The Most Dangerous “Red Pill” Lie

Overweight, but can't lose weight?

It's not your fault. It's all because of Big Pharma. Or lies from the diet industry. Or gluten.

Of course it has nothing to do with the fact that you are choosing to consume more calories than you expend. Buy our new diet program or detox juice or essential oils!

Unhappy with your life?

It's not your fault. It's all because of the other political party. Or the devil. Or aliens who came to Earth and trapped all our souls inside a volcano.

Of course it has nothing to do with the fact that you are choosing to prioritize immediate gratification over delayed gratification in key areas of your life. Join our political party or religion or cult!

Can't get girls?

It's not your fault. It's all because women are stupid and immoral. Or because feminists are trying to turn men into women. Or because women only care about looks, money, and status.

Of course it has nothing to do with the fact that you can count the number of women you've approached in your life on one hand and rely too much on dating apps, or that you view women as objects to conquer rather than as human partners, or that your pessimism and attitude of self-victimization make you absolutely insufferable. Take the red pill or the black pill or whatever color pill!

"The thing about Red Pill that's so appealing is that anyone telling you, "It's not your fault," is probably going to get your attention. It's honestly one of the most appealing arguments someone can make. If you're unhappy with your life, and they come to you, and they say, 'Hey, none of this is your fault,' even as a defense mechanism you're like, 'I'm listening,' right?" - Josh Johnson

"It's not your fault."

Those are some of the most powerful words in the human language.

And those words are not completely wrong.

It is virtually impossible for us to have 100% control over anything in life. External factors will always play a role.

If you have a harder time losing weight than some other people, maybe it actually is in part due to a thyroid problem that was outside of your control.

If you have persistent quality of life issues making it difficult to be happy, maybe it is in part due to certain political parties making it harder for you to access or afford healthcare.

If you have a harder time getting the attention of women, maybe it is in part due to the fact that you could never grow past 5'5" (like me).

Blaming external factors like that is super alluring because no one wants to take responsibility for bad things that happen. That's scary. Ego no likey.

The cold hard truth, though, is that our own actions will also always play a role.

It is virtually impossible for external factors to have 100% control over anything in your life. In fact, your own actions will almost always play a greater role than external factors.

Even if you have a thyroid problem and a disability that makes it impossible to go to the gym, there are still plenty of things you can do to get your weight under control.

Even if your country is so messed up that it costs $3000 or more just for an ambulance ride, there are still plenty of things you can do to live life happily.

Even if women have flat out told me that I'm too short for them, that they don't like men of my race, that I'm just not their type for one reason or another, I was still able to do so many things that eventually allowed me to date and sleep with more than a hundred incredible women, many of whom were conventionally beautiful enough to model for a living.

"It's not your fault" is a slippery slope to being a hater.

The reason "It's not your fault" is so dangerous is that it leads you to displacing blame onto someone else, and that often makes you hate that someone else. In this case, it's women.

And hating women is the opposite of loving women.

Being a man who truly loves women makes it far easier to connect with them, date them, seduce them, and overall just surround yourself with their beauty by basking in their world.

It also makes it far easier to be loved by them.

Wouldn't you rather live a life of love than hate?

Successful people have what psychologists call an "Internal Locus of Control."

Their fundamental belief is that they are in control of what happens in their lives as opposed to being at the mercy of the will of the gods.

They don't dwell on any "it's not your fault" ideas. They're immune to such mental temptations.

It's worth having compassion for people who suffer because of external factors that heavily impacted their lives. But such circumstances do not absolve them of their responsibility to do their part in fixing their own problems in some way. Their deserving of compassion disappears the moment they unjustly hate or harm others, especially marginalized groups, as a result of self-victimization.

Not all hope is lost for such people, though. They always have the choice to embrace an internal locus of control, to embrace love, and to start making a change.

I invite you to start doing so today.

This article was originally published on Medium.