I was ready to have sex all night – then he fell asleep

I had just enjoyed some of the best sex of my life and should have been on a high.

But my orgasm had barely faded when a familiar feeling of annoyance set in.

When I arrived at Blake’s* flat, I hadn’t been surprised to find that he had made no effort whatsoever for our sexual rendezvous.

I found him sitting on his sofa, looking dishevelled from a night out with his mates.

Meanwhile, I shaved my legs, put on my finest lingerie and brought us a pizza.

I knew I deserved more – yet, here I was.

We were in a ‘situationship’ that consisted of constant texting, sex and the budding promise of a romance that never really seemed to transpire.

Despite feeling disappointed by Blake’s blatant lack of effort, I was once again seduced by his charm and we ended up having the most amazing sex on his sofa, before going upstairs for round two.

I should have walked out the moment I got to his place – but I didn’t.

We kept up this bizarre routine until finally, after much longer than I’d like to admit, I told him that I deserved better.

People often think that, as a woman who has had a number of lovers far above the UK average – four people in a lifetime – I must have plenty of regrets.

It’s never said to me as an insult; rather, they simply assume that the more sexual encounters you’ve had, the higher the odds are that some of them have gone awry.

Funnily enough, I don’t regret having sex with the people I have.

Regrets as a whole isn’t something I believe in, because you can’t change the past and your experiences shape who you are – and I quite like myself.

I have just one exception: I wish I’d demanded the respect I always knew I deserved from my lovers.

It’s a lesson I’d like to impart, so that – hopefully – you don’t make the same mistake.

So I don’t regret having sex with Blake, but I do regret that he behaved like an arse and I let him get away with it.

Sadly, he’s not the only one.

Many years ago, I hooked up with an ex. Shane* and I had randomly run into each other on a night out and it felt like fate was pushing us back together.

He came back to my place and we had sex – and Shane was just as good as I remembered. There had been no promises made and I had no expectations of what would happen next.

But I was shocked beyond belief when, after spending hours in bed, talking, sleeping together and cuddling, Shane just rolled out of bed and left.

A few days later, I gave him a piece of my mind but a strange feeling of guilt still lingered in my gut.

‘You should have seen this coming,’ I told myself for a very long time afterwards, as if the blame was on me for not knowing better.

Shane didn’t even bother to respond, which felt not only hurtful but disrespectful.

This wasn’t about us reconnecting – because I was fine with having done so – but he should have been enough of an adult to behave accordingly afterwards.

While several of my former lovers definitely deserve blame for acting ungentlemanly, I have a feeling that some of their conduct was due to incorrect assumptions of what I wanted from them – again, my only regret is not being clearer.

Vince* and I had been shagging on-again, off-again for about a year.

I wasn’t expecting anything serious from him, nor did I want it – so when he invited me over for a night of good sex, I happily accepted.

We met up after a night out with our respective mates and were up until the wee hours having a smashing time in the sack together.

The next morning, Vince abruptly woke me up after three hours of sleep to tell me that his dad was on his way to help him pack because he was moving to another city.

Firstly, kicking a lover out of bed without warning at 7am is a pretty s**tty thing to do unless you make it clear before they come over that you have early morning plans.

Secondly, not telling someone that you are shagging – whether casually or not – that you are about to leave town is just bizarre.

I am a firm believer that regrets are a waste of time, unless they teach you something. In all of the above examples, sex was not the issue.

The real problem was that I, as young women in particular tend to feel, was afraid to tell these men that how they treated me outside of bed was much more important than whether they were good lovers.

Thankfully, these days, I would never accept sex – or dating – without respect. It is freeing to walk away or say ‘I’m not interested in this type of behaviour’.

Don’t live your life with regrets – but never settle for less than you deserve.