Embracing the Uncertainty of Who I Am

I know I’m not perfect. I strive to find what perfect feels like, but it seems like a nonexistent thing. Maybe perfection isn’t real at all—just an illusion shaped by expectations, comparisons, and fleeting moments of self-doubt. Maybe the real goal isn’t perfection, but learning to be okay with who I am right now. Some days, I still think I’ll wake up and have some sort of revelation—like suddenly, I’ll know exactly who I am, and everything will make sense. But the truth is, that’s not how life works. Instead of chasing an impossible clarity, I need to learn how to embrace who I am now, not who I think I should be.

"The Pressure to “Figure It Out”

Nowadays, it seems as though everyone is expected to go about their lives perfectly, without issue. I am one of those people who feel pressured by the eyes of society to be flawless in my day-to-day ventures. I want to be perfect, not only for myself and my own personal expectations, but for the people around me. I catch myself constantly worrying about how I come across, as if any misstep will change the way others see me. The idea of making mistakes, of not meeting certain unspoken standards, lingers in the back of my mind. But the more I try to be everything I think I should be, the more exhausting it becomes. How can anyone live up to an idea of perfection that doesn’t even seem real?

Lately, this fear has felt even heavier. I find myself questioning everything—Am I doing things wrong? Am I falling behind? How do I even begin to figure out who I am and what I’m supposed to be doing? It’s a cycle of uncertainty that leaves me feeling stuck, as if I’m waiting for some kind of answer that never comes.

"How Overthinking Gets in the Way"

When I was in school, I was always labeled as the ‘high school jock,’ and I did my best to fit into that role. It was easy. That’s how people saw me, so why would I question it? But now that I’m out of high school, taking time to figure things out, I’ve realized that was never really me. More than anyone else, I put that label on myself because it felt safe. It was more comfortable to play a role than to actually be myself.

Looking back, I don’t think I ever truly got to enjoy high school or my teenage years—I was too busy maintaining an image of someone people liked. I was too scared to be my real self in case people didn’t like what they saw. That fear lingered in the back of my mind then, and even now, it still holds me back. It’s kept me from doing things I’ve always wanted to try, from exploring new parts of myself, and ultimately, from being happy.

I’ve spent so much time trying to figure out exactly who I am, like I need to have a clear definition before I can actually start living. But in doing that, I’ve held myself back. I’ve been so afraid of making the ‘wrong’ choices that I’ve avoided making choices at all. Instead of letting myself experience things naturally, I’ve overthought every step, worrying about whether it fits the version of myself I think I should be. But maybe the only way to figure things out is to stop obsessing over the outcome and just let myself live.

"Learning to Just Be"

I’ve been so stuck on trying to find all the answers that I’ve been missing out on actually living. I’m 19 years old, worrying about what the next several decades of my life will look like. But the truth is, I don’t need to have everything figured out right now. I need to let life happen as it comes, instead of trying to plan every step ahead of time.

Writing out my thoughts and sharing them online has actually helped me reflect on this more—on how to be okay with uncertainty instead of fearing it. I need to stop worrying so much about how people see me and start focusing on what genuinely makes me happy. I don’t need to be successful by 20 years old—that’s an unrealistic expectation for anyone. Whoever I’m meant to be will come naturally through my experiences, the people I meet, and the choices I make along the way.

Sitting around, overthinking the future, won’t bring me any closer to the answers I’m looking for. If anything, it’s what’s holding me back. The more time I spend worrying about who I should be, the less time I actually spend becoming that person. Growth doesn’t happen in the moments of doubt—it happens in the moments when I step forward, even when I don’t have a clear destination. I don’t want to look back years from now and realize I wasted my time waiting for certainty instead of just living. The only way to figure things out is to experience life as it comes, without overthinking every step.

I may not have all the answers right now, and maybe I never will. But I’m starting to realize that’s okay. I don’t need to have my entire life figured out at 19. What matters is that I allow myself to grow, to experience life without overthinking every step, and to be okay with uncertainty.

Instead of chasing some perfect version of myself, I need to focus on just being—on doing what makes me happy, on letting myself change, and on trusting that I’ll find my way in time. The answers will come, not by sitting around waiting for them, but by living.

“ The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” – Alan Watts

If you could give your younger self advice about figuring life out, what would it be?