The Pressure to Be “Fine”: Why We Pretend Our Mental Health Is Okay When It’s Not

You ever notice how “How are you?” has become more of a greeting than a question?

We throw it out casually and expect a polite “I’m fine” in return—even when the person we’re asking might be falling apart inside. And sometimes, we’re the ones saying it, masking our stress, our sadness, or our anxiety with a smile and a rehearsed answer.

Why is that? Why do so many of us feel pressured to act like we’ve got it all together, especially when we don’t?

We’ve Been Taught to Be “Strong” — Even When We’re Not

For a lot of us, it starts early. We’re raised to be resilient, to push through, to not make a scene. We hear things like:

• “Don’t be so sensitive.”

• “You’ll be fine.”

• “Other people have it worse.”

So we internalize it. We learn that vulnerability equals weakness. That mental health struggles are private, maybe even shameful.

Even in adulthood, the idea sticks. Especially in workplaces, families, or cultures where showing emotion is seen as “dramatic” or “unprofessional.” The result? We end up performing okay-ness. Smiling on Zoom calls. Posting happy stories. Answering “I’m good” when we’re barely getting by.

Social Media Makes It Even Worse

Let’s be honest: no one’s posting their mental breakdowns. We see filtered lives—vacations, achievements, good days—and start believing that we’re the only ones who feel off.

So we keep quiet. We feel like speaking up might make us look unstable, too emotional, or even burdensome.

And yet, nearly 1 in 5 adults struggles with their mental health. That’s not a minority. That’s a silent majority—just too scared or conditioned to talk about it.

What This Constant Pretending Does to Us

Carrying emotional pain while pretending we’re fine? It’s exhausting. It disconnects us from the people around us. It can even make things worse, because now we’re not only struggling—we’re doing it alone.

This “fine” facade often leads to:

• Emotional burnout — from suppressing how we really feel

• Deeper isolation — because people think we’re okay

• Internal shame — because we start believing we should be okay by now

And slowly, that mask we wear gets heavier. It starts to feel permanent.

So… What Can We Do About It?

Here’s the thing: we don’t need to spill everything to everyone. But we do need to start being honest—at least with ourselves, and ideally with a few safe people.

Start small:

• If someone asks how you are, and you’re not okay, try saying, “I’ve had better days.” It’s honest without oversharing.

• Talk to one person you trust. Just one. Say something real.

• Replace “fine” with “tired,” “overwhelmed,” “numb,” or whatever you’re feeling. Get used to naming it.

And if you’re the one asking how someone is—really mean it. Listen to the pause. Notice the eyes. Give them space to say something besides “I’m good.”

You Deserve Support, Not a Performance

Let’s normalize being not fine.

Let’s normalize saying, “Actually, this week’s been rough.”

Let’s normalize hearing that without flinching or trying to fix it right away.

Because when we drop the act, when we stop pretending, we give other people permission to do the same. That’s how connection grows. That’s how healing starts.

You’re not weak for struggling. You’re human for being honest.