My Weightloss Journey

Where do I even begin with this story. Growing up I was always the fat kid, getting picked on is an understatement. I remember being bullied for my weight every single day. It was hard, as a kid early on I knew by me being this size I would always be considered different and have a target on my back. At home it wasn’t no better. Being called fat a*# by your own father eventually sticks with you. I became very insecure early in my life. I had dreams of becoming a choreographer, but due to me not believing in myself and the fact that back then it wasn’t the norm or you rarely seen a plus size person dancing. Nowadays that is all you see and I love it! It seemed like the older I got the bigger I got and life just slowly started to become hard. I wasn’t able to do certain things or I didn’t want to do things. I hated going to the mall, didn’t like being around big crowds, always felt like I was being watched, it was tough. All throughout high school I was known as the goofy/funny fat kid. Did I like that “NO” but I embraced it. After graduating high school I told myself I would finally try to lose weight. I started going to the YMCA, but that didn’t last long… Yes I gave up. I eventually met my soulmate on a dating site which I didn’t date much during school I was more of meeting someone online thinking it would be easier to talk to someone like that where they wouldn’t see my weight first but my personality. Well let’s just say we have been together 5 years and currently engaged so yea I definitely found my soulmate and she never once judged me. When people say “this is happy weight” I 100% get that because after a year of being in a relationship and moving in together I start getting bigger and bigger. At my biggest weight I was about 480+ and everything at that point was very hard to do. It hurt to just go grocery shopping. It would make me so angry and would cause me and my fiancé to have small arguments because I just wasn’t comfortable being in public but she always tried to motivate me and let me know I was perfect the way I was. I believed her I was just to busy worrying about what others thought about me. Let’s fast forward to the end of 2019 beginning of 2020, I was constantly peeing and becoming very irritated and my body was just feeling so weak day in and day out. At first I thought well maybe it’s because I drink a lot of water but the other symptoms were not making sense to me. I eventually told babe and she constantly told me I needed to go to the doctor, but after what happened to my aunt Neekie I just didn’t trust doctors to much. The pain eventually got so bad to where I was up all night and I had to suck it up and go to the doctor. I decided to go to urgent car January 3rd 2020 and that is when I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. I was crushed, I called babe and I just cried to her. She got off work because I told her the doctor said it didn’t look to good I had to go straight to the emergency room because I needed insulin and I had a high level of ketones (complication of diabetes that can lead to a coma or even death) in my pee, which is very serious. After finding out I had diabetes I would say I was very depressed for a couple months. I felt like I failed at life because that was one of the things I told myself I would not want to get, well life has a funny way of waking you up. I started watching what I ate more, but was still eating junk. Then of course the pandemic hit and we were stuck in the house and all we could do was eat, eat, eat. Around May I started doing tiktoks just to past by time. Tiktok really saved my life and after about a month of doing tiktoks I had my first viral video. I was getting love, but was also getting hate. The hate drove me crazy at first because I was just having fun dancing doing the things I love and some stranger had so much to say about my life without even knowing me or my story. I quickly understood how cruel this world is. However the love and support I received was out of this world. I had strangers hitting me up telling me I inspired them to be themselves and they were happy to see another plus size person not being afraid to post and not care what people think, but little did they know I really did care. Many nights I cried to my baby because I just didn’t understand why people had to be so mean. That’s when I made the decision that it was time for me to make a real change. I tried everything and nothing worked I constantly gave up, but I would always try again and eventually it stuck. I remember going to a doctors appointment where I got on the scale and I was about 480 something and I was so embarrassed, then I went back 3 months later and I was at around 430. I couldn’t believe my eyes, I just knew I was tripping. We get in the little room and she tells me like “Wow there was a drastic decrease in my weight and to keep doing whatever it was I was doing” at that point I was still looking at myself like “dang I don’t feel or look smaller”, but I kept cutting back and dancing on tiktok and tried to get out more; I even protested for the first time. Months go past and I’m having hella people tell me even babe like your really losing weight. I would smile and say thank you but it didn’t phase me because I didn’t see it at all. Until one day I’m chilling on my porch after taking some pictures, I just look at myself like “man I do look a little smaller” so then I start going through old pictures and I came across a picture me and babe had took on vacation earlier that year and my mind was blown on how different I looked. At that point I knew it was real and I wanted to see more weight loss. I then began caring more about my health, and for once in my life I felt that I had accomplished the biggest hardship in my life “my weight”. I am now 372 pounds and I am not done yet! I’m starting to love myself more and embrace the woman I am becoming. It has definitely been a long time coming and I am ready for each and every obstacle thrown my way. God kept me here for a reason and I won’t stop until my ultimate purpose is fulfilled. I want to mainly think my fiancé because she never gave up on me even at my lowest points in life and through all the hard days we had she never left. I believe if it wasn’t for God, my fiancé, diabetes, and tiktok I have no clue where I would be, but I’m here and I’m still standing. I want this story to be able to inspire someone out there who is trying to lose weight and feel like nothing works. Don’t Give Up! Keep getting back up and trying again, it will eventually pay off. On the picture in the left I was hurting, uncomfortable, struggling, depressed; but on the right is a confident, outgoing, always happy, still dealing with depression but handling it better beautiful Kween! Thank you to whom ever takes the time out there day to read this. I hope it inspires you to keep going! Good luck to you all! Much Love ❤️