Please don’t be in love with someone else

I want you to ask yourself, “How are you feeling before – before this other person entered your line of sight, how were you feeling in your marriage? Believe it or not, studies show that the average person who engages in an affair does so not because they’re sexually attracted to someone new, but because they feel unappreciated, unloved, unseen by their spouse.

They feel neglected, they feel ignored, they feel overlooked, and now someone is giving them attention, someone is giving them value, someone is giving them purpose. And that is what we tend to love. We love the way we feel with this new person. We love the electricity, we love the attention, and we love the connection. And a lot of those things maybe something you haven’t been receiving from your spouse.

So, before you say, “I love this person,” I want to challenge you and ask, “Is it this person or this feeling that you love? “It’s by determining the reason that you felt able to open your heart to someone new that you can start to make a really big decision.

3 Harsh Facts Long-Distance Relationships

The decision is: Do you want to save your marriage or not? Do you want to pursue this new person or not? Do you want to come clean to your spouse or do you want them to find out? How do you want this to unfold? Answering these loaded questions and determining the decision that you want to make to move forward is gonna be so much easier if you really understand how, it is that you got here. Don’t blame yourself for getting here but blame yourself if you don’t try to get out.

And “out “doesn’t always mean staying in your marriage. But “out” means getting out of this limbo of loving someone else but being married If you feel like it’s this specific person that you’re after and not just the electricity and not just how you feel, I then want you to ask yourself, “But how was it that you felt about your spouse when you first met them – when they were new, when they were mysterious when there was so much left to discover about them? “Did you feel similar to how you’re feeling now?

The difference between your spouse and this new person is that you don’t knows this new person as well. They might be new, they might be fresh, and they might be spontaneous. But like anyone you spend a whole lot of time with, one day they stopped being the new person and soon they just become a person – a regular person with flaws and vices and challenges and obstacles.

Are you prepared to throw away your marriage, someone that once upon a time you knew was “IT” for you for the hypothetical situation that this new person will never change into an old person or a regular person or a person who is grouchy in the morning and a person who will be late for work and a person who might drive you nuts.

Make sure you aren’t leaving your spouse because you imagine this new person will stay new forever and that just because they’re brand new they’re your soul mate. Really think this through before you decide to end your marriage. I know. Loaded questions I know that this is hard. It’s certainly not easy but remembers, with marriages with relationships, there are seasons to love and not all of them are spring. Sometimes things get dull. Sometimes we’re too busy. Sometimes relationships get monotonous but that doesn’t mean you throw in the towel because something spicier has caught your attention.

Remember, this new person is another type of season, and eventually you will see a winter there, too. You will see bad days, you will see monotonous routines, it has nothing to do with the other person, it has to do with you and the type of person you want to be and the type of person you want to remember yourself as3, 5, 10, 15 years from now. Love isn’t easy. Love is a choice. And you can choose to stay committed to your partner.