The Sandman is En Route

This is a short list for folks who often have trouble dozing off during the appropriate hours like myself.

My friend gave me some good advice recently. He said that no matter what, you’re likely either wearing your shoes or lying on your mattress. Rarely are you neither in shoes nor on your bed. To put it one more way, sleep and walking are the two things we do the most, no matter what else. (Some of us do both at once, i.e. sleepwalking. In which case, slippers are probably best).

Anyway, I agree with my friend. Your mattress should probably be your first consideration in terms of where you put your money: put your money where your rest is. With that in mind, don’t be afraid to spend a little on a good mattress. On a great mattress.

Aside from those that are lying on the sides of the roads up for grabs, my current mattress is among the least comfortable in the United States. I can’t imagine why it took me so long to notice (I’m sure I’ve been in denial), but it’s been sunken in the middle. Probably since late 2020 and getting worse every day since.

I could argue that it was part of my sleep resolution from 2021: to sleep the entire year on a mattress of such poor quality that anything else will feel amazing. But this year, it’s time for that something new.

If you find yourself in a similar situation to mine, and you have yourself a concave mattress, do yourself this favor. And until your new one gets here (if you haven’t gone out to get it), try sleeping on the floor in the meantime. Really. At least it’s flat. Less trouble for your back.

More along these lines: experiment with your orientation on your bed. Don’t be afraid to try sleeping with your head where your feet normally go. You might awake to find yourself well rested, and furthermore that there was some rich, uncharted dream territory over there.

Try your new position out for a few nights. Then, when you find it’s time to return your head to your headboard, it’ll be as fresh as the other side of the pillow is cool. It’s feng-shui for the body. It works.

Now for something that might be a harder pill to swallow. This one’s about managing your viewing habits.

TV is great at night. There’s no denying it. But here’s how it goes every time if you’re like me. Even though the screen seems to lull you whilst watching, you’ll find it insists on being on again the moment you try and turn it off.

Once your eyes adjust to the blue light in the midst of darkness, the static from the screen migrates to the world around you once you shut it down. Once that static gets into the atmosphere, there’s no getting rid of it. It makes its way into your eyes too, even after you close them.

Not only this, but you find that the action from the screen has tricked your mind back into daytime mode. So, you become restless and feel as though you ought to be doing something.

To all this you might say that binge-watching has a pleasantly psychedelic effect on your mind. And that, if you watch for long enough, when you finally do drift off, your dreams will be as vivid and bright as the screen you were just engrossed in.

I understand the appeal. I’ve been there many times.

What I’m saying though, is that the comfort that television brings while you binge becomes conditional and demands more time than you can give it at night. The otherworldly dreams you gain in exchange for sleep are not worth it in the end.

I’m not saying never to watch TV before bed. But for your own sake, keep viewing hours to a minimum. I find that between 9 and 11pm is best.

Here’s an alternative that takes some getting used to, but you’ll be happy you made the switch in the end:

Read instead. Your dreams won’t be as cool, but you’ll remember them.

In lieu of a list for good things to read, here’s a few that I think might be best suited for the occasion, if you need some recommendations:

Mark Twain’s Roughing It

Douglas Adam’s Hitchhiker’s Guide

Scripture

The Collected Shorter Plays of Samuel Beckett

Anything by CS Lewis

Anything by Tolkein

Homer’s Odyssey

I realize that, even without the nuisance of television brain, night is a time when some of us can’t help but think of all the things we thought we were supposed to think of during the day. It’s as though your subconscious can sense that nothing else is going on, so it tries to burden you with everything from your to-do list the moment you become a little bit vulnerable. It should be obvious that said list is put on hold for the time being. But the voice is stubborn.

Again, if you’re like me, this voice is almost as hard to shut off as the laptop. The best advice I can give here is to show it that you mean business.

Adapt a position resilient to anything oncoming. Wear a pair of sunglasses to really let the voice know that you will pay it no heed. I find that hands folded over your chest gets the point across as well.

At the end of the day, it knows it can only get the better of you if you listen to it. Drown it out with your own indifference. It can be done. It must be done. The best fight you can put up against something trying to kick you out of bed—force you to be more productive—is keeping quiet. It will go away.

If it helps, speak your mind to it. But only once. Otherwise, it just becomes a pointless argument.

Tell it “turn the lights off when you leave. I’m going to bed.”

Hope that helps. Good night everybody.