Samhain and Holy Spirits

Halfway between the autumnal equinox and the winter solstice, lies the Celtic festival of Samhain. Samhain (pronounced sow-when) is usually celebrated from the evening of October 31st (when the Celtic day began and ended) to the evening of November 1st.

So it's a Gaelic version of Halloween, right? Not Exactly. While Samhain originated as a festival with Celtic Pagan origins, it is also mentioned in some very early Irish literature, and many of the true beginnings of the holiday have been lost to time. It has become more popular in the past century or so due to both the Celtic Revival and the rise of Paganism.

I first learned about Samhain a few years ago, just as I had begun to dip my toe into the pagan holidays. Through an ancestry DNA test and some records in a box in my father's garage, I learned that I have Celtic roots (I know, another American looking for a more glamorous backstory, how original) and I became determined to learn more about my ancestors and the lives they led. I started reading anything that I could get my hands on about their culture and spirituality, and found myself down the rabbit hole on my merry way to becoming a druid.

I can see you rolling your eyes right now.

But it's true. Let me back up a little bit. I was raised in the Christian church. More than raised, even, I was an active participant. I sang in the choir, attended bible studies and youth groups, collected tithes and donations during services, and even spent my summers on mission trips to the Texas-Mexico border. Church was my life growing up, and I never thought it would ever be something that I would leave.

Now I am going to pause right here to make a little disclaimer - this is not a story intended to bash Christianity, this is simply my experience, and I own it all, the good and the bad. and if it works for you, go with God my friend - I loved a lot of things about the church, the sense of community, the friends I made, the places we traveled, but I always felt a little bit like I was an imposter. I would pray all the time, in services and at home and before meals, and I never felt like those prayers were connecting to anything, or anyone. Everyone talked about listening for God and God speaking to you and I tried and tried and listened and listened and I never heard... anything.

Everyone else did. Or at least, said they did. "God spoke to me..." "God is calling me to..." "God chose him for me..." Everyone seemed to have a personal relationship with God, out here having conversations and callings, and all I ever heard, all I ever felt, was overwhelming silence.

I was told to pray more and listen harder. Pay less attention to boys and more attention to god. But nothing ever worked. And Sixteen-year-old me thought she knew exactly why. There was a reason, other than raging teenage hormones, why I was what some may have called "boy crazy." A reason I learned much later, after I left the church, that was called Bisexuality.

So I moved away, I quietly left the church, and I lived my life until I picked up that box in my father's garage, and started learning about old, celtic religions. That research eventually led me to a blog about Druidry ( The Druid's Garden, if you're interested ) and all at once, I knew exactly why all those years in the Christian church felt a little like trying to shove a square peg in a round whole. Simply put, it just wasn't for me.

So here I am, ten years later, baking mooncakes and getting ready to celebrate Samhain (while answering the door for trick-or-treaters, of course!) hoping that my ancestors are looking from beyond the veil, and their descendent who left the church that helped erase their religion all those years ago, celebrating the pagan holiday.

Blessed Samhain to All, and Happy Halloween. 👻