One Word

A few weeks ago a friend decided to send me some money and asked me if I had a PayPal account to receive it. My answer was that I'd had one in the past but currently do not. I asked him if I should open one for the purpose of him sending me the money so it's easier for him and he disagreed saying he'd figure it out somehow. Ultimately, Cashapp was used.

Present day, weeks later, I opened a PayPal account (for unrelated reasons) and I made him aware that I now have a PayPal account. His response was:

Excellent! I'm glad you got that resolved.

Now, to anyone else this wouldn't be an issue at all. But to me.. today—and with the icky way I had been feeling lately—it caused my mind to immediately fortify its already impenetrable defenses and I got mad.

My initial thought pattern went as follows: there was no issue to be resolved as it relates to PayPal. I had no complications opening a PayPal account and I didn't indicate at all that there was something which required resolving. I had an account in the past and had since closed it. That's it.

That little nuance, though.. that one word—'resolved'—sent me into a frenzy! The gall of him to imply something so far off from who I've shown him I am. My instinct was to text him back and give him a piece of my mind:

What do you mean 'resolved'? There was no issue that needed to be resolved. I simply closed my PayPal years ago because I wasn't using it and had no reason to open another one until you asked if I had one. Now that I've opened one, I decided to make you aware of it just in case there is another instance where you need to send money so PayPal can be included as an option.

It's sort of disheartening because I feel as though when I speak to you that you do not truly hear or understand me—although your most commonly used phrase with me is 'i understand'. You're a problem-solver and I've learned that about you by getting to know you these past few months. You're all about getting things done, making strides, achieving goals, reaching new levels and that's absolutely wonderful.. for you.

You've attempted, on several occasions, to make this my way of being as well contrary to the fact that I've made it quite clear to you that I do not operate in that manner. I am not a DO-er, I am a BE-er. I've explained to you before how easy my life is since I've learned to focus my energy on feeling good while the Universe delivers to me all that my heart desires.

Whenever I tried to be a do-er like everyone around me wanted me to be, things took a huge dip downward. I had enough of that and because I was looking for reasons to feel better about my life, I came across the teachings which have brought me to where I am as a Be-er. This has brought loads of ease, happiness, and abundance into my life.

So, when you say things like, "...glad you got that resolved," when there was nothing that required resolution, you impose your way of thinking onto me, implying that there must've been some issue preventing me from opening a PayPal account and that I had struggled with resolving it until now.

Your response clarifies that you, once again, do not recall the conversation we had where I explained to you that I closed it because I no longer found a need for it, not because there was an issue, and that hurts because I've explained to you before that I feel my words carry weight with them and shouldn't be dismissively placated once they've exited my mouth with pre-programmed phrases like, "I understand," when your understanding of my words is the furthest thing from the truth.

But you know what? Now that all of that is written out, I can see how selfish and rude and far from my true self what I said really is? This man is just being who he is. He is communicating in a way that's been comfortable to him for many years. How unfair it would be for me to show up in his life and "rip him a new one" insisting that he should, instead, communicate with me on my terms just because he used a word that I wouldn't have used to describe this particular situation?

He's permitted to live his life in the ways that suit him best. He has the right to speak in a way that's comfortable and effective for him. His intention is not to poke fun at my beliefs nor to be a hard-ass about his own beliefs. He's communicating as best he can from where he is in his life and I can only respect that because, after all, he cannot communicate with me from a place where he is not.

As such, after writing all of what I wanted to say in its entirety (without sending it) and then thinking it through, I came to the realization that my response did not accurately reflect my true feelings. My friend is genuinely glad that I was able to obtain a PayPal account.

He considers it a goal achieved which, for me—since I'm the only one who determines how I interpret everything in my life anyway—I would consider it more me getting exactly what I want (which is something I say regularly, "I always get exactly what I want.") and he's simply expressing his satisfaction with what I've done the best way he knows how.

If I'm honest with myself, I appreciate him taking the time to share his feelings with me. That is the bottom line. In the end, I replied with:

Thx :)

This lets him know I'm thankful for his response and enthusiasm and that I'm happy that he's happy that I now have a PayPal account when I didn't have one before. He followed-up by sharing that he feels good and is happy. He thanked me, which made me smile and feel good also.

You see, this is how I grow spiritually. This is how I become wise. I am still human and I have human emotions that can, at times, be completely irrational. But if I take a deep breath and follow a couple of simple steps, I can usually observe any situation in life that I once found unfavorable from a new perspective and offer a more genuine response.

First, I write down everything that initially comes to my mind no matter how "bad" it sounds or how negative it feels, just like I did above.. BUT DON'T SEND IT. Do you see how my initial message comes across as offensive and even crass? That's because those are the raw irrational emotions of irritability I felt at the time which had been lingering all day and had nothing to do with him directly. Getting those out of the way clears the space in my mind and heart for more positive and true-to-how-I-feel emotions to flood in. Because I didn't send it, there's nothing for me to regret or apologize for. There's only room for an improved response.

