Eat What You Want

Disclaimer: I'm not a fucking doctor. Don't bring your pansy-ass on my page looking to blame me for your problems. If you're not smart enough to see a doctor before you take advice from some asshole on the internet, you're not smart enough to read my articles, and that's not my fucking problem. 

Also, if you get your feelings hurt because you're fat, move along. This page is not for you. I need hard truth. Maybe you need it, too. If you want someone to feel sorry for you because you're fat, sick, and out of shape, don't look at me. I'm not your momma. You're a grown-ass adult. It's time you started acting like one.

Life is hard.

Suck it up. 

No one cares about you like you should care about yourself. 

If you have emotional, psyche, or physical issues, that's one thing. (but be honest, you probably don't.)

If you are like the rest of us, no one but you has more control over the condition of your body. 

When are you going to do something about it?

I'm not talking to you 20- and 30-year-olds. You're young and dumb and will be that way for a few more years. 

Besides, your metabolism is probably still working in overdrive or close to it.

Eat what you want.

Assholes. 

I'm talking to you people pushing 40 and 50 and older. 

How many years have you sat around thinking, "I need to lose weight?"

Avoided looking in the mirror?

Struggled into last winter's jeans after a summer of stretchy shorts?

Blown off your diet until the week before you get bloodwork and then eat a salad like you're cramming for a final?

Held your hand out for another prescription to "fix" something? Gimme, gimme.

How many times did you just fork over money, expecting an "expert" to fix your problem for you?

Did you expect them to eat all the right food for you? 

Drink enough water for you?

Pass up on dessert for you? 

To do most of the work for you? Or better yet, all the work?

How'd that work out for you?

Did you like having someone else to blame because you couldn't or wouldn't do it?

Let me ask you:

How many years have you eaten what you wanted?

How many more years do you think you have left to keep doing that? 

50?

10?

Do you think you have time to keep fucking around with the only body you have?

Are you still fat? Still diabetic? Still out of shape? Still stuffing your face with junk food all day? Still smoking?

So how much money have you spent to lose weight?

To learn how to exercise?

To quit smoking?

To learn how to control your diabetes?

How much time did you spend?

How much heartache have you nursed?

How much fucking time did you waste, trying to be better, look better, think better? 

Did you gain a fucking thing? 

Besides more weight?  

Did you learn anything?

Are you even trying anymore? Or are you wishing? Hoping? Dreaming?

How badly did you beat yourself up because you failed? Did you put your brain in a corner and let your emotions take over while you cried it out? 

Did you tell yourself what a piss of shit failure you are? 

Do you still?

Or did you say fuck it, I'm eating what I want?

Again?

News Flash: No one can fix you except you. 

No-fucking-one. 

Anyone with an internet connection can figure out why they're fat and what the hell they can do about it. 

No one can do the work for you. You live in your skin. No one else.

It's not enough to want it, you have to chase it. Make it a priority. Keep it in your brain every damn day.

Associate it with something positive.

Like feeling better.

Looking better.

Getting rid of one prescription a month.

Touching your toes again.

Climbing the stairs without running out of breath.

Whatever you want, you have to think about it often. Like every day. Sometimes every hour or minute. 

That's called mindfulness. Practice it. Every single day.

You Just Have To Start

It's not knowing what to do. It's actually fucking doing it. 

It starts with you. Not me. Not your mom. Not your trainer. 

YOU.

But you have to start

You have to take that first step.

One step.

You can't keep stuffing your face with anything and everything every single day, or every single meal, or every single hour and wonder why you're fat or out of shape or sick. 

If you expect to gain those things, you have to take a chance. Make a change. 

One step at a time. 

One. 

Start with one change. 

One. Little. Change. 

Like?

Put a bottle of water beside your bed before you go to sleep and drink it as soon as your alarm goes off tomorrow morning. Sit up, open water, drink. Then put your feet on the floor and start your day.

One bottle of water. Before your feet hit the floor. Drink the whole thing in one long swallow, if you can. Then get up and go pee, brush your teeth, do the things. 

How fucking hard is that? 

Don't promise to start it next Monday. Just fucking do it. Tomorrow. And keep doing it every morning for one week. 

 After a week, add one more thing. 

As soon as you're done brushing your teeth, on your way to the coffeepot, stop. Plant your feet the same width apart as your hips. Slowly raise your arms above your head and wiggle your fingers like you're reaching for the stars. Stretch as far up as you can. Roll your shoulders up until you feel the stretch. Reach up as far as you can. 

Do that for a minute or two.Now clasp your hands together and lean slowly at your waist to the right. Stretch out as much as you can and lean over as far as you can. Slowly. Raise back up until you're standing straight again. Now do the same on the left side.

Stretch.

Do that a few more times, if you can, for five minutes or so. 

Do it every day for a week.

Every damn day.

Can't do it because of a physical limitation? You can find something you can do. If you're in a wheelchair and your arms work, stretch from your chair. If your arms don't work well, stretch them to their limit every day. Or try rolling your shoulders, or gently stretching your neck. 

Now that's two things you added to your day.

Drink a bottle of water before you get out of bed. Stretch for five minutes.

Keep doing both things for a week.

Now add one more thing. 

Eat an apple with your lunch every day. 

Simple. 

One apple. 

Drink a bottle of water before you get out of bed. Do five minutes of stretching every morning. Eat an apple at lunchtime.

That's three new things.

But you're not done.

Keep going.

What now? Simple. Every day, thirty minutes before your last meal of the day, drink a bottle of water. Guzzle it down as fast as you can. Room temperature water works best.

Do that for one week.

That's four new things you've added in a month.

Drink a bottle of water first thing every morning. Five minutes of light stretching. An apple at lunchtime. A bottle of water half hour before you eat dinner.

Hold steady with that for just a couple more weeks.

You Are What You Say You Are

Good or bad, nobody else gets to tell you that.

It's your life.

Your choice.

Every minute of every day.

Wash your brain with sunshine. Rinse. Repeat.

Corny? Yes. Hell yeah. Who cares?

It's your brain.

Use it.

It begins and ends with you.

Every damn day.

Train your fucking brain.

One day at a time.

It's worth it.

You're worth it.

Or not. It's up to you. If you don't think so, no one else will.

I'm not trying to sell you a damn thing.

Except maybe, show you how a little mindfulness can change your life.

I mean, what's the worst that could happen?

You eat what you want until the day you no longer can.

Like next week or next year.

Who knows?

We all gotta die someday, right?

Might as well go fat and happy and early.