Coming Out Of My Shell

When I was young, i was a very shy and reserved kid. My mum was always around, while my dad was busy with work the majority of the time, meaning i'd only see him evenings and weekends, and most evening would be him wanting sitting watching TV, so trying to get help with homework was often a hard press.

So, as a result, the majority of the parenting went to my mother. My mum is a wonderfully kind and considerate person that did a great job of raising me, but really didn't discipline me much (that was my father's doing), mind you, i never stepped out of line as i was too scared to. So I was always the kids that obeyed his parents, no matter what, even on days when i wished i could miss out on school, my dad wasn't having any of that. Though if i didn't want to attend a swimming lesson, for instance, mum would occasionally let me off and when i no longer wanted to partake in Beaver (the equivalent of Scouts), she was happy to oblige. As a result, this form of parenting turn me into someone who could basically get away with weaselling out of things, due to simply not wanting to do them, rather than a stricter parent forcing them too. I often wonder if my mum was a little less motherly to me, it may have allow me to break out of my shell a lot earlier in my life, so to speak.

It wouldn't be until we moved to Australia from the UK as a family, that i'd finally get a chance to become a more independent person and not constantly having to rely on my mother for support. I was basically thrust into a new country, where i knew no one, didn't really know anything about the culture and had no friend, let alone additional family for support. As a result, i was forced to gain my independence must faster than expected and as a result, became a much more independent person as a result.

I'd start attending church regularly, after being involved in the youth program for several years and choosing to become a youth leader, after i became too old for youth group. During this time, i made many friend and started to become a lot more of an extrovert. I'd be striking up conversations with fellow church gowers and probably got to know about 70% of the congregation, though all the various activities and events i was involved with. I would eventually decide to leave the church around the time that COVID became imminent, due to conflicting issues and as a result, lost the various bonds with people involved in the church, except for the odd few.

While the introvert inside me loved the isolation, at first and not being forced to regularly meet up with people. It eventually started to hit me and i started to become slightly depressed at the prospect of not being able to see my friends, face to face, relying only on the odd video chat to keep me sane. Since lock down ended, I've tried to encourage myself to get out more and socialise with more people and get to know new people. But there's still the introverted side of me, that's happy to spend most nights, watching tv or playing video games, as my social interaction level is often depleted by this stage. It's a constant balance, that i try my best to keep stable, but at the end of the day i am an introvert and tend to opt more for my desire to adhere to this and become less obligated to attend things, due to how i'm feeling at the time.