Stop Putting My Weights Away For Me

"If I picked them up, I can put them back."

That is what I want to say whenever a man offers to put my weights away for me at the gym.

I’ve been lifting for years now, which means a lot of my workouts include using heavy free weights - especially on my leg days. Hip thrusts are my pride and joy at 190kg for 4 sets of 10 reps. (Was that a flex? Yes. Am I desperately struggling to reach the 200kg club? Absolutely).

Over the years, I have noticed a phenomenon in the gym that follows the same formula every time.

I’ll be lifting my heaviest set. A man will notice, maybe come over and comment on the weight. They’ll then hover somewhere in the vicinity waiting for me to finish lifting, at which point they start to put my weights back for me. Sometimes they ask, but half the time they’ve started touching the weights before I can respond.

I’ll politely decline any offer because I am more than capable, but it appears that ‘no’ isn’t an acceptable answer in these situations.

So we’ll awkwardly put the weights away together, or worse, they’ll try to insist I do nothing while they lug the plates and bar back to their positions.

The first time couple of times I experienced this, I gave men the benefit of the doubt. But over time this issue has repeated itself and despite it sounding like a small thing, it has really started to grate on me and other lifters I know.

It would be fine if these men were helping everyone regardless of gender. Or if I was visibly struggling. Or if they were keen to use the weights or the space after me. Or perhaps if we’d spoken before.

But this visibly isn’t the case.

I don’t know whether it’s an excuse to make conversation or a way of asserting that they too can move the weights I move. Trying to demonstrate that chivalry isn’t dead? Either way, it feels patronising and presumptive.

This doesn’t happen every session. But I’ve worked out in many gyms across different cities and have inevitably had this experience in every single one.

I also know other feminine-presenting lifters who’ve experienced the same thing. It just adds to a list of uncomfortable experiences we have to endure in the gym. Being stared at, filmed, and propositioned, when we just want to do our own thing in a space that can already be pretty intimidating.

As someone who follows a lot of female fitness influencers, it’s easy to forget what a male dominated space the gym is. But every time I step foot in the weights section of a gym I am quickly reminded of this imbalance.

Correcting this gender imbalance and solving the issues feminine-presenting people experience in the gym doesn’t have a single solution. But there are little steps men can take to make the gym a better space for all, and that includes changing how they interact with non-men.

Ask if someone wants help before you intervene. Accept the answer you receive. If that answer is no, accept it graciously.

As a man, analyse why you are offering women help with their weights. If your offer of assistance comes with other intentions, or if you wouldn’t offer help to their male counterparts, maybe you’re not being as considerate as you think you are.

Also, try putting away your own weights first. Instead of leaving your three sets of dumbbells cluttered around the bench.