The Honeyless Honeymoon

It wasn't how I expected my honeymoon to go. I walked through the airport in the yellow flowered sundress I bought for that exact moment, holding the big floppy hat I thought every woman needed when visiting Aruba. I even had the three sets of oversized sunglasses I couldn't decide on in a straw purse thrown over my shoulder.

If you saw me passing by, you'd think I was ready for the beach. Maybe you'd even whisper to your girlfriends "that woman is just days away from a frozen margarita and sun-kissed tan."

But something was missing. You wouldn't know it at first glance because I was smiling and appeared happy. I had spent most of my life's savings on this vacation and was determined to not let anything prevent me from enjoying myself.

Something was definitely missing though. For starters, who goes on a honeymoon without a honey? There was originally supposed to be a honey. In fact, there was supposed to be a whole husband.

I never imagined myself boarding the plane without Charles. I also never imagined I would stumble upon those messages between him and our wedding planner. When I was younger, I rooted for the wedding planner in that Jennifer Lopez movie, but I didn't think I would ever be the wife in that situation.

I'd assumed I was the main character. I was Jennifer Aniston or Reese Witherspoon or Drew Barrymore. I never expected to fill a supporting role in someone else's romantic comedy. The other woman, the mean fiancée, the only hurdle Prince Charming had to jump over to be with his true soulmate; what an embarrassing role to play.

I found out a week ago, which was enough time to tell all of our wedding guests not to come. It was not, however, enough time to get back any of the money we'd already spent so I decided to make the best of it.

The last 24 hours were also not how I'd expected them to go, but it turned out to be fun. My bridesmaids and I spent the morning getting our makeup and hair done, then feeling absolutely glamorous as we sat around in our pajamas drinking champagne and eating what should have been my wedding cake.

We blasted music and twirled around my living room, pretending it was the dance floor and DJ we'd originally planned for the night. The reality of the situation hit me twice, but as soon as the smile started to fade from my heavily painted face, I would be handed another piece of cake.

The night was a great distraction from the shambles my life seemed to be in. Shambles I wasn't quite ready to face just yet, hence why at 10 am I was strolling through the airport towards a plane that would take me far away from all of it.

A single tear rolled down my cheek about halfway through the five-hour flight, but I brushed it away quickly and reminded myself of the promise I made a few days earlier.

Charles had just cleaned out his closet and moved the last of his items out of the condo we shared. I don't know where he went, but I assume he's been staying with her. The door slammed heavily as soon as he stepped over the threshold, so loud I could barely hear the same tired apology Charles was again repeating. And so began one of the worst nights of my life.

After about an hour of crying, 15 minutes of binge eating ice cream, and another hour of tears while cutting every picture of us into a million pieces, I looked directly into my blood shot eyes in the mirror of my bathroom and promised myself that was it. No more tears, no more sad nights, no more thinking about Charles.

Every time his tanned face and big toothy smile would pop into my head, I reminded myself that I made a promise to not think of him anymore. While I knew this suppression of emotions was not healthy and probably wouldn't last forever, it worked for the time being.

This honeymoon, or solo vacation now, was going to be great. I was determined. I planned to watch the sun set off a catamaran, snorkel with dolphins, tan for hours and spend way too much money at my resort's swim up bar.

I kept a vision of dolphins in the front of my mind as a reminder of how great this trip would be for the rest of the flight, a short taxi ride, and as I walked into the most beautiful lobby of any place I've ever stayed in my life.

Ficus trees lined a walkway from the front door to a desk in the middle of the room. Two young women in white polos stood behind computer screens as they softly spoke to the guests in front of them.

The lobby was mostly quiet except for a gentle splash every now and then from the massive water fountain that took up a majority of the left side of the room. Several oversized chairs and sofas sat around it and I imagined myself curled up on one reading a book.

The far-right wall was completely glass, looking out over a very green courtyard with several picnic benches. Five luggage carts sat in a line patiently waiting for guests to finish their check ins so they could be put to use and loaded up with suitcases.

"Reservation for Alma Robinson," I said as I approached the hostess.

She was a pretty girl with light make up and a high ponytail. She smiled politely at me, then turned her focus to the screen. After a few moments she knitted her eyebrows together and looked up at me.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Robinson," she said. "I'm not finding you in my system. Is there a different name it might be under?"

My heart shattered as I remembered how excited I was three months ago when I made the reservation under the name I thought I would have when I checked in.

"Try Alma Dunn." My voice cracked as Charles' last name slipped off my tongue. I could feel my eyes swell as tears threatened to pour out any second.

"Ah, there you are! Charles and Alma Dunn," the pretty girl smiled and pulled some paperwork out from under the desk. "Let's get you two checked in."

I forced a smile as I filled it out and signed my maiden name along the bottom. The process seemed to take forever and by the time she handed me a key, I was barely holding back the waterworks.

A middle-aged, clean shaved man with soft brown hair brushed back behind his ears dragged a cart to my side. He shone a bright, slightly crooked smile at me and lifted my duffle bag off the floor. Is it a prerequisite to get a job here that you must be incredibly attractive?

"Is there more in the car?" he asked in an accent I couldn't quite place. Was it Italian? Spanish?

