I am not ready to say goodnight to you

I was ready to make my life better for you, take care of myself, stop doubting myself and stop turning into the drink of forgetness.

But I guess I never took into consideration that you were going to leave me and make me believe that life is not worth living if you are not in it.

I guess I am not ready for life to keep going without you.

Making me believe that you love someone like me was like a fairytale come true. Nobody ever looked at me, the way you looked at me that snowing night we met.

I got chills all over my body when I saw you across the room and it wasn't because I just entered the restaurant. Even though,I, myself was on a date with another guy, that my sister set me up with.

I couldn't take my eyes off of yours

They were pulling me, and honest to God, I didn't want to pull apart.

But, I did. I looked away because my date tap me. And for a second, there I didn't even know who this man in front of me was. I wanted to look at you again. I wanted to start a conversation with you

To know how you speak, what is the tone of your voice when you see me, to hear your voice, to hear you saying my name. But before any of that could even happen, our host called us to the table, making what was gonna be a simple and fine date, and turned it into my worst nightmare.

I couldn't see you anymore.

I sat down in front of one too many that wanted to be seen as the good guys, but all they were stuck up, not being able to say “no” to my dear old sister. Meaning, this wasn't a real date, it was an elaborate idea for my sister to look good. But all I wanted was to see those vibrate, green eyes of yours.

Then, I saw you again, like an angel appearing right in front of me. We took a glance at each other, thinking that I was gonna pass out at that moment. Everything happened too fast.

And you were gone. Out of the restaurant. Out of my life.

Until, the date was finally over. We stood at the front of the entrance, not knowing what to do, to just leave or to give me a goodnight kiss, he decided to give me the awkward handshake. We said our goodbyes and right when I was gonna cross the street to my car. Someone stops me.

Thinking it must have been Mr Stuck Up.

I turn around, and find those green vibrate eyes again. They were looking right at me.

You said “Hi” to me, which was such a rush, it almost took my breath away. I open my mouth to say “Hi” right back, but it was like I couldn't even breathe around him, he saw my reaction and immediately started explaining himself. Trying to look like he wasn't some weird stalker, which I didn't even think about.

His voice was so mesmerizing, and nothing like I expected. He finished, and stood there waiting for my answer, like my opinion really matters to this guy. And I finally responded back “ It’s okay, you don't even look like a stalker to me”. He laughed

He laughed at my comment. I wanna hear that laugh everyday if that was possible. He is the man of my dreams. There was just something about the guy that made me feel and believe I can accomplish everything with him in my life.

After that incident, he walked me to my car and we talked a lot more that i have talked to a guy in so long, even Mr. Stuck Up.

We stopped at my car, laughing at a joke. Realizing we were close, looking at each other, not pulling away. Then, I cleared my throat, wanted for him to say something stupid and then ask me out or ask for my number.

But what he did, actually surprised me, till this day no one has ever done something so corny.

He took my hand, made me do a twirl and then when I wasn't looking, he scooped a snowball and then wrote, “TMR, 6:00PM?”. Laughed like a little girl and blushed uncontrollable, making me feel like I'm in middle school again.

Biting my lips, thinking about it and saying yes.

When I look back at this moment, is still one of my favorite memories from us. But I do regret saying yes to you, that night, and other nights after that. Until the very last night, when you asked me to move out of the apartment.

No warning.

No hope.

No relationship anymore.

I guess when I thought I was special to you, you just thought I was some other girl who was fool by your green eyes, your smooth voice, and your corny ways. Well, i guess i am just not ready to say goodnight to you one last time, even though you hurt prefundly.

I am not ready to say goodnight to you.