Virgo, the Princess Warrior of Recycling and Worm Safety

Have you ever been in a relationship, long term or otherwise, with a Virgo? If so, you already know what I am going to be writing about. The benefits (or, for some of you, fallout) do not create memories that are easily filed away or forgotten. Intense is a word that comes to mind, as recalling your experiences with her either reduces you to the dribble of a few tears or to great shouts of laughter.

You can’t believe how critical she was about every. single. thing. Or you can’t believe how hilarious she was about how you couldn’t put the toaster away the right way: Must tip toaster over in sink – not the garbage can, please – and shake with moderate energy before storing it away in its designated place in the cupboard. No appliances are to remain on the countertop for any significant amount of time. This is a just an example of a possible entry that could have been (read: was) taken right out of some Aries’ diary.

So, if you haven’t been close to a Virgo, I don’t know whether I should be congratulating you or trying to convince you as to what greatness you are missing out on. Imagine yourself in a quasi-nightmare (this is subjective – a nightmare might be better replaced with a fitful sleep) where everything you see or touch has a very special place. Everything. And not just a very special place but the right place. And it’s sometimes not quite enough that you got it in the right place . . . as you didn’t get it there at the right time. This is just scratching the veneer of what it means to live with a Virgo. Sorry, not sorry.

Being a typical analytical and practical Virgo, I’ll make this easy for you:

One word to describe a Virgo: Disappointed

Favorite frequently-used expression: “Say my name. Call me Heisenberg.”

Favorite motivational catchphrase: “Just get ‘er done.” (or sometimes the more pointed version: “Get out of my way so it can get done right.”)

Favorite song: “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”

Favorite maxim: “Cleanliness isn’t just a virtue: it’s a form of sanity.”

Favorite food: anything that is organic, vegetarian, sourced locally, and responsibly packaged

Favorite color: any color that can be found in nature

Favorite animal: impossible for her to decide, so she won’t choose . . . still, she leans toward Virgo’s Best Friend: the loyal and devoted dog

Favorite make of car: a clean and practical truck, the year doesn't matter

Favorite career: writing in seclusion

Favorite pastime: anything that can be associated with an introvert

Least favorite pastime: worrying . . . oh, and add “asking for help”

Favorite blogs and podcasts: minimalistic living, intentional living, life hacks

Biggest pet peeves: dogs being left in cars on a hot day, anyone touching her musical instruments without asking permission first (and, yes, the answer will be no), sloppy and thoughtless recycling, and too many other things to list

Are Virgos misunderstood? I think so. Take a strong personality who has a strong passion for animals, health, nature, organization, justice, and a sprinkle of perfectionism . . .then toss her into a room filled with people and . . . well, don’t be surprised if she starts to twitch.

A Virgo intellectually knows that nobody is perfect – a fact that a Virgo is keenly aware of regarding others and herself. Yes, this is true. A Virgo is as critical of herself as she is of others. This quality has the potential to make her more likable or more endearing . . . but, if you ask a self-pitying Libra, you might get a different take on describing this quirk as endearing. The unsuspecting and entitled Libra may find himself seeking therapy after living with a Virgo. A Virgo, in her writing of the final chapter, takes no prisoners.

After all, a person of another zodiac sign could have been told for months how he still did not have a clue when it came to handling the recycling. [Another bullet point not mentioned above: Virgo’s raison d'être: recycling and saving the planet.] If there could be a national anthem written about recycling, a Virgo would sing it every Thursday night as she drags the bins and flattened cardboard to the curb.

I mean, how difficult is it to remember that all recyclable items must be washed, de-labeled, sorted, and accorded their appropriate resting place in the correct color-coded bins. And, no, Uncaring Pisces, newsprint is not mixed paper. Newsprint goes in the red bin. Mixed paper in the white. This isn’t rocket science.

And those empty jars of peanut butter and almond butter? How hard is it to get every last bit of nut butter out of them? Think of the animals, please. I know it’s hard to remove every last trace, but don’t be so selfish. Yogurt containers and Costco-size pretzel containers are hazards for both wildlife and neighborhood pets, as well. Plastic mesh bags that once held onions and potatoes, 6-pack rings, plastic bags . . . all can be detrimental to animals. Cut them up and remove the potential trap. Be like Woodsy the Owl: Give a hoot and don't pollute.

