A New Me

I have lost weight before. 50 lbs. I went to karate every day of the week. I only ate lean chicken breasts. I took care of my body and drank a lot of water. This was 5 years ago. This was when I was finding out who I really was. I wanted to test my body to the limit, and I wanted to experience everything new. That new me, landed me my hubby today. 4 years of being together, and alas we are blissfully happy. But with happiness also comes… body fat. Research has proven this.

So now it’s time to research and find a new thing that will help me lose 10 lbs and become a healthier and happier me. Alas, because my husband and I now talk through TikTok videos, a sad truth when I comb through our text messages, it’s all links to TikTok videos. I decided, what better way than to reward my behaviour by “researching” weight loss videos.

I combed through so many. There is a TikTok user who makes bigger sized girls wear skimpy shirts and while standing, they suck in their bellies and push it out repeatedly. This makes sense to me. Ultimately, you are working the same ab muscles that sit-ups would do for you. Then I to copy them. My husband walks in, and asks, “What are you doing?” I tell him, “It’s for TikTok.” He shakes his head and walks away. I tried this for about a week without results. So I decide, let’s try a new TikTok Challenge.

I tried the arms up and squat challenge to see if I had a problem with my body. Now picture this, