin Dillon. If you;re a NASCAR fan, you already know. If not, well... now you'll know. NASCAR racers get numbers for their vehicles. That way, when they change paint colors, or their car becomes as mangled as your neighbor's Chevy Nova from 1972, the spotters and the Goodyear blimp overhead, can tell which car is which as they zip around the track. Dale Earnhardt was #3. A nice BIG #3. See the car in the photo above? #3? That's not Dale Earnhardt's car. That's Austin Dillon's, from a wreck back in 2015, which I was in the stands to see. It was quite the moment I will tell you.

Now, you can clearly see the engine of Austin Dillon's car on the grass there. Yes, the engine came right out and went flying. People came running from all over. Let me tell you how it happened.

Austin Dillon was going about 198 MPH (for real), and it was raining. It had been raining ALL FREAKING DAY. I had put a Poncho on over myself, my seat, my headset (you can rent them and listen to the race, and your favorite racers and their pit crews), and I was still SOAKED. The race was coming to an end. They were in their last laps. The sky was dark with cloud cover and night. The lights shined down from the stadium with brilliant glare. Cold wet rain poured down my back. I was ready to go.

Just ahead of Austin Dillon, Kevin Harvick and Denny Hamlin were battling it out. You know, Battling with cars. RACING. Kevin was bumping Denny, trying to catch the race leader, none other than Dale Earnhardt Junior, who was racing in the 88 car. Well, Harvick bumped Hamlin a bit too hard, or too much, or maybe just the right amount, depending on how you look at it, and Hamlin went sideways. This seems to be a pretty consistent thing for Hamlin. Sorry, Denny, it's true.

As Hamlin's car went sideways, it hit Dillon's car, sending it FLYING. It literally went over two other cars, and into the fence, which eviscerated the car, shredding the front and back of the car, and sending the engine flying into the grass where it eventually came to a stop and then sat there, burning.

Dillon's "car" or what was left of it, landed upside down, and was then hit by Brad Keselowski who was out of control. A total of THIRTEEN cars were involved in the crash. Dillon climbed out of the mangled wreckage and waved to fans, relieving the fears and worry many felt for his safety and welfare. He was of course driving the #3, and as many NASCAR fans know, an unfortunate accident involving the #3 just years earlier, claimed the life of Dale Earnhardt (Junior's dad), and so a lot of people were just like "Oh F no..." But Dillon was okay. There was no curse. Let it go.

Fast forward to last weekend's race. The entire race had been pretty much the same. Left, left, left, and another left. There's a lot of left turns in NASCAR. A lot of uneven wear on the tires. Oh, and did I mention, there's a bit of rubbing? Yeah! Really. But, this race was very hum-drum. Not many cautions the entire day. not many wrecks. Not a lot of excitement. Not to say watching a bunch of cars do an eternal left-hand turn isn't fun and exciting, but when something breaks up the monotonous left-hand turn, it tends to get people's blood pumping.

So, the race crawls to the end. The finishing line up is as follows; Austin Dillon #3 is in first place followed by Joey Logano #22, and Denny Hamlin #11. Austin Dillon was a been a BEAST the entire race, taking one of the "portions" of the race (they do then in pieces now) and he had accumulated enough points to be in the playoffs. He had the fastest car on the track, and was dominant in keeping the lead in the third leg of the race.

About 10 laps from the end, the commentators start saying that the only way, THE ONLY WAY, Austin Dillon can lose the race, is if they have a caution, and someone steals the finish from him on the restart. Why? Well, they say he's not "great" on the restarts. I take that to mean that his car isn't as fast in the lower gears, or he can't shift fast enough through the lower gears to get up to the highest speed possible like other drivers can.

As I watched, I got this sinking feeling. There are a lot of drivers and teams, that know each other. They hang out together. They do each other favors. NASCAR is kinda like the Hatfields and the McCoys, only with Car manufacturers and racing teams. Sometimes you got lower members consortin' with each other, and mingling and that sort of thing. And so I said to myself, Just watch. Some dumb M&^%%$@! is going to wreck and pull out the caution. Let me explain.

Let's say, the last two cars in the race, the ones that aren't doing too swell, they're not running as fast, they're grinding gears, maybe they have a cracked cylinder block and you can hear them sucking hind-tit all day, but they can't just switch out their car, or the engine, once the race has started. All day long, the drivers are just thinking - This sucks. Please, someone, run me into the wall so I can go back to the garage and eat a Snickers bar...

Now, let's say, the RACE LEADER comes all the way around, and it ready to LAP you. That means they catch the tail-end cars and pass them. Well, that's what was ready to happen as Austin Dillon came up behind the last two cars. And what happened? Well, let's just say, what I thought would happen, happened. FOR SOME DUMB F-ING REASON, the last two cars in the race decided they REALLY needed to battle it out for LAST-PLACE.

If I was in LAST-PLACE, and the LEAD CAR was behind me, you know what I would do? I'd get the F outta the way. I'd go high and let all the rest of the cars go past. My car's not hacking it! I'll just be glad to FINISH so I can get my points and go home, and maybe next race, the car will be better. But NOOOOO! These two guys decide, after seeing the WHITE FLAG (meaning the second to last lap) they wanna race for LAST. And what happens? They run into each other. The guy trying to pass the other one, get's half-way there, and then cuts into him, spinning them both out. A caution flag is flown, and everyone starts pitting.

FUCK! Now I have to explain pitting, and cautions. Okay, a caution means, everyone FREEZE! but they're still rolling. No passing, no improving your position, no racing for the moment. BUT, that doesn't apply to the PIT CREWS! So, there are required speeds in the pit lane, and all sorts of rules and regs, but what Pitting comes down to is; How fast can you get it done, and get the car back out on the track. While under caution, the race order is frozen. BUT if you decide to PIT, the order you LEAVE the track becomes the order you re-enter the track. SO... If #3, #22, and #11 leave the track, in that order, but they re-enter the track #3, #11, #22, their positions have changed. They've advanced their position, through pitting. And that's what happened. Austin Dillon's team was on it! They stayed in first, even after the Pit, and got back on the track in first place.

So, when the pace car left the track and the caution flag came down, the race was back on. It's called overtime, and there is no going back. No caution will save the day. Once the checkered flag is showing, that's it. Wrecks or no wrecks, whoever passes the finish line first, wins. The lead order was #3, #11, #22, BUT the #22 was behind #3, and #11 wasn't nearly as fast off the re-start, so IMMEDIATELY #22, Joey Logano, whips ahead of Austin Dillon in the #3 and takes the lead.

So, I'm going to put it out there, RIGHT F-ING NOW. He TOOK the lead. He didn't steal it. Joey Logano is better off the restarts, he knows his car, he can shift through gears like a hot scythe through butter. He does what he does and he does it well. THAT is called racing. He took the lead.

So, going into turn one (the last lap is basically 4 turns) they come off the re-start and they're lined up, #22, #3, and #11. Turn one is slow. They're still gaining speed. Turn two, soon after, still going slow-ish. They hit the straightaway. They pick up speed. Logano's car is pretty much topped out. He can't go any faster. But the #3 has speed to spare, and he's coming. He's coming FAST.

They get into turn three, and Austin Dillon comes up and "bumps" Joey Logano, sending him sideways in front of him. Logano is sliding toward the outside wall. Austin Dillon heads "down" the track, meaning he's going toward the inside of the turn. They're coming into turn 4 and Hamlin in the #11, tries to Squeeze by on the inside while Austin Dillon is involved with Logano...

For all you who are confused, here ya go.

#22, #3, #11. #3 bumps #22. #22 goes sideways, which causes both #22 and #3 to slow a bit. #11 decides to go around #3 to take the lead and win the race. Y'all with me?

The problem is, #3 still had the power and the speed. And he's MAINTAINED CONTROL OF HIS VEHICLE. He comes down the track on turn 4, and who's there? Who's the guy squeaking by? Oh yeah! #11~! So he clips #11 on the right back panel. Guess what? #11 loses control, and whips right, following #22 into the wall. #3, the new Intimidator, passes the finish line is is declared the winner! YAY! Austin Dillon wins!

Now, we fast forward to where Joey Logano brings his car into the pits, and then goes to Austin Dillon's pit and rev's his engine aggressively, as if he's going to run someone over. Real classy move Joey Logano, YOU BIG BABY! But hey, it's the Hatfields and McCoys... I mean... NASCAR. You get it.

Austin Dillon does a burnout for the crowd. Everyone is cheering. The guy who led more than half the race DID NOT let the two guys behind him, TAKE THE FINISH AWAY FROM HIM. What did he do? He raced. He raced, he conquered, he beat them off, he won. Ehhh, okay, I take that little last bit back. He didn't beat anyone off. He, uh... defended his position. That sounds better.

Fast forward to the interviews and first thing it's Joey Logano, while Austin Dillon is still out there waving to the crowd. They ask Joey "the baby" Logano, how he feels about being put into the wall by Austin Dillon (or round about those words) and he calls Austin Dillon, "chicken-shit". Now, them's fightin' words but again, this is the Hatfields and McCoys. It's expected. But the BOOOOOOOO from the crowd, who could hear the interview and commentators, was audible. The entire crowd BOO'ed Joey "the baby" Logano's words, but he kept on dishing out the dis, bad-mouthing Austin Dillon, and saying that there aren;t any penalties for stuff like that so it'll keep happening. Yup. You're right Joey. RACING will keep happening. And you'll keep whining about every driver who pushes you outta the way while you try to TAKE the finish from them on the last lap. Yup. You got that right.

