Why can't a man give you the security you want? (depth)

Wei and her husband have been married for six years and have a lovely son.

Her husband is successful and now runs a foreign trade company independently.

Xiao Wei quit her job to be a housewife for her son.

But recently, as her husband socialized more and came home later, Wei felt that her husband was no longer as enthusiastic as before.

"I really feel insecure," Wei said.

"I suspect my husband is cheating on me, but now he hates me if I ask too many questions. But the more he treats me like this, the more suspicious I get.

When he's not home yet, I start to wonder what I would do if he really betrayed me.

"My husband often accuses me of being too sensitive and suspicious. Now these days, even when he comes home late from work, he doesn't explain to me. I don't want to doubt my husband all the time, but I can't stop distrusting him inside. I feel like I'm going crazy."

It's clear that Wei is struggling, that her suspicion, her distrust, her helplessness is just like a fog covering her eyes.

If her husband doesn't get home on time, or doesn't tell her the schedule, she gets worried, she gets scared, she gets scared that he's going to cheat, and as she said, "I really have this uneasy feeling," "if he does cheat on me, I really don't know what to do."

In intimate relationships, do you often have thoughts or behaviors like:

Do you always ask if they love you?

Think each other is their own rely on, must be responsible for their own;

I get antsy when people don't text me back.

Hope the other party to go to where you have to report, if you do not know where he is, the heart will be very panic;

If the other party is not enthusiastic, has different opinions, or has a little criticism and negation, it will think that the other party does not value and does not love you.

When two people have a contradiction, often mouth out "break up" or "divorce" words, to test whether the other party really do not care about their own;

When wronged, dare not resist, completely with each other as the center;

Don't trust each other to say, always feel in cheat you;

There is always a feeling that the other side may abandon them, and even torture themselves, blackmail each other, etc..

How many items on the above list do you fit?

If you don't fit any of these criteria, then congratulations, you still feel secure in your relationship.

If you fit any of these criteria, don't worry. According to multiple studies by researchers, 80 percent of women are generally insecure, albeit to varying degrees.

Healing begins when you see your inner insecurity.

01

Where does a person's sense of security come from?

Some say money, some say love, some say both. A man's money is his own, only he is good to you, is his affection for you, he is good to you is yours, but these things will change.

Gao Xiaosong once said: the real sense of security is to find their own spiritual dimension, so as to avoid the wandering of the soul.

So real security can only come from one place, and that's inside us.

Because the essence of security is to have a stable inner world, not afraid of any risks outside, not afraid of being abandoned and not afraid of living alone.

It's not just women who find security in marriage. Men do too, but in different ways.

For example, many men would like to be "needed" by their partners to satisfy their sense of security. If a man's career is depressed while his partner's career is successful, a man will also feel anxious. He will be afraid that he cannot bear family responsibilities and that his wife will look down on him if he does not work hard enough.

For example, if a man marries a beautiful wife, or a wife who is superior to him in all aspects, his inner heart will remain vigilant. They will worry that their wife will be tempted by excellent men outside, they will also worry about being "cuckolded", or no longer needed!

Both men and women want the security of marriage and a partner.

Why are we so insecure?

Find the answer to this question, perhaps, we have found the ultimate key to marital happiness.

02

Teacher Su Hong believes that anxiety in marriage is actually the cause of a lack of security. At first you are aggressive, but in the end into a step by step retreat, in fact, is a have to fear of losing the retreat.

But you find that the more you return, he doesn't seem to care.

Your fear, your worries about gains and losses, in fact, all come from you don't know how to master their own sense of security, don't know how to love yourself.

Even, some people carry this behavior to the next generation, unable to control their husbands, they want to control their sons.

Such a result, is undoubtedly hurt themselves, and hurt the family.

So please stop this behavior and stop being the resentful or anxious woman.

Out of their own life, live out their own confidence, regain their sense of security!

Senior relationship coach, 11 years of experience?? Dr. Su Hong?? Will take you:?

Get rid of the security black Hole

Search for the true source of your inner security

Teach you a sense of security shaping strategy, harvest balance marriage

Doctor of Psychology, Fudan University

Studied and worked in psychology for 11 years;

2500 hours of cases;

Teach you about relationship security

No more worrying about gain or loss

More leisurely love

03

In a relationship, I am afraid that my lover will leave me;

At work, I always worry that my performance is not good enough;

In my life, I always feel like so many things are out of control;

What should I do?

How to BE IN THIS NOT PEACEFUL world, the sense of security that seeks to belong TO ONESELF IS EVERYONE'S compulsory course!

If you like, here I will tell you security, what it feels like, what is its essence?

When you see this naughty child, you will not be afraid of its mystery, here, I will tell you a sense of security, it is how to come, it is how to go, when you saw the process of this come and go

You know the real security is in you.

When you are with your security you become an invulnerable warrior, like a tiny star hanging in the sky, with a steady but constant warm glow, protecting and illuminating yourself and others.

When you and your sense of security together, the long road of life, will not be muddy!