Dance to True Self

A year ago on a campsite, this handsome outdoorsman with a manbun and telescope told me about this group called Circus Collective in Denver, CO and a Sunday event they host, yoga followed by ecstatic dance - ecstatic dance being a free form movement. It was a substance free, rave-like event where people would dance, move, stretch and howl to the music. I finally pushed myself to get there, 13 months later ready to explore a new facet of myself. The yoga class was an Acro class, which laid a solid foundation for trust and for new experiences, many people having never done it.

I was nervous as we approached the dance section. There were two rules. 1. No speaking. 2. No touching without proper consent. I couldn’t remember the last time I danced in public freely with no substance. With substance? All the damn time. But to release the layers of what I thought I should be in society and move without a desire to impress? How. . .

It started as a meditation and then the DJ began his rhythmic beats. People began to stretch, crawl and move towards the dance floor. I kept sneaking peeks . . how was I supposed to move? How was this supposed to look? The movements ranged from tango steps to interpretive movement to festival stomping. I knew I would continue to get in my head if I didn’t make my way to the floor. . so that’s what I did. I started with small movements in a contained space away from the DJ. I almost started laughing, almost started crying. I was completely moving out of my comfort zone, quite literally.

I didn’t expect to stay for the two hours, but I did. I was dripping sweat. My movements went from contained to larger than life, moving across and around the floor, my arms spinning above my head, waving around my body. I was free. I was happy. I was me. I started going regularly, finding an even larger group in Denver that met Thursday evenings, lights low and bodies swaying, slinking and swirling to the intoxicating beats. It made sense - the movement was the substance. Without fail, every time I went I laughed and I cried, the music and movement a portal to release pent up energy and emotions.

When we stop trying to prove ourselves to others, we come into our true selves and we are able to receive new experiences; give a better version, a more authentic version of ourselves. I thought - how many people I know could do this? Could let go, truly let go? Not many I believe. . . which is okay. But, I keep thinking about the kind of people I want around me and it’s the free kind - full and real people. I am making changes and getting closer to the spirit that’s always been inside, crushed by the substances and attention I chase.

Till we can again dance body passing body and be free in the most pure of ways. .