"No, that's all I have." I said debating on if I should place my purse on the cart also so it didn't look that empty but decided against it.

"Are we waiting for anyone else?"

"It's just me," I choked out and tried to refocus my mind on swimming with dolphins.

The man must've picked up on my emotions and reached out to gently touch my arm before he continued.

"Okay, that's fine," he responded, his smile never fading. "Follow me."

As I followed him to the elevator and then my room, I learned his name was Guisseppe and he was from Florence, Italy. He moved to Aruba about five years ago with his brother and had worked as a bell boy for most of that time.

"Is there anything else I can help you with before I go, Mrs. Dunn?" He asked from my doorway.

His presence was really calming and I enjoyed talking to him, but I also knew I was about a tenth of a second away from falling apart. I told him he could leave and as I closed the door behind him, I slid down to the carpet and immediately started crying. My dress wrinkled underneath me, but I didn't care.

Why did I think this was a good idea? How did I think I could get through this trip without Charles being on my mind the whole time? I tried to push the thought out of my head, but I couldn't stop wondering what he was doing at the moment.

It took me about a half hour to pull myself together and make it into the suite. I moved my duffle bag to the bedroom and started to unpack. Since I was going to be here for a whole week, I might as well get comfortable.

I carried a small bag of toiletries to the bathroom and gasped when I saw my reflection in the mirror. Smudged mascara and eyeliner circled both eyes. My face was puffy and red, and this was not how I planned to spend the first night of my amazing vacation.

As I was rubbing a dry tissue across my face, I heard a knock on the door.

"Mrs. Dunn," Guisseppe greeted me with his big smile.

"Guisseppe, hi. Can I help you?" I ran my hands down the front of my dress in a quick attempt to flatten it out.

"I was going to ask you the same thing."

"Oh, I'm okay," I sniffled. "I don't need anything. Thank you for stopping by."

I started to close the door, but he reached an arm out and held it open instead.

"Nothing? Not even a friend?" His face looked genuinely concerned and I was unsure how he knew something was wrong.

There was a quiet, but comfortable moment while I tried to figure out how to respond.

"I heard you when I was leaving before and it sounded like you could use a friend," he said finally breaking the silence.

"Wow, I'm sorry you heard that." I felt ashamed and embarrassed both by him hearing my break down and also because I knew my makeup was still smeared down my cheeks.

"No need to apologize," Guisseppe smiled. "My shift is over now, and I just wanted you know that I'm a friendly person and great listener if you needed one."

A friendly person and a great listener was actually exactly what I needed in that moment. Ignoring how I felt and pretending everything was fine didn't seem to be working, but for some reason talking it out with a stranger sounded like a good option.

I told Guisseppe I just needed a few moments to get changed and then I would meet him downstairs in the lobby. It took me about ten minutes to change into a pair of black shorts and a tank top I had originally packed to wear over a bathing suit on the boat. I figured there might be a chance of more tears, so I washed all my makeup off to prevent more from dripping down my face.

"You look great," Guisseppe greeted me as I walked up to the sofa he was sitting on. He handed me a coffee cup and motioned for me to sit with him.

The evening seemed to blow by at record speed. It began with me sharing why I was alone on this trip and a little bit about my past life with Charles, but the subject quickly changed.

We had surface level conversations for a bit like what our favorite movies were and the best vacations we'd ever been on. Then we started to get to know each other on a deeper level.

I discovered Guisseppe was a widower and he moved to Aruba after his wife passed away. His brother was going through a divorce at the time, which is why they made the move together. Before leaving Italy, he worked as a hotel manager but decided to take a less demanding position once on the island.

We were total strangers with very different lives, but I felt more comfortable with him than many of the friends I had at home. There was something so warm and inviting about Guisseppe that made me want to be around him more. The time we spent together in the hotel lobby was the first since I found out about Charles' affair that I wasn't trying to fill every second with distractions, and it was actually quite nice.

After a few hours, he walked me to my room for the second time that night and asked me if I would be interested in meeting him for breakfast the next morning before the tour I had scheduled started.

"Yes, absolutely!" I answered too quickly then immediately felt my cheeks heat up from the embarrassment of being over eager.

"Great, I will see you in the morning." He once again flashed his smile at me, seemingly unfazed by my fast response. "I had a nice time tonight. Buona notte."

"I did, too. Good night," I whispered as I closed the door.

I couldn't stop smiling as I made my way to the bathroom and began to undress for bed. The day had been a whirlwind of emotions but ended on a very high note and I hadn't thought about Charles in hours.

Guiseppe was very kind to have come by my room this evening and offer his friendship. I'm not sure I would have done the same if I heard a stranger crying, but I was very thankful he did. What're the chances I would have had a night like that without anyone else if he hadn't?

The smile still hadn't faded from my face when I sunk into the giant king bed and laid my head down on my pillow. Despite the promise I had made myself to not be sad, I was fully expecting to cry myself to sleep tonight but thankfully that wasn't the case.

I wasn't sure what the morning or rest of the week would bring, but I couldn't wait to find out. As long as I had my new friend, I had a feeling I was going to be okay.