Why We Compare Ourselves to Others !

Do you ever get on social media and scroll through thinking:

Wow, look at all my friends and family — they have perfect lives — I must be a loser if you do, you are not alone. If so, you're not alone. Such a human behaviour to compare with. Something that is very powerful and that all of us indulge in but is largely underestimated; but can, indirectly influence a significant part of your mental health and well-being.

We investigate the psychology behind it, why it's bad and most importantly​, how we can start to break free of our comparisons and accept ourselves, after reading this article you can learn.

The Psychology of Comparison

Underpinning this urge to measure our success against others is a fundamental human hunger for connection and to be validated by others. Our tendency to pick up on social cues and signals, that give us a sense of place within a group or community (as we are hard-wired to do), is to be left unquenched as a result of isolation from encounters such as eye contact and subtle gestures. This desire to belong to the ranks of society can cause us to constantly measure ourselves against the people surrounding us and adjust our self-value accordingly.

In addition, we are naturally more responsive to social information since our brains are programmed to be on the look-out for signs of other people being successful, accomplishing things, having desirable resources, etc. We tend to see what our fellows are doing as the best, so, in turn, we view the best of them as achievements and can overlook our own beautiful growth and strengths.

Comparison and Your Mental Health

This relentless comparison can have disastrous implications for our mental health. Comparison often leaves us feeling less than, unsupported, alone in our journey. This often results in a ton of yo-yo feelings including:

• Feeling Unworthy. Low-Rely-esteem
• Resentful, envious, jealous feelings
• Generalized anxiety and depression, overall discontent

It can decrease your motivation and it might bring you a reduced sense of personal fulfilment.

As they build up and accumulate over time, these negative emotions slowly eat away at our mental and emotional health— leading to ugly circles of doubt, criticism, and a weaker sense of self-assurance.

Why We Compare Ourselves With Others?

What causes us to compare ourselves to others?

Social Conditioning: We have been conditioned since childhood on what it will take to become successful, attractive, or lovable.

Cognitive Biases: The brain can experience significant cognitive biases – one being the “comparison effect” – where we concentrate on where we fall short rather than the many areas of our strengths and output.

Insecurity and Self-Doubt: Whenever we experience the feeling of insecurity or if we doubt our abilities and worth, subconsciously, we naturally tend to get validation or reassurance externally that we are worthy or deserving, and hence the comparison starts with others.

Think about Social Media: Social media is so curated and often glamorized that it becomes pretty easy to compare our "betwixt and between" lives to the "highlights reels" of others.

A Reduction in Motivation and Productivity: The constant measuring up can foster a feeling that we will never be good enough and that it is not worth it for us to even start on our own goals and dreams.

Physical and Emotional Problems: The stress and ill feelings that come with comparing yourself to others can cause a whole host of physical and emotional issues including anxiety, depression, and even sickness.

Endless Dissatisfaction: If we always compare ourselves to others, we will most likely never feel genuinely happy or at ease in our own skins, because we will always pursue an unobtainable and ever-changing ideal of perfection.

How To Stop Comparing Yourself With Others

The first part, seeing we are comparing, is easy, but the difficult part is to figure out how to stop. Here are a few strategies that can help you in this arena.

Self-Awareness: Think about your own thoughts, feelings and actions. Notice and ask yourself to better understand the motivators for comparing.

Change The Way You Think: Recognize that the lives we see of other people are often a highlight reel, and commonly is not the full scope of their reality. It is hot air we produce by comparing with others, so you better focus on you and your own journey and path that only you can make and have accomplished.

Develop Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the kindness and understanding that you would offer to a close friend. Recognize your greatness, the things that you have done, and how you have grown and appreciate that you are an individual.

Consume Less Social Media: If social media drives you into the whack comparison side of yourself, take a break from it (or set limits). Create your feed in a way that it motivates you and does not beat you down with content that makes you feel like a failure.

They accept themselves, can love others, and look for love in their circles, communities, and relationships that support self-acceptance and positivity about self, expressions of this, and always value uniqueness! Stay away from people who help cultivate a culture of comparison.

Something that you currently have that you once wished for (in some cases many times before your wish came true). Gratitude journal, gratitude to others, and think the abundance and gratitude way.

Develop Self-Acceptance: Accept yourself as you are and do not compare your value with that of others. Honour Your Gifts, Your Journeys, Your Points of View … And Live Proudly And Unapologetically YOUR Truth.

