Why are Elaborate Weddings Still a Thing?

I know that some people grow up wanting a huge wedding with all the lace, flowers, family, and friends the venue of their dreams can hold. I was never one of those folks. If you are, perhaps this isn't the article for you, because I want to talk to the ones who are looking for a way out of such an event, simply don't have the resources for one, or, like me, are uninclined.

Now, that the bridezillas are gone, let's talk about small weddings. It's really up to you what you call "small." Some would call this twenty or fewer guests. Some think this means up to sixty attendees. It's all semantics. What we're talking about here is what you deem comfortable for your big day. If it's just you and your partner with the minimum number of witnesses or a select few friends and family, there's nothing wrong with that. Don't let anyone goad you into having some huge function you don't want. At the end of the day, it is about marrying the person in front of you, not who watches it happen.

There are many reasons you might prefer a small wedding. Perhaps it is a matter of cost. You either don't want to blow your budget on the first day of your marriage or you can't afford to do so. There's nothing wrong with that. Paring down will save you money that you can then spend on bigger priorities like buying your first house or, in some cases, relocation.

Another reason is simply that you want the day to be more intimate, with just those family and friends that you want to be there rather than a bunch of people present only because you feel obligated for them to attend. I mean, do you need your always drunk uncle Bob or your horrible boss at your wedding?

A very real consideration in planning your wedding is your time and well-being. Do you want the stress of planning some elaborate event? Do you have the time? Even with a wedding planner, assuming you can afford one, it is a lot to consider and plan. If you can deal with the planning and you want a big wedding, then go for it. If not, then why complicate your life further?

So, with all of that in mind, let's talk about ways to plan your small wedding.

A small wedding doesn't have to mean you're getting married in your mother's living room. Just because your guest list is small, doesn't mean you have to skimp on the things you have your heart set on. Sit down, assess your budget, and then allocate your resources to the things that are most important to you, like your ideal venue or the perfect dress. Perhaps a reception with delicious food and a mind-blowing wedding cake is where your priorities lie.

It's your day and you can do it your way. So, let's talk about some pointers for pulling it off without a hitch.

• Nail your venue down early and make sure it is dedicated to you. You don't want to be scrambling around on the day of the wedding because you have to wait for another event to conclude before you can set up for yours.

• Keep your guest list down to only those you feel you can't imagine getting married without them present. If you haven't seen them for a year or you wouldn't invite them for dinner, why do you want them at your wedding? Want to keep your guests to only those who are invited? Stick to your guns if you decide on no plus ones or children. Just (politely) say no.

• Find a wedding coordinator. This doesn't have to be some huge expense. Some venues offer staff that will handle this. If not, it can even be a capable cousin or a friend from work who doesn't mind tending the details while you get hitched. You just need someone to make sure the details don't fall apart on your wedding day. You'll have your hands full getting ready beforehand and getting married during. The last thing you need is your hair appointment pre-empted by a catering crisis, your tux missing its jacket, or to be filled with anxiety about something while saying your vows. You need someone to run interference.

• Do you need bridesmaids? Do you need a best man? That's up to you. The beauty of a small wedding is that you don't need a wedding party to prance down the aisle before you or stand by your side during the ceremony. Perhaps you skipped the expense of the venue and are getting married on the beach so that your ten sisters can be bridesmaids. That's cool too. The point here is that it is your day and there are no rules to what you must and must not do.

• How public do you want your wedding? If you want privacy or just don't want photos to get out in the wild without your consent, then ban phones from your wedding. Tell guests to leave them in their cars or turn them off and keep them in their pockets. Let your photographer capture all of the photos. You can also opt for old-fashioned photography where you give guests a disposable camera to take pics and then have them developed later.

• What if I told you that you don't have to get married on Saturday or Sunday? The beauty of having a small guest list is that you probably know them well enough to know if they can take a day off of work to attend a weekday wedding. If this is a possibility for you, it could save you big bucks on venues and catering.

• Use your skills to save money. Can you or someone who loves you enough to help make your own bouquets? Can you decorate the venue yourself? Buy your own décor and go for it. Perhaps your guests are the kind of people who are just as happy with your father holding a big barbecue on his deck with a side table to hold the cake and champagne. Anything you can do yourself will save you money. Don't be afraid to learn a new skill if you need to do so. There are a ton of tutorials online that will help you make your magic.

The bottom line is that there are a million ways to have a wedding. You don't have to adhere to the societal norms that say you must do it a certain way or give in to the demands that you invite everyone who feels they should be there. You can do whatever you want. You can even not have guests at all.

You can march right down to city hall and get married in front of a clerk or judge. I clerked for a probate judge one summer. I've seen people show up in jeans and t-shirts on a whim. I've seen couples in formal wear with a party that included their parents, maid of honor and best man come in and gather around the judge's office. Some judges even have an outdoor gazebo or such where they will marry you. Just make sure you know what paperwork you need to bring with you in order to get married so you aren't delayed.

Afterward, you can meet up with however many friends and family you want for a big blowout you financed with the money you saved on your wedding ceremony. You can just meet them for drinks or a meal if you prefer. I've even known people who have a reception or a celebration at a later date if it suits them.

Or you can head out for a honeymoon you've been dreaming about since the proposal and can now afford with what you've saved on a wedding and reception. For that matter, you can just go home and cuddle up on the sofa as man and wife.

All that matters is that you are happy with what you've chosen to do and can spend your life with the one you love when it's done. You'll remember the day whether it was very low-key or way over the top. Just do it your way.