satire
Health and Wellness satire, comedy, and all things satirical in the Longevity digital space.
A Football Fantasy
Author's Note & Transparency: This is an analytical piece exploring a hypothetical sports scenario. It was drafted with AI assistance and has been thoroughly reviewed, edited, and fact-checked by Kamran Ahmad to ensure original thought and commentary. This article discusses a fictional matchup for cultural analysis and is not a report on a real event.
By KAMRAN AHMAD3 months ago in Longevity
You're Not Getting It
The official-looking sign posted on the door read, “Safe Driving for Seniors.” In many states, the term seniors could apply to high school seniors, but not in Florida. The attendees in this room were all past retirement age and had one thing in common besides age — they had all received a ticket for unsafe driving. The instructor was in his early twenties and displayed the confidence of youth. He was given this assignment because no one more senior than him wanted to do it.
By Mark Gagnon4 months ago in Longevity
Your Health Is Your Wealth: Small Habits, Big Impact
Introduction In today’s fast-paced digital world, we often ignore the very engine that drives us—our health. We prioritize deadlines, devices, and distractions, while our body quietly absorbs the pressure. But here’s a truth worth remembering: your health is the foundation of your success, happiness, and freedom. It’s time to invest in it, one small habit at a time.
By KAMRAN AHMAD6 months ago in Longevity
Got Extra Fat?
It all started with a discovery that didn’t seem particularly life-altering. A cosmetics company sponsoring research on human longevity figured out special properties of the cells that make up the outer human ear, scientifically known as Keratinized Stratified Squamous Epithelium (KSSE), or type of tissue characterized by multiple layers of flattened cells that are hardened and waterproofed by keratin. Specifically, KSSE have longer biological life and virtually do not age or form wrinkles.
By Lana V Lynx9 months ago in Longevity
When Love Meets Legacy: How Romantic Relationships Shape the Stories We Leave Behind
Introduction Love is not merely a fleeting emotion confined to a moment in time; it is the foundation upon which legacies are built. When two lives intertwine in romance, they create a narrative that extends far beyond their immediate relationship. Their love becomes a thread woven into the broader tapestry of family traditions, artistic expressions, memories, and cultural identities. In this exploration, we reflect on how romantic relationships shape the stories we leave behind, touching every aspect of our lives—from the intimate corners of home to the grand stages of art and collective memory.
By Mysteries with Professor Jahani9 months ago in Longevity
Now Hiring: Aripiprazole Administerer. Honorable Mention in The Life-Extending Conundrum Challenge.
Would you believe that the key to eternal life wasn’t a holy grail, or a fountain spring, or even God himself? It came from roundworms. Well not exactly, but it was through roundworms that the key was discovered – in 2022, Jiang, et al, by running tests on the parasites, discovered that “The clinically approved antipsychotic aripiprazole holds potential as a novel anti-aging drug.”
By E. L. Stacy9 months ago in Longevity
The Bondage of Immortech
”Kerry, you just changed the world.” Paul Kerry blinks. Then he dares to smile. But only for a flash. “No. Listen everybody, this is…. Hell, this feels like a miracle. But we need to run more tests. Log the final readouts and set everything back to zero. Start again from scratch.”
By Sam Spinelli9 months ago in Longevity
