Men Support Men

Have you ever wondered why mass shootings are typically instigated by men? Have you ever wondered why men typically are the causes of domestic violence in the home? I never, in a million years, would ever excuse domestic violence or mass violence on any level because it goes without saying, that it is wrong. I don’t think anyone would argue otherwise. Also, if you, or anyone you know has personally experienced any kind of physical violence, then from the bottom of my heart, my soul hurts on your behalf. I feel tremendous compassion for you in this moment as I write this. What I want to consider here is how men, in particular, get to the point of a violent act. I believe it can all be rooted back to poor emotional regulation or suppression. I think that many men in the general population have not been encouraged properly to “feel” to simply “be.”

This comes to mind because I subconsciously had a lot of issues communicating or expressing my own emotions. Negative societal connotations arise daily driving men into suffering quietly by not ever opening up to talk about their inner processing.

Recently, I’ve been trying to give more acknowledgment to my emotions and thoughts as they occur. It’s hard work. There are so many other things that I’d rather do or pay attention to. I would much rather focus on other people’s emotions and ask them what they’re going through. To me it is easier to listen to other people share their burdens, frustrations, or fears than to talk about my own problems. I ask myself though, am I avoiding my own emotional needs when I focus too much on others? The honest answer to my question is, yes.

I believe many people who work in helping professions can easily get overwhelmed by the needs of others and sacrifice their own physical and emotional health. If you’ve studied the MBTI personality typology, then you will soon learn that any of the four “NF” types are extra prone to over self-sacrificing for other people.

One of the things that I would like to see is more men supporting men in healthy ways. There are so many grown men who don’t have close friends. This is a sad thing. I really want to break sigmas that men need to be completely self sufficient and not depend any anyone. The truth is that men need a form of validation that cannot be provided by their wives, families or coworkers. They need validation in life from other men who are on the same journey of life. We weren’t made to fight a war alone, hence the reason for many men fighting side by side in the military. Why should civilian life be different?

My call to action is for there to be more support groups where men can just be themselves. Camping, hiking, sporting events, writing or book clubs, church men’s groups, or whatever else men can do together in community is crucial. We shouldn’t be afraid to support one another since we’re all weak at times just like we’re all strong at times. Men need to encourage one another, instead of tearing one another down verbally. Playful joking is one thing, but we need to be positive with our words and treatment of others.

I believe that if more men felt more connected in community with other men that there would be less violence coming from them. Again, I’m not excusing violence but I think that there is a lot that could be prevented if we just befriend each other and then support each other with powerful and faithful sincerity!