OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE

My birthday is in two days. I'll be 51 and I still can't believe it. I'm also 30 pounds overweight and I CAN believe that because I spent most of the pandemic watching Netflix and eating Haagen-Dazs strawberry ice-cream on the couch. I couldn't go to the gym so I begged my husband to buy me an exercise bike. He didn't want to because he said I wouldn't use it, but I've proved him wrong. I've used it 3 times -- in 6 months. I need a change. And I think I found it! Yoga! A new yoga place in my city is offering 3 free classes! I immediately signed up for the next beginner's class which starts tomorrow. Can't wait!

Before I go on, I should give a little background. I grew up in Southern California. Both my parents are Hispanic and I went to a high school that was 50% Asian, 45% Hispanic and 5% other. Other included 3 black brothers (and when I say brothers, I mean they were related) who were all super cool, and 2 white guys, one who was so good-looking, he made my eyes hurt. We made out once outside a movie theater and never spoke to each other again. We didn't even go see a movie together - we just met up there with our friends. What a rip-off. No dinner, no drinks, no nothing. We were in high school though so I imagine a dinner and drinks would have been Taco Bell and some Cokes. But still, I could have saved my burrito wrapper as a souvenir.

I now live in a beautiful, cozy city in Southern California. I would say it's 40% yoga moms, 40% older white men writing a screenplay (why doesn't anyone go to work in this city?) and married to yoga moms, 19% bratty white kids with names like Tanner and Wyatt (I once heard Tanoche - as in "Tanoche, please don't throw all the library books on the floor, I know you're exploring but please be careful") and the last percent would be me. I don't know why all the toddlers here seem to control their parents but that's a story for another day.

Yoga night finally came around and I prepared for the one hour journey of relaxation and de-stressing I was sure I was going to get. I got to the yoga studio and was greeted by the owners, a cute older couple in amazing shape who gave me a tour and sent me off to the yoga studio for my first class. They looked like proud parents sending me off to college. First thing I notice, and I honestly am never bothered by these things, is that I'm the only Hispanic woman there. Everyone else was blonde, wearing all black, Lululemon of course, and I was wearing regular Target leggings (looking like they had been washed 300 times because they had) with a t-shirt from Forever 21 that had a picture of a cat wearing sunglasses on the front. I also noticed that no one was smiling. Okay, fine, I can do this. Promises of deeper sleep and more energy lured me into a sense of happy anticipation. I set up my mat and my water bottle and sat down cross-legged on my mat. My butt hurt immediately. Would it be weird to ask for a pillow? Then I noticed how warm the studio was - what was happening? I was sweating and I hadn't even started doing anything yet. Oh no, please don't let this be hot yoga! Crap!

Hot yoga would be a nightmare for me. I need cold. I need air. I sleep with the air conditioner and a fan pointed right at my face even in the dead of winter. But the warm-up is starting and I'm going to try to get through this. It's only one hour, after all. Did I mention everyone is wearing a mask? So, we start off with stretches and I realize how unflexible I am. Everyone else is twisting into graceful curves but I look like I'm made out of lego blocks and can't bend at all. The fact that I'm watching myself in a wall-to-wall mirror is not helping and I feel myself blushing in embarrassment. Luckily, I was being thoroughly ignored by all. It's 10 minutes in now and I'm sweating like crazy, tired and can't breathe. I keep looking at my Fitbit to see how much time has passed and each minute feels like an hour. Maybe if I take a quick break to get some air, I can come back re-energized.

I sneak out of the class and one of owners instantly appears in front of me. I tell her I'm having trouble with the heat and she tells me to go to the back studio and relax because it's cooler there. Well, it's cooler but maybe by 5 degrees. I'm thinking about all the benefits of yoga while taking in deep, relaxing breaths and how great I'll look at my high school reunion in two months if I can just make this my new routine. I already have a dress. I start walking back to the class, stop, and then think "F, this! I'm out of here." I run in, without making eye contact with anyone and grab my mat, my water bottle and my keys and speed walk out of there into the cool night air. My reunion dress is black, anyway. That will work.