Now, Hamlin was more reserved, more relaxed and while he did acknowledge that Austin "got into the back of him"... ehhh... you know. He did lament that this was a repeat scenario when it comes to his finishes. His tone made it seem like he wasn't necessarily a willing participant in that sort of thing, and didn't like that it keeps happening. I'd say to both Denny Hamlin #11, and Joey "the baby" Logano #22, there are ways to prevent this sort of thing.

#1.) RACE. Austin Dillon had to keep control of his vehicle when he "bumped" Joey "the baby" Logano from behind. (Yes, I will always and forever call him that now). I'm petty. Not Richard Petty. Just petty. So, Austin Dillon maintained control of his vehicle, when he bumped the #22. He continued to MAINTAIN control when he clipped Hamlin #11. You can watch the replay and see, when he clipped Hamlin, he went sideways. He almost lost control! He was actually diagonally coming down the track, but he pulled it straight, hit the gas and crossed the finish line! DONE. So, lesson #1. Learn how to RACE, which includes, maintaining control at all times.

#2.) Stop being such a bunch of insufferable little babies. I'm taking about you, Joey "the baby" Logano. Just stop. When you hear the entire stadium of NASCAR fans Booing you for your comments, that means, it's you against your fans. Fans equal merchandise, and sponsorship and money. No fans equals no merchandise sales, boycotting, bitch-slapping, and no money. So, stop being a baby, you big baby!

#3.) Stop hanging in the back behind the fastest car, and trying to "steal" the win at the very end. I'm going to use that word this one time. There are a few racers in the history of NASCAR that made quite a lucrative career doing just this thing. They'd start off slow, hang in the middle of pack, or even lag toward the back of the pack the entire race, and then, toward the end of the race, they'd start inching their way forward. This was before points, and before the race being broken into legs or pieces. These drivers would be "sleepers" or just hanging around like their cars weren't that great, and then, at the end, they'd ZOOM out in the front and take the finish. Take it from behind... which felt more like they were giving it, rather than taking it, if you know what I mean. Not saying that isn't racing! IT IS! But if you're going to do it, and you get wrecked doing it because you can't MAINTAIN CONTROL after getting bumped, then you suffer the consequences! See this rule involves rule 1, and 2!

#4.) Stop trying to squeak by while mommy and daddy are rubbing out front. If you see something - don't say something. Nobody wants to hear what you have to say. But when you try to sneak by and someone grabs your shit and yanks you back, or slings you into the wall... well? Let's say it together. THAT'S RACING. LIVE WITH IT. Hamlin, if you don't want this to become your "finishing move" for all races, stop being in that position. Get a faster car, like Dillon, or get better with your hand action, like Logano. I'm sure his hand action is superb. I'm talking about quick restarts and overcompensating when he gets bumped. Not whatever you were thinking. (tongue in cheek)

Now, here's the BULLSHIT. After the race, they (NASCAR) did a little bit of investigation because... well, I'm gonna assume they do that? They just investigate everything? But I'd say it was Joey "the baby" Logano, and his crying that prompted it. Turns out, Austin Dillon's spotter, a fraction of a second before Austin Dillon "bumped" Joey "the baby" Logano, said to Austin Dillon, "wreck him".

Now, with that being said, did Austin Dillon's spotter do something wrong? Does he have some sort of mysterious control over Austin Dillon? Is he able to control the driver through some sort of mind control? Or maybe the spotter is driving the vehicle by remote control, and Austin Dillon is just along for the ride...

Now, NASCAR seems to be quite "liberal" when it comes to what people can do, and say. Again, the Hatfields and McCoys. From rednecks and Republicans to Democrats and snowflakes, they let anyone in. Case in point, Joey "the baby" Logano. Sorry, I just had to say that one last time. But seriously, is a spotter telling his driver to wreck someone in the heat of the moment, culpable? Punishable? It's not like he drove onto pit road and then revved his engine in a threatening manner at the winner's pit box! But the spotter got fined and suspended. Joey... "the baby" Logano... ehhhh it does kinda get old quick... he only got a fine.

In my opinion, and it is only an opinion, from a die-hard NASCAR far, this entire thing is a double-edged dagger. Start fining people for what coulda-woulda-shoulda been, and you're wrong. Revving an engine is just being pissed off. Now if he TRIED to hit someone, or did hit someone, then there should be much harsher consequences, but just revving his engine should get Logano a warning letter and a requirement that he apologize for BEING A BABY! As far as Austin Dillon, NASCAR took his points because of the bump and grind. He got to keep his win, but he lost his points and he's out of the finals. That is complete bullshit. He RACED a good race. He did what he was MADE to do. Not paid to do, MADE to do. He raced. Austin Dillon shouldn't have been reprimanded at all. And as far as his spotter goes, again, a warning, telling the spotter guy, to choose better words. Maintain your cool. Don't be such a fan-girl when relaying information. No need to tell Austin to "punch it" or "turn left" or "it's hot out today, don'tcha-know?" No need to tell him to "wreck" someone either. I'm pretty sure, he knows how to drive. And he certainly known how to RACE.