The Bowron Diet

Looking to lose that last bit of pesky weight? Then try the Bowron diet. Not only will your body fat plummet, but you will also get a fantastic work out! I discovered the wondrous benefits of this diet while on a canoeing trip with eight others. This particular diet involves a nine day round trip, two of which are reserved for driving to and from the Bowron lakes campground. The rest are canoeing (or Kayaking) around the circuit of lakes, with campgrounds set up at intervals, and a strict meal plan. Like all diets, the trip started with high hopes and determination.

We prepared ourselves for months. Budgeting, planning, and Canoeing. But on the weekend before the trip, the person in charge of buying food left for Kelowna. For my mother, this would not do. She urged everyone not in Kelowna to go shopping, but our entire meal plan was miles away. It would return with our other member a few days before our trip began. For my mother, this would not do. We needed to dehydrate our food. A tight timeline. So a couple days before our meal plan returned to us, she went out with a meal plan of her own. The Bowron diet. Seeing as our food budget was spent, there was little we could do but start dehydrating, eagerly awaiting the trip ahead.

After a long sweaty car ride, we waited in a long sweaty line to get a talk on camping in a nature reserve before starting our long sweaty trip. After all the waiting, we were finally off. The canoeing and portaging went by incredibly quickly. Our only problem was a kayak falling off it’s wheels. Even then, we made amazing time, getting to the second campground before dinner.

We set up our tents and lounged in the cool shade of the trees, rustling lightly in the wind. Our uncomfortable sweat dried quickly. We marveled at how clear the water was. The sun rays reaching the very deepest part of the lake exposing mummified trees. We were excited for a beautiful and relaxing trip. And then came dinner.

We cooked our first meal, hungry from a long day. Spaghetti and meatballs lightly spiced. The aroma was tantalizing for our hungry noses. Eagerly, we plopped the steaming noodles and sauce in our camp bowls and shoveled our mouths full.

Egg noodles. Something none of us had expected or even eaten. The slimy texture paired terribly with the elegant sauce. The texture was like old spinach. I stifled a gag, but consumed the calories my body begged for. We ate with the odd complaint, but to the fullest anyways. It was too late to get more food. I filled my camp bowl a second time, it being the smallest in the group, and took the rest of the noodles from the pot as one of our members returned from the bathroom. He looked in despair at the empty pot and the noodles dripping with slime from my mouth. Begrudgingly, he took what was left in my bowl. I hoped that he secretly thanked me for eating part of his portion.

The third day, we once again arrived at the next campsite faster than we had expected. Our only complaint was lunch. Two granola bars, and a fruit bar in between our day of canoeing. Each boat had a small bag of trail mix to last the whole trip as snacks except ours for some reason. We rationed this out delicately, barely supplementing the small meal for lunch.

Arriving at the campsite, we went back to enjoying nature in its fullest, sharing jokes, and lounging in the shade. Come dinner, we were determined to make this meal taste delicious. And oh did it ever. With a sprinkle of Cayenne pepper, the meal tingled the tongue nicely. However, after a few spoonful's, I found my bowl already empty. I looked in the pot. Empty. The tastiness of our meal had left my hungrier than before. I figured the member whose portion I ate returned the favor. Shrugging my shoulders, I went back to enjoying the scenery. There would be more food.

Breakfast was the same every day. Three packets of instant oatmeal. The one thing we had before buying our food. It quickly became our biggest meal of the day. Lunch came around. We eagerly found our bag of food for the day and scavenged for our lunch. Two granola bars and a fruit roll up. My heart sank as I began to notice a trend. Dinner rolled around. I gazed down at the bottom of my bowl through a thin layer of food. I glanced around at the teary eyes of my fellow members. I looked back down at my bowl, sinking below the ground in despair. We scrapped every morsel into our mouth.

The trend I had noticed persisted. Three packs of oatmeal, two granola bars, a fruit roll up or bar, and a dinner that barely filled the bottoms of our bowls. At one point I spilled a healthy chunk of food on the ground. My compatriots looked at me, pity in their eyes. I stared solemnly for a while before picking the sustenance up. “Every calorie counts” I said, choking up a little. Plopping the dirty chunk into my mouth the others watched a broken man swallow more dirt and pine needles than food. Hunger pains had long since faded. Later we watched in horror as my mother laughed hysterically at my brother going down two belt loops. He has always been a skinny fellow. The fact that he could lose more weight was astonishing. We were convinced she had brought us out here to die. But still, we ate our meal. Every calorie counts.

Five days in, we saw a beautiful camp-sight. Crystal blue water turned to churning white rapids, plummeting into a deep swimming area. A rocky beach shore with inukshuks surrounded a grassy field with signs covered in carvings of those that came before us. Benches and shelters with wooden paddles covered in more names and even a wood stove. Spirits flew.

We celebrated my brother's birthday, making the day that much better. My mother had brought him a dehydrated brownie as a surprise. As he nibbled away, savoring the treat, I glared at it. My mouth, watering. One phrase repeated in my mind. Every calorie counts. I shook the disturbing thoughts away and went to build a towering inukshuk with my friends.

On the eighth day, we decided to do two days of paddling in one, for the sole purpose of having more food. We awoke to wind hammering the trees and dark clouds gathering in the sky. We saw my brother staring out at the choppy waters. “We leave today.” He said to himself. As we paddled, rain began to fall. My brother's words repeated in all of our heads. We leave today. Thunder rumbled, matched only by our rumbling bellies as we thought of the prospect of more food. Waves battered us. My brother tied a rope, attaching his boat to one that was lagging behind. “We leave today.” He repeated.

We made it to shore. Our clothes clung to us despite them no longer fitting. Our boats, full of water. Our stomachs, howling. Without a word, we packed up and headed to Denny’s. And we gorged ourselves. The waitress brought half the table their food, left to pick up the rest, and returned to empty plates. I will never forget how good that meal tasted.

In the end, we had amazing results from the diet. My brother, down two belt loops, one of my friends needed more shorts entirely, and my old pairs of shorts that I had grown out of, fit like a dream. This diet works. And despite the bumps along the way, we had a lot of fun doing it. You too can lose weight today, with the Bowron diet! (I am not responsible for any injury or harm acquired from the Bowron diet. Ask your doctor if the Bowron diet is right for you.)