Comfortable couple relationship, all have 3 qualities, your marriage has?

What does a truly comfortable couple relationship look like?

I have thought about this question countless times, exactly what kind of couple relationship can be considered as the couple relationship we are seeking, and I knew the answer when I saw the way the neighbor couple got along.

The neighbor couple has been married for almost seven or eight years, the child is five years old, just started kindergarten, the wife to teach children, the man is the breadwinner, the days are very warm, never heard their family wear out the sound of quarrels.

I was fortunate enough to have a meal in their home, when the meal, the wife in the kitchen to get dishes, the husband on the dishes, the little doll also clumsy to help, when finished eating, the wife cleaned up the dishes, the husband naturally picked up the cleaned up dishes to the kitchen to wash, the whole process is a happy and harmonious, there is not the slightest dissatisfaction on the face.

A casual conversation, I asked the wife, their marriage has gone through seven or eight years, is there no seven-year itch?

The wife told me that their marriage from the beginning, has been clear what the division of labor, one main outside, one main inside, but not completely divided, but you have me, I have you, I understand you, you also understand me, so that the marriage in such a beautiful atmosphere, to become better, more resilient.

This is how I understand that a truly comfortable couple relationship is actually like this.

There is understanding and tolerance in life

There was a time when it was particularly popular for men to experience labor pains, and then to understand the hardships of a woman's pregnancy and delivery, the twelve levels of pain, many men to the third and fourth level can not stand, the pain is sweating.

Once, the interviewer saw a young couple, she asked the wife if she was willing to let her husband experience the pain of childbirth, the woman did not hesitate to say no.

When asked why, she said that her husband had never let her experience the hardships of being the head of a family either.

In fact, the reason why we always emphasize that we must have the ability to empathize when dealing with our feelings is this.

It's because we don't just take care of ourselves when we're dealing with a relationship, we only think about making the other person understand themselves, but forget that marriage is supposed to be mutual, and the ability to empathize can make the other person feel understood, supported, and not isolated.

In addition, the ability to empathize allows us to put ourselves in each other's shoes, can lower each other's guard, and then enter each other's world to sublimate our feelings.

For couples, what really matters is not like-mindedness, but mutual understanding.

There is communication in language as well as communication

Harvard University once did a 75-year study that focused on what the biggest factor in our lives is that can keep us abundant in life.

Through the study, they eventually found that the factor that maximizes our lifelong happiness is relationships, especially intimate relationships, and that a good relationship allows us to connect better with others.

The foundation of this good connection is actually the ability to have a good communication with each other.

In fact, when we deal with marriage, there will be differences due to differences and arguments when there is a disagreement, which in itself is nothing.

Because from the original intention, quarrel is also a way to communicate in disguise, can be through the quarrel thing to find each other exist what the problem is, and then find a way to solve the problem.

However, some people quarrel will not affect each other's feelings, some people quarrel but let the marriage become full of holes, even to the point of divorce, the reason is that they focus on winning and losing, not the problem itself, or they quarrel in the time to do everything to hurt each other, but not communicate, not to communicate.

A good marriage relationship, a comfortable couple relationship, is not based on a good communication mechanism, only the exchange of mutual experience, so that each other do not feel depressed and uncomfortable.

Mental dependence and independence

For couples to get along with the law, psychologist Adler in "inferiority and beyond" wrote this: "Marriage is actually a work in progress, it has its own rules and rules, we can not choose only one part of it, avoiding the other parts, without compromising the eternal law of the earth - cooperation. "

In other words, the most important thing about marriage is that couples can cooperate with each other.

Intimacy is nothing, but if it is all sticky, it will make each other in the process of constantly drawing closer to each other, increasing the possibility of inspiring conflicts.

A relationship temperature is too high, it will burn each other, and then again, the couple should be relaxed, in maintaining intimacy at the same time, but also to maintain some tension, so that the relationship can be a moderate comfortable principle to go smoothly.

The biggest meaning of the bond between the couple is to improve the grade of life together, and interdependence but independent of each other, is the best way for couples to get along.