Decisions- consequences and responsibility .

Decisions- consequences and responsibility .

I am 83 years old, in that time I have cause pain and distress to others, but it has never been deliberate. By carelessness, by lack of awareness, by selfishness and by ignorance I have caused mental and emotional pain to others, and I regret that but consider quite often I have not been in control of events- maybe I should have been and so add, by weakness, to my list. I do regret causing emotional stress and worry to others. I realised (way too late) that I have often acted in a way that seemed the best available option at the time, but I had not fully appreciated (or bothered to find??) what effect my actions and decisions had on others not directly involved.

Many times in life, all of us are faced with situations where we have to make a decision, one which will have ramifications for other people; some of those people will benefit others will suffer (that is an over melodramatic way of showing some gain some loose). What influences our decision is our past experience, our education (in its widest sense) our basic belief system and the advice of others-if there is time to receive such advice. The advice we are given will be influenced by the advisers’ own experience, belief system and self-need. In relationships, away from engineering and business decisions, there is usually very little time to seek advice.

I cannot remember causing physical pain to others, but it is possible I did so and maybe I was justified. Causing any sort of pain and distress in retaliation, or in defence of self or loved ones, has to be justifiable or else we allow ourselves and those we have responsibility for and duty to, to be dominated and totally controlled by people who do not have their best interest as their guiding factor.

Life is complex and for most of us it has a mixture of success and failure, joyfulness and pain, being right and getting it wrong. No one is perfect, no one gets it right all the time. While I regret any pain distress and stress I have caused, I refuse to bury myself in guilt and shame. Choices made in the past cause situations to develop in the future, it may not be the situation expected at the time the decision made, but too late now. We cannot change the past, no amount of regret, no amount of blame acceptance will change anything about that decision, (or its consequences) but it may change future decisions.

We are very rarely given the time to fully consider every possible ramification, consequence or effect on all others, when making decisions, we have to use what we know at that time and get on with in. The military have a saying that a plan is only good until the first contact with the enemy. Our plans and decisions are only going to be good until something we did not expect, did not plan for, were not aware of, shows up. Generally, in everyday interaction and social and domestic relationships, that means someone does not react to our plan in the way we expect.

The modern attitude of claiming victimhood, whenever they fail at anything, is a short road to total ineptitude and stagnation. Sure, you may be on the “loss” side of someone else’s decision that happens to everyone at some time but why were you is a position where other people could control things affecting you? What you do about it is important, just claiming not my fault I am the victim and wallowing in self-pity will never improve things, decide how you make the best of the new reality, stop wasting time and emotional energy, being a victim.

Some decisions get made when attention, clarity and fucus are not as they should be. A functioning drunk or drug user may make bad decisions, but they are aware they make them. A total drunk and the spaced-out drug user, is not aware they have even made any sort of decision. Decisions made under great stress, as happens in the military, can have consequences that are undesirable. Responsibility for these must be shared between the decision maker and those putting this level of stress in place.

If anyone is to remain aware of other people’s problems, they have to first be aware of the decisions they make themselves and how these affect any and all those caught up in the consequences. The self-righteous protestor bringing havoc to many others just so they can feel some sort of elation at being so right, so they can claim they are making a difference in public awareness of what is (to the protestor) an important issue, must consider that they bear responsibility for any and all adverse consequences suffered by all the others caught up in their protest.

Decisions lead to consequences and consequences lead to responsibility, even when we intend otherwise, even when we were not fully informed, even when we were mis-informed, even when not in a fit state (emotionally or mentally or physically) to make the decisions; we still bear at least partial responsibility. Get used to it. Learn from it. Do not let it govern the rest of your life, Move on.