The Fat Narrative No One Wants To Acknowledge: Or, How I Gained Seven Pounds This Month While Working With A Weight-Loss Coach

My friend Dave (name changed to protect him from angry voodoo) just lost 22 pounds in the last six weeks. I liked his Facebook status and I meant it; Dave is a five-star lovely person, and I am thrilled for his success. And I'm not suggesting that he did not work tremendously hard for these results, but male weight loss is not the same as female weight loss.

This is something us female-types have often commiserated about because we see these quick results and know this type of timely triumph will never belong to us, same as that lofty dream about getting to walk alone at night.

Understanding the phenomenon of super-fast weight-loss is important because without acknowledging this pretty regular occurrence, it can be disorienting to be a woman on a weight loss journey. Seeing your friend's stupid fast 22 lb weight loss-*LOVE YA MEAN IT, DAVE* and understanding how that fits into the narrative of weight-loss stories and expectations, it's easier to smile, nod and angrily crunch on your celery, but not so hard that you break a tooth.

Now it's time to come to that same healthy and only moderately bitter conclusion about other weight-loss mysteries- because sorry, not sorry- it's 2021, and I am really over the completely false and harmful assumptions that people make every day about my size-14 body.

Other than a few interspersed years of wearing a size 10, enjoying a "right-at-the-top-of-the-healthy-BMI" weight, while still being perceived as inadequate based on bullshit off-kilter standards, I have spent most of my adult life in a size 12–16… I've usually been somewhere in the middle.

No, I won't be providing a timeline of the logical ups and downs of a human's life, but I will say, for the record, if we were all being graded, I would feel SUPER confident about my marks in the subjects of diet and exercise for the last two decades.

And yet, the constant assumption is that my goals have been delayed by things like *Eating too much* *Being Lazy *Making bad choices* *Needing to learn about nutrition* *Pigging out* or *Failing to be active*. This is incredibly fucked up, uncalled for, and frankly, ignorant.

Out in the world and even within my social life, people constantly give me unsolicited health advice - things like- "maybe you're not meant to be thin" and "you just need to make a few changes."

Unshakeable self-esteem is awesome, but no matter how strong you get, it's hurtful to know that people assume that they know what your life choices look like based on your body. I can only logically assume people also believe folks with acne don't wash their face and that zebras are white horses decorated with Sharpies. But as much as I can laugh about ignorance, I'd rather make it go away than continue to use all of my energy to overcome it.

Just over a month ago I started working with a health and fitness coach, committing to a six-month program. The first thing he did was add to my daily calories, by what feels like a lot. I'm also doing three specific strength-training workouts a week, in addition to staying active via cardio, walking, swimming, etc.

I was reluctant to track my weight daily- a coach recommendation. And when I realized he wasn't trying to send me toward a big scale drop over the first month- instead opting to work on my metabolism, I wasn't worried about how this would feel.

Besides, since diet and fitness are areas I have put a lot of effort into, it stands to reason that my metabolism is needing some a major reconstruction. 

I felt confident about my ability to have realistic expectations…

And then I gained seven pounds in a month.

Okay, to be more fair, today I am up seven pounds from the day I started tracking, but because I am tracking daily, I can tell the scale has gone up and down a spectrum of nine pounds over the last month… 

Important logic check for myself and for all of us: It's not seven pounds of fat. More later on how we think every pound is fat when a lot of the ups and downs are water…

But it still feels incredibly frustrating and can derail most people pretty fast. 

Honestly, I'm not a scale fan… However, a new lesson with this journey is, if I weren't weighing in every morning (via my coach's instructions), I would have probably gone back to eating Keto. Who could blame me for that instinct… So, for once, I'm putting this in someone else's hands- I have a coach and he can worry about the numbers. I am just going to focus on the work. 

That said… One day, two weeks ago, I weighed NINE POUNDS LESS… and that makes me incredibly angry at the world, especially Dave, because he just lost 22lbs in six weeks. #JKDAVEFORPRESIDENT.

All joking aside, I had a big memory flash this morning of how and why I started Keto in the first place and why I stuck to it religiously for the better part of five years. I had just done the infamous whole 30 that I extended for 100 days. Zero pounds lost- zero inches lost. I had tried paleo, vegetarian, and vegan without results. On Keto, I saw changes. That was it- it was the "only" thing that seemed to work. Over those five years, I had really solid success a handful of times.

It might have also temporarily ruined my metabolism. And as much as I convinced myself otherwise, after five years of pretending lettuce was bread and cauliflower bits were rice, food had become incredibly bummer-ific, sad-tastic, and droll.

So now I'm doing something different, because stupidity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.

I have followed every direction- calorie intake, protein, workouts, etc…and so far the return on my investment feels like a ripoff… but this is not meant to be a fast process, in spite of what some people have experienced. 

Unlike that brief stint with weight watchers, my coach is educated and not working off faulty and dangerous ideas about weight loss. He made some suggestions in response to my frantic, disgruntled email, but also seemed completely unfazed about what is showing up on the scale this week.

No failure is occurring. This process just doesn't always look the way we have been led to believe it should!

We need to stop ONLY representing the positive experiences. We need to talk about what this is like. We need to talk about what can go wrong, what does go wrong, and how all bodies are different.

I say a lot. I write about personal subjects, but I am tempted to keep this quiet until I get to the other side. I hate to tell this story from in the trenches because the very deep narrative that diet culture has ingrained in me over the last 39 years tells me I am more valuable in every way at my lower weight. But that's a load of crap.

Today, the number on the scale may not reflect my goal. But it does not reflect my work, my effort, or my value.

And let's be clear - Weight loss is sometimes unfair AF.

That said, all I can do is adjust, use the resources available to me, and keep going. This week I am upping my water intake and switching to plant-based protein, wondering if dairy is currently causing bloating. I'm moving pieces around and staying consistent. Because…well, that's all I can do.

But I am not following my instinct to eat less, because that's actually not the way. I am tempted to eat less or make some big restrictive change because I could probably drop five pounds, but I'm playing the long game.

So, if you could stop stepping on my game piece, that would help too.

I'm working hard to keep my bulletproof mentality- another coach recommendation/requirement, but we also have to remember, bulletproof vests are not meant to take continuous fire.

So I'm going to continue to keep my shit together, but while I stick to this path, I'd love to see the world around me follow suit. When you point your finger at me and think you know anything about my life regarding my body or anything else, it really hurts my feelings, whether I choose to speak up or not. So this holiday season, let's stop this practice.

If you're pointing a finger at me it better be your thumb, cause I am over here killing it.