The Hidden Struggles of Men Online: Trolling, Insecurity, and Silent Cries for Help

The internet has become a stage where countless interactions take place, but among them is a troubling phenomenon: male trolls targeting women with relentless criticism, condescension, and, at times, outright hate. While it’s tempting to dismiss these remarks as the work of bots or people simply seeking attention, the truth is often more complex and unsettling. Many of these men are deeply unwell, and their trolling is a reflection of inner turmoil.

From Goofus and Gallant to Real Life

For those who remember the classic Goofus and Gallant comics from Highlights for Children, the two characters served as archetypes of behavior: Goofus represented irresponsibility and rudeness, while Gallant epitomized kindness and respect. These simple stories taught children how to behave better by contrasting the wrong and right ways to handle situations.

In today’s digital world, it’s easy to draw a similar comparison between male trolls and good men. My husband, for example, is a real-life Gallant. He’s respectful, feminist, and supportive. He values his friendships with women and approaches life with kindness.

Male trolls, on the other hand, are the epitome of Goofus. They lurk online, making it their mission to police women’s conversations, correct their views, or belittle their experiences. Whether they’re jumping into Twitter threads, Reddit forums, or comment sections, these men seem to be fueled by an overwhelming need to assert dominance.

The contrast couldn’t be clearer. While good men support and uplift, trolls project their insecurities, anger, and fears onto the women they target. Their behavior is troubling, but it also reveals something deeper: many of these men are not okay, and it’s painfully evident.

Why Are Male Trolls So Angry?

There’s an old saying: “Hurt people hurt people.” This sentiment rings true when you examine the motivations of male trolls. Studies show that men who engage in trolling, harassment, or gendered discrimination online often feel powerless in their personal lives. Their actions are a misguided attempt to reclaim control and power, particularly over women, whom they perceive as a threat or as having an advantage they lack.

Not every troll fits this mold, however. Some harbor a deep resentment toward women due to personal baggage—perhaps failed relationships, unrequited love, or feelings of inadequacy. Others have been radicalized by misogynistic ideologies that paint women as villains in the story of their lives.

Occasionally, these men will even admit that they are struggling. Behind the mask of online hostility lies a man who might be battling depression, loneliness, or other mental health challenges. But instead of seeking help in healthy ways, they lash out.

Invading Women’s Spaces

One striking pattern among male trolls is their tendency to infiltrate spaces designed for women. Whether it’s feminist forums, social media threads, or female-centric subreddits, these men feel compelled to insert themselves into conversations that are not about them.

Women, in contrast, rarely invade male-dominated spaces. It’s uncommon to see women engaging in forums like TheRedPill or similar corners of the internet. This discrepancy highlights a gendered behavior: male trolls don’t enter these spaces to understand women better; they do it to control the narrative.

Their motives vary. Some want to remind women that “not all men are bad” or “not all men” are like the ones being criticized. Others aim to intimidate, bully, or silence women who are sharing their experiences. For many, it’s a power play—a way to reassert dominance and stifle women’s voices.

This behavior stems from a fear of losing control. When women talk openly and freely, the cracks in men’s gaslighting and manipulative behaviors become visible. Trolls sense this loss of power and react with hostility, attempting to regain control through intimidation and harassment.

Trolling as a Cry for Help

On some level, trolling is a desperate plea for attention. Much like neglected children who act out to gain the notice of their parents, trolls crave engagement. Even negative attention—arguments, rebuttals, or angry responses—validates their existence.

This is why the best response to trolling is often no response at all. Blocking, reporting, and ignoring trolls denies them the validation they seek. But understanding their behavior through this lens reveals something poignant: these men are crying for help in the only way they know how, even if it’s destructive.

It’s important to recognize how much energy it takes to troll someone. Crafting hateful comments, engaging in prolonged arguments, and obsessively monitoring discussions about women requires time and effort. This level of commitment speaks to a deeper obsession—one rooted in unresolved anger and pain.

Radicalization, Trauma, and Ignorance

Many male trolls don’t arrive at their hostility overnight. For some, their behavior is the result of radicalization by right-wing media or online communities that perpetuate misogynistic ideologies. These spaces reinforce toxic beliefs about women, feeding a cycle of anger and resentment.

Others carry genuine trauma, often stemming from failed relationships or negative experiences with women in their lives. Unfortunately, instead of addressing these issues through self-reflection or therapy, they externalize their pain and blame women as a whole.

There’s also a striking level of ignorance among trolls. They lack the self-awareness needed to recognize their own role in their unhappiness. Rather than looking inward, they focus outward, believing that women’s submission or validation will somehow heal their wounds.

Women Are Not Responsible for Men’s Healing

One of the most troubling aspects of trolling is the expectation that women should engage with these men or somehow fix them. Trolls seem to believe that women owe them attention, debate, or validation. But this couldn’t be further from the truth.

It is not women’s responsibility to soothe men’s fragile egos or heal their insecurities. Engaging with trolls, even in an attempt to reason with them, only reinforces their bad behavior. Women have no obligation to entertain, argue with, or accommodate men who seek to control or dominate them.

Instead, trolls need to confront their own issues. Their problems are internal, not external. No amount of submission or attention from women will resolve the anger and insecurity they feel.

What Can Be Done?

For male trolls, the path to healing begins with self-awareness. Recognizing that their behavior stems from unresolved issues is the first step. From there, they can seek help through therapy, support groups, or even a break from social media.

Men’s support groups with a feminist approach can be particularly helpful, offering a safe space to unpack insecurities and rebuild self-esteem. Therapy, too, provides tools for addressing underlying trauma and developing healthier ways of interacting with others.

Stepping away from toxic online communities is another crucial step. These spaces often amplify feelings of anger and resentment, reinforcing harmful beliefs. Disconnecting from these environments can break the cycle of negativity.

A Hopeful Future

At their core, most men want meaningful relationships and genuine connections. But these can only be achieved through self-improvement and emotional growth—not through trolling or dominating others.

The good news is that change is possible. With the right support and effort, men can break free from the toxic patterns that lead to trolling. By addressing their insecurities and learning healthier ways to cope, they can build a more fulfilling life—one that doesn’t rely on tearing others down.

For women, the best course of action is to hold firm boundaries. Protect your spaces, block and report trolls, and refuse to engage in their toxic games. It’s not your job to fix them, and it never will be.

Ultimately, the responsibility for healing lies with the trolls themselves. Until they choose to confront their issues, they will remain stuck in a cycle of anger and unhappiness. And while their behavior may be frustrating or hurtful, it’s important to remember: their anger isn’t a reflection of you—it’s a reflection of them.