Why Do People Get Mad When Disabled People Are Happy?

When the Wicked movie came out, people noticed something about Nessarose: the actress, a wheelchair user, was wearing a pair of nice pretty heels.

And almost immediately the comments rolled in: "Why would a wheelchair user wear high heels?"

Why not? She's not walking in them. Her feet won't hurt. And most importantly, she has every right to dress up, feel beautiful, and wear whatever the hell she wants!

This seemingly small incident reveals a larger societal discomfort, prompting the question: If something as simple as wearing heels can provoke such reactions, what deeper issues are at play when disabled people express joy in other ways?

The Myth of Perpetual Suffering

For a long time, many people have seen disability as just one thing: a reason to be sad. TV shows, news stories, and even charity ads often show disabled people as either suffering or bravely "overcoming" huge problems. This makes people think that being disabled always means being unhappy. But this isn't true.

Because of these stories, people develop an expectation that disabled individuals are inherently unhappy. So, when a disabled person shows joy – in their friendships, work, hobbies, or even in expressing personal style – it can confuse people because it doesn't align with the limited and often tragic picture they have in their minds.

This confusion can lead to negative reactions. Some might not believe the joy is real ("They're just pretending"). Others might dismiss it ("They're just trying to be strong"). And some might even feel annoyed ("Why are they so happy when they're supposed to be…").

It's like disabled people are breaking a rule by being happy, a rule that says disability and joy don't go together.

The Fear of Shifting Power Dynamics

Besides the discomfort with disabled happiness, some negative reactions come from a fear of changing who has power. Society often puts disabled people in a less powerful position. When a disabled person is openly joyful, it shows their strength and independence. It's a quiet way of saying, "I'm happy and in control of my life."

This can make some people uneasy, especially if they're used to thinking of disabled people as weaker and in need of assistance. This perception, often unintentionally, reinforces a societal structure where non-disabled people are seen as the default and in control.

But joyful, confident disabled people challenge this established view of who holds power and disrupts this comfortable (for some) status quo.

The Unmasking of Ableism

Often, getting mad at disabled joy just shows ableism – the belief that non-disabled people are superior.

These reactions reveal negative ideas about what disabled people should be and how they should act. When someone gets upset at a disabled person's happiness, it often comes down to thinking disabled people don't deserve or aren't capable of joy.

This questioning of disabled joy suggests a similar, harmful belief: that their marginalized status somehow lessens their right to happiness. This discomfort reveals a societal habit of seeing disability as the most important thing about a person, overshadowing their basic human right to feel joy and experience the full range of emotions.

Joy As Resistance

In a world that often shows disability as only struggle, openly expressing joy is a powerful act of resistance. It directly fights the stereotype that disability equals suffering. Every moment of laughter and happiness from a disabled person challenges the sad picture society often paints.

This joy isn't ignoring the difficulties of disability. Instead, it's about taking the right to feel all emotions, including happiness. It's refusing to let disability control every feeling or mean a life without joy.

Also, disabled joy can be a strong act of self-love in a world that often devalues disabled people. To embrace joy is to say "I matter," no matter what society thinks. It's a personal fight against negative ideas about being disabled and a powerful way of accepting oneself that can inspire others.

Beyond The Assumptions: The Joy They Share

Ultimately, understanding why some people react negatively to disabled joy requires a fundamental shift in perspective: one that centers the voices and lived experiences of disabled individuals themselves.

For too long, narratives surrounding disability have been dominated by non-disabled interpretations, often filtered through lenses of pity, inspiration, or perceived limitation. To truly grasp the significance and validity of disabled joy, we must actively listen to and amplify the voices of those who experience it.

Disabled people are the experts on their own lives, and their expressions of joy are as diverse and authentic as their experiences. To question, dismiss, or resent this joy is to invalidate their autonomy and reinforce harmful stereotypes. Instead, we must create space for disabled individuals to define their own happiness and share their stories of joy without judgment or scrutiny.

Instead, let us actively seek out and value disabled perspectives, challenge our own assumptions about disability and happiness, and celebrate the full, vibrant humanity of disabled people, which inherently includes the right to and experience of joy.

For those seeking to better understand disability and become effective allies in challenging negative perspectives, I highly recommend "Demystifying Disability: What to Know, What to Say, and How to Be an Ally" by Emily Ladau. This insightful book offers valuable tools for moving beyond assumptions and embracing the full humanity, and inherent joy, of disabled people.

Let their joy be heard, understood, and respected.