Can exes date again

1. Take it slooow.

I know, I know. The texts! The dinners! The sex! It's all very exciting that you and your ex are hanging again. But before you go posting couples shots all over Insta and jumping right back into double dates with their parents, take a sec to chill.

There’s no proven formula for what speed you should move at (obviously...who could study that?), but Klow says it can be incredibly helpful to slow down and take a beat before you slap a label on things again. Why? Because you need time to...

2. Figure out what really you want.

Orbuch says this is your chance to lay all of your cards out on the table, so don’t be afraid to get real (like, really real) about what you need to be happy in a relationship. She recommends asking yourself what your expectations are in a relationship, as well as what qualities you need from a partner.

Was there something major missing before that your partner could actually fulfill this time around? That's an important Q to be able to answer before reconciling. For example, did you feel like they took you for granted last time? Didn't know how to speak your love language? That's all fixable on take two.

But if you felt like they didn't quite match up in terms of goals and values, that's a different story. (Perhaps you're super ambitious and they're A-okay working at their dad's company with no plans of moving up or taking it over someday—that's likely not going to change tomorrow.)

You’ll also want to have your deal breakers in mind. “Then share these expectations with your former partner and have your former partner do the same and share the list with you,” Orbuch says. “This is important for all couples to do together, but even more important when you reconnect with a former partner. Be open and honest.”

3. View it as a new chapter in an old relationship.

“Yes, you've already dated and know one another, but time changes people,” Orbuch says. “So get to know your former partner again, ask questions, see what they think and feel.”

That said, "it's impossible to have a truly fresh start with someone you've already dated," notes WH advisor "Dr. Chloe" Carmichael, PhD, a clinical psychologist and author of Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating. "It's really important to recognize that this is a rekindling of an old relationship, not the start of a new one."

When getting back together with an ex, you need to do everything you can to separate fact from fiction and the past from the present. Ask yourself if some of the beliefs you have about this person are based on the behavior and statements they're making to you now, versus who they were when you initially started dating and things were good.

"Women are especially vulnerable to sticking with their first impressions of people," explains Dr. Chloe. So check yourself: Is it your mind telling you that this person is your rock-solid? Is that thought based on what has actually happened in the relationship or are you letting what you want things to be like overshadow how things actually were?

If you're having trouble sussing this out, Dr. Chloe suggests try making a timeline of your past relationship, highlighting significant events—both good and bad. This exercise helps you see what your 'ship was actually like versus your brain's fantasy of it, and can help you pinpoint times when your ex didn't live up to the image you've made yourself believe.

4. Talk about what you did when you were apart...

Now’s the time to speak up if you were with someone while you two were broken up. You don’t have to go into details. A simple, “I dated someone for a few months” is good enough—unless that someone was his best friend/coworker or anyone else that might trigger hurt or jealousy.

It’s important to at least mention it so that there are no surprises down the road, Klow says. If your guy is upset about it (even though, hello, you weren’t together anymore), then talk about it and address any concerns or fears—and then move on.

5. …And why you want to get back together.

Are you frustrated because your last date was a lousy kisser or turned out to be a d-bag, or do you really think there’s something positive and healthy worth pursuing with your ex? If it’s the former, Klow says that’s not a great reason to run back to your ex. But if it’s the latter, go for it.

Remember, settling is still settling, even if it's with someone you've loved before.

Learn how Darlene got back with her boyfriend in just two days