A different zodiac sign might look at a Virgo as if she has sprouted horns, so vehement is she about getting the Art of Recycling right. And if you do make a mistake? A Virgo will act with righteous anger every time. The sting of your thoughtlessness regarding the animal kingdom does not get ignored, no matter how many times you try to sneak an unwashed tuna can into the bin.

Whew! Can we move away from the topic of recycling now? (It's only Tuesday night.) . . . and move toward the really really great parts about having a Virgo in your life? Take a Virgo who, by nature, pays such great attention to the minutest of details and then pair this with her deep and abiding sense of humanity . . . and you’ve got a very devoted advocate and friend.

Advice to the world at large: You never want to mess with the partner, child, friend, sibling, or pet of a Virgo. Really, I mean it: never. You will feel the sting of her wrath and her intent to set the world right from any wrongs that you have inflicted upon her inner circle.

And if you are in her inner circle? She will stand by you and encourage you and listen to you and laugh with you when you most need it. And even though she does not like taking any spotlight in any scenario, she will be the first to stand up in a crowd and shout in a strident tone, “This is just plain wrong!” She just can’t help herself from speaking up to protect what doesn’t have a voice or who is being wronged.

Later she will cringe and beat herself up as she ruthlessly dissects and overthinks her own righteous spontaneity: Did I really just say that? My God, I was utterly emotionally hijacked back there. I hope that I didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings . . . but DAMN IT. No one should be allowed to cut down a sacred cedar just because she wants “more light” in her house. No one. Move to North Dakota, you asshat tree killer! Although difficult and taxing in retrospect, speak, she must.

Ultimately, after hours (or, sadly, sometimes days) of ruminating on her outburst, she will eventually side with herself on speaking out with no apologies of any kind proffered. But this sort of thing takes its toll on a Virgo because it is oh-so-hard for a Virgo to take the microphone and sing from the rooftops and take center stage. Backstage, sure. She can direct with great creative gusto (Do the Recycling Right This Time should be a play on Broadway) but she does not like having eyes on her. She leaves this honor for those showboating Aries.

Then there are the delicate attributes of a Virgo that have that yin-yang quality of the Zodiac. These are the qualities that can be 1) a true gift for some or 2) an utterly annoying nuisance for others. Here are a few traits that are common to a Virgo:

• Wants to have a clean house, especially the floors (kind of quirky, I know)

• Likes to do things right the first time (Who has time to do it a second time when you are out saving the world?)

• Researches the best product to solve the problem and get 'er done

• Wants to set goals and dreams with defined timelines and outcomes

• Knows that nothing in life has a defined outcome so surrenders to the fact that all of her interests are process-oriented and open-ended and will never be actually "done"

• Loves her dog so much that her family sometimes thinks they come second

• Organizes her spice rack, dresser drawers, office supplies, and underwear as if the task were more artform than function

• Loves to laugh at goofy stuff and to cry at commercials and videos that feature animal rescue, the human spirit, and love’s redemption

If you can overlook some of the zeal (at times, misplaced or even overblown) that a Virgo injects into life – a zeal that you may even want to embrace as your own – you will always know the love and devotion of a lifelong friend and true love. A Virgo will always be there for you, even when you do dumb stuff. And she will need you to be there for her – especially when she goes into overthinking mode over how she royally chewed out the neighbor kid for pulling too hard on a senior dog’s leash.

If you want to truly understand, support, and love a Virgo, please, step aside. She is on an inspired mission to help and to make a difference, even if it only means carrying an expired credit card in her pocket after a heavy rain to go on patrol to rescue heedless worms caught wriggling on the pavement. Little things make a huge difference to a Virgo.

If you can offer support to a Virgo's causes and ideas, it is a beautiful and welcome thing. But if you are someone (a touchy Scorpio maybe?) who is only going to poke holes in her theory or tell her how an idea will never work, you are wasting your breath. She will figure it out. And she will keep going until equilibrium in her Virgo world has been found.

Virgo, the Princess Warrior of Recycling and Worm Safety, you are worthy of love.