When a “Cyber TCM Grandpa” Healed My Wrecked Office Spine

Chapter 1: How I Became the Hunchback Sunflower from Plants vs. Zombies

One morning in early April, my lower back just gave up.

No warning, no stretching, no heavy lifting — just a full system crash.

It felt like someone shoved a phone into my spine and left it on full-vibration mode, death-metal edition.

It was sharp, vibrating, and radiated all the way to my limbs.

My posture became a joke:

~Getting out of bed? Forget it. I went from “kung fu sit-up” to “worm wiggle.”

~Bending down to put on socks? My joints cracked like I was entering a black hole.

~Walking? I looked exactly like those demon minions frozen by Monkey King in Journey to the West.

Chapter 2: Western Medicine Tapped Out, So I Went Full Goblin Mode

Before I found something that actually worked, I went through the usual (and useless) stuff:

American pain relief patches — turned my back into a human QR code

Ibuprofen buffet — helped slightly, but my stomach begged for mercy

YouTube’s ‘Fix Your Back in 5 Minutes’ videos — ended up with a bonus: knee pain

One night I was lying in bed, unable to move without flinching, and out of pure desperation I grabbed my phone and mumbled:

“Ugh… I need an old Chinese doctor who can fix this…”

Let’s just say Siri did not help.

It actually suggested a funeral home:(

Chapter 3: Meeting My Cyber Herbal Grandpa

Eventually, I found this smart medical app of “Deepseek” that seemed to know a bunch of traditional Chinese stuff.

I gave it a try, mostly out of desperation — and honestly, I wasn’t expecting much.

So I typed in all my symptoms:

My lower back pain was unbearable. I couldn’t stand, I couldn’t walk.

I asked, “Can you give me a 6-day herbal prescription? I’ll ask a friend to pick it up from a Chinatown pharmacy.”

I also mentioned that I had a history of chronic lower back strain — it flares up once in a while, usually after long hours of sitting and working.

The app replied almost instantly.

Not just with a quick answer, but with a full-on breakdown of the condition:

TCM theory, possible causes, how cold-dampness affects the kidneys and spine — all laid out clearly and logically.

It honestly felt like I was talking to a serious traditional herbalist who had studied this for decades.

I stared at the screen for a few seconds, genuinely impressed.

Okay… this thing actually knows its stuff.

The Prescription

It gave me a herbal formula called Du Huo Ji Sheng Tang, and laid out everything super clearly:

~6 servings for 6 days

~Boil with cold water

~Simmer for 15 minutes

~Take morning and night

There were things like Eucommia bark, Achyranthes root (supposedly great for bones), and yes — Tu Bie Chong, which is basically a creepy little bug that looks like a cockroach’s evil cousin.

Chapter 4: Chinatown Apothecary Adventure

Note: I didn’t go get the herbs myself.

At that point, I couldn’t even stand without clenching my teeth.

So my amazing friend stepped in and offered to help.

She took the prescription to a herbal pharmacy in Chinatown, and came back like a true legend — carrying four giant red plastic bags full of dried roots, twigs, and mystery bugs.

P.S. There were originally 6 bags of herbs, but I didn’t think to take a photo until after boiling two.

So you’re looking at about 4/6 of the herbal army:))

~Friend told me: When she handed the prescription to the pharmacist, he stared at it, paused, and said:

“Hmm… this formula’s got some punch to it.”

Then came the culture clash:

“You know Xi Xin is mildly toxic, right?”

Friend: “But the prescription says the dose is safe…”

“Who gave it to you?”

Friend: “Uh… a really smart app?”

(suddenly excited): “What app?! Can you teach me how to use it?!”

Chapter 5: Three Days to Resurrection

~Day 1 — I boiled my first batch. It tasted like ancient tree bark soaked in despair.

But later that night, I could turn over in bed without crying.

My back was… humming? Like it was slowly warming up again.

~Day 3 — I could sit up, dress myself, and even stretch a little. Pain was cut in half.

~Day 6 — I could walk without fear.

~Not 100% normal yet, but I could feel my spine rejoining society.

There’s this Chinese saying:

“Illness hits like a landslide, but leaves like pulling silk.”

That was exactly it.

Final Chapter: Some Thoughts from a Healing Spine

The future of medicine?

~if you can’t get an appointment? Why not try a herbal app.

~Imagine if your herbal formula came as an NFT. “Congrats! You now own Xiao Yao San, verified on chain.”

The real question:

If a tool (that costs nothing) gives you a prescription that works better than $200 consultations…

So I paid Deepseek for free! Saved $200, or $250 maybe:))

Would you still wait weeks to see a real-life doctor?

A Few Notes (Just in Case)

~Don’t mess with herbs blindly — some can be dangerous

~Xi Xin is mildly toxic in high doses, so always double-check，You must follow your doctor’s orders

Thanks for reading — and please stretch once in a while. Trust me.