Next, I erase the initial message and then I speak from this new perspective. Once I've cleared those irrational emotions out of the way, I can generally feel the distinctly different more positive emotions flow in which fuel an entirely different more accepting and understanding response. This provides an opportunity for me to check myself and approach the situation from a more calm and accepting place. It also lays the groundwork for positive conversation to flourish while strengthening the friendship.

Of course this mindset wasn't cultivated over night and is highly unpopular due to it's perceived lack of "work". It is a multiple times per day practice which is one of the reasons why Energy (Vibrational) Work can hardly be classified as "doing nothing" although so many people believe this to be the case.

Quieting the mind and focusing in a positive direction takes work, especially if you're already in a "bad mood" or are experiencing negative emotions at the time. It may not be as tedious or taxing as physical work but it is work nonetheless. Work that, with practice, produces millions of times more positive results than physical work alone!

I'm more than six years into my Spiritual Journey and I'm still learning how to accept others as they are while still feeling good about it. It's not something you ever perfect because life is ongoing. As you live and experience life, you encounter people and situations which challenge you in one way or another and, thus, encourage your growth and evolution. And with each new situation or encounter, I get better and better at it.

When I think about it, my initial message would have caused an unnecessary disagreement between my friend and myself. He would have felt attacked and may have tried to defend himself by explaining what he meant and that would have sent me off the deep end forcing me to type out a 5K word novel on how I feel.. all which would have left an unsavory stench, if you will, in the air between us; something neither of us would have benefited from.

Most importantly, I suppose, is that my second approach is not fake. We've all experienced shifts in emotions due to many factors in life be it the environment, other people, or something as simple as the slightest imbalance in our hormones. These things can cause negative thought patterns to surface which ultimately are transmuted into less than favorable emotions.

If left unchecked, these emotions can spill over into our lives affecting the people we love if we allow it. When you're in a funky mood, someone could text you something as simple as "wyd" and you find yourself almost unconsciously flying off the handle for no good reason. And heaven forbid a 'Scam Likely' call comes through. You're likely to Hulk smash that phone into oblivion!

Anyone who has gone from feeling negative emotions to feeling better emotions can attest to the clarity you feel once those negative thoughts and emotions are cleared out. It's like walking into a room with all the windows and doors open at the moment when a beautiful strong breeze blows through and wraps you up entirely. You take a deep breath and feel the goodness fill you up from the inside out.

There's a reason why some people like to get things off their chest because once they're done, they find themselves in a clearer head-space where they can make better-feeling decisions. One of the issues with this, however, is some people like to get things off their chest to your face, over the phone, in a text message or through email and while they end up feeling better once it's over, this can leave the people they're interacting with offended, hurt, damaged, or even severely traumatized.

What may work out a bit better is rather than immediately feeding into those negative feelings that have your blood pumping and getting them off your chest, take a step back from the conversation itself and then take that time to do the work I mentioned above in order to get back to an aligned state of being prior to offering your response.

Keep in mind you're not asking for permission to take this moment for evaluation. If you're face-to-face, you're making the other party aware that you require a moment to step away and evaluate your feelings before you respond and whether they agree or not, do it!

If they become perturbed, ignore it. Take time to do what you have to do to align your energy before you engage if you want to preserve the friendship. Usually, though, a rational person will allow you your moment to do your thing and will appreciate very much the follow-up response they will receive once you're in a better vibrational space.

As such, my second approach depicts my true emotions about the situation because they are more in alignment with who I genuinely am as a person. I am not a mean, offensive, or crass woman. I am kind, loving, compassionate, happy, and understanding. I accept my friend for who he is and the initial negative feeling I had about his use of the word 'resolved' not only had nothing to do with him in the least but only served to demonstrate to me that those feelings of annoyance I experienced about that word are not in alignment with who I am at the core of my being.

Goodness, happiness, abundance. These are my natural states of Being. Anything other than that deserves a second and maybe a third review for good measure before it's permitted to leave my mouth (or fingers, in this case, as it was a text message) so I can be confident it's stemming from my true self and not some temporary illegitimate fleeting emotion which may damage a friendship I actually cherish.

This, too, is the beauty and cathartic nature of writing for me. It provides a platform where I'm able to organize my thoughts and—by extension—my feelings into something I can see and study and consistently improve upon so I am certain—without exception—that I'm being the best version of myself that I can be.

Life is about the journey for me. There is always something along the way which is useful in pointing me in the best direction for wherever I may be emotionally or in keeping me on the path to who I truly am. Sometimes, I need those negative emotions to say to me, "hey! I want to feel better about this," and then it's up to me to decide what I can do to allow those better-feeling emotions to flow in. When I acknowledge this, I can begin to use situations like these to facilitate my growth and evolution into a better person who, in turn, plays well with other people.