My Relationship with my Father

The relationship between Asian fathers and their sons is often complex and multifaceted, influenced by cultural values, societal expectations, and generational differences. Asian cultures, with their emphasis on filial piety and respect for authority, often shape the dynamics within father-son relationships.

Traditionally, Asian fathers are seen as the heads of the household, responsible for providing for and protecting their families. They often hold high expectations for their sons, placing an emphasis on academic success, professional achievement, and maintaining family traditions. These fathers strive to instill discipline, hard work, and a strong sense of responsibility in their sons from a young age.

Education is of paramount importance to Asian fathers, especially my dad, who believe that academic success is a key factor in my future. He pushed me to excel academically and invest significant resources in tuition and extracurricular activities. The pressure to perform at a high level was expected, and I always felt immense pressure to live up to their fathers' expectations.

Communication between my father and I is limited as the emphasis on respect for authority creates a hierarchical dynamic. I've never really openly expressed my feelings or share personal struggles, in fear of disappointing or bringing up a topic on which we both have different views on. My mother always says there is a lack of understanding on both sides.

Asian fathers and mine may demonstrate their love and care through actions and gestures rather than overt verbal affection. However, I hope this does not mean that they do not care deeply for their children.

I guess I've always had a more individualistic mindset, seeking to balance traditional values with personal aspirations and a desire for independence. This has been brought up many times by him and it does create a tension in the house. We have had arguments about his actions and mine and showing any form of emotion is always seen as a negative thing, especially in this house. I've always been told that a man doesn't cry.

I've always been jealous of movie characters that have a good relationship with their fathers, or seeing people in my life get to enjoy such a good father-son relationship.

In the end, he's still my father and there's nothing I can do about it. But I'll learn what I can from him and change it to better suit me and my life and the future that I want to create. With that, I've given some thought on how I hope I can be a good parent in the future.

1. Love and Emotional Support: Show your children love, care, and emotional support. Let them know they are valued and cherished. Be present and attentive to their emotional needs, providing a safe and nurturing environment where they can express themselves openly.

2. Communication and Active Listening: Foster open lines of communication with your children. Encourage them to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences with you. Practice active listening, which involves giving your full attention, validating their emotions, and responding with empathy.

3. Setting Boundaries and Providing Structure: Establish clear boundaries and expectations for your children's behavior. Consistency and structure can help children feel secure and develop a sense of responsibility. Encourage their independence while also providing guidance and discipline when necessary.

4. Leading by Example: Be a role model for your children. Demonstrate the values and behaviors you wish to instill in them, such as honesty, respect, empathy, and perseverance. Your actions will have a profound impact on how they perceive and interact with the world.

5. Quality Time and Engagement: Spend quality time with your children, engaging in activities that they enjoy and that foster their growth and development. This can include playing together, reading, helping with homework, or pursuing shared hobbies and interests.

6. Support and Encouragement: Be supportive of your children's aspirations and interests. Encourage them to pursue their passions, explore their talents, and embrace their individuality. Offer guidance and encouragement as they face challenges and setbacks, helping them develop resilience and a growth mindset.

7. Balancing Work and Family Life: Strive to find a healthy balance between your work commitments and your role as a father. Prioritize quality time with your children, even amidst a busy schedule. Show them that they are a priority in your life.

8. Lifelong Learning: Recognize that being a good father is an ongoing process of learning and adaptation. Seek opportunities to learn about parenting, child development, and effective communication. Be open to feedback, reflect on your own actions, and make adjustments as needed.

I believe that everyone sets out with the dream of being the perfect parent, even the ones who might seem horrible. But at the end of the day, I know he will always have my best interest at heart and so will I, when I become a father.