If you are ready to stop the comparison game and begin to embrace who YOU are, I implore you to re-read the steps I have outlined in this post, and start implementing them. Your intrinsic value is not based on how you compare to others but on the unique gift of your contribution to the Universe. So make that initial step toward self-acceptance and contentment today.

Increasing Your Confidence and Self-Esteem

Developing a deep sense of self-belief and self-worth is a powerful antidote to comparison. We are less easily influenced by the supposed success of others when we know that we have value in ourselves and our achievements.

It might not be possible to have the perfect body as you see it on a magazine, but you can become more confident in yourself and your abilities.

Recognize and Acknowledge Your Capabilities: Allow yourself to sit back, think, and truly appreciate your abilities Know your strengths, and be proud of your accomplishments

Change Negative Self-Talk: means becoming aware of when you are engaging in self-criticism or negative self-talk and replacing those thoughts with something positive and helpful.

Small Wins: Grow as a person by setting small attachable goals that you can celebrate and grow from.

Take Care of Yourself: Do things that feed your soul like working out, meditating, or working on hobbies you love.

Always look for more positive feedback: Make sure you spend time with people who enjoy and cherish you as you are. Ask for feedback and validation from people who want you healthy.

Accepting oneself and being grateful

Creating self-worth, gratitude & self acceptance, and self-motivation to escape the comparison trap.

We literally change our minds from lack and scarcity to abundance and appreciation by consciously coming from a place of being grateful for what we have in our life. It can provide us with identification for what makes us special and sometimes even the whole life of us, instead of the hopeless comparison to others.

So, the following will help you to learn how to be grateful and to accept yourself.

Maintain a Gratitude Journal: Reflect on and pen down what you are grateful for as your daily practice. No action is too small to be trivial or overused.

Rethink Negatively: Next time you find yourself going down a rabbit hole of negative self-talk or self-criticism, make a conscious effort to rethink those things more positively and compassionately.

Appreciate Your Flaws — Finally, you need to learn how to accept your quirks, flaws and idiosyncrasies, because that makes you. You! Know that these are things that set you apart in the world.

Put Yourself in Good Environments: Look for relationships, communities, and media that inspire diversity, authenticity, and self-acceptance. Stay away from the ones that perpetuate unrealistic standards or invite that “keep up with the Joneses” mentality.

Be kind to yourself: Be understanding and tender towards yourself as you would of a dear friend Know that you and everyone else, are deserving of love and acceptance in your natural state.

Now social media serves as a comparison breeding ground, allowing us to be bombarded with some of the best-crafted and painted pictures of everybody else's lives. Because we are constantly bombarded with the highlight reels of those around us (friends, family, and peers) we develop a false sense of reality that often leads to feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction with our existence.

To counter the harmful effects of comparison caused by social media, it helps to be aware of our usage of these platforms and its toll on our mental sanity. Here are a few tactics you may want to focus on.

The article reads, "Limit your time on social media: set limits for social media use and don't use this route as a way to waste time."

Look at Your Feed: Delete your account or mute accounts, if you repeatedly feel your feed leaves making you people inadequate or the need to compare yourselves to others. Find things that excite and lift your spirits instead.

Consume in moderation: When you do in fact turn to social media, try more to engage with the people there as opposed to consuming more than you need.

Ground Yourself in Realities: Understand that perception on social media is a portrayal of a life that is often fragmented, and not always a reflection of the person being themselves completely.

Emphasize Physical Connections: Balance your virtual relationships with relationships and activities in the physical world that feed your uniqueness and self-esteem.

In Conclusion: Your Uniqueness and Contentment

Ultimately, the way out of that comparison trap is being at ease and content with who you are, and you being you. Who cares that you do not make it up to others, what matters is the worth of your journey ~ a beautiful one of life!

Through the practice of becoming more self-aware, more self-compassionate, and more appreciative of your profound gifts and experiences, you can transcend beyond the chains that comparison has wrapped around you and begin living in a space of peace, empowerment, and joy.

So try not to feel too bad if you find yourself battling that picture of perfection we all compare ourselves to. You're all in it together, spinning those plates and sometimes laughing and sometimes crying. However, by following the steps to discover who you are, and your individuality, you can dismantle the cycle of comparison and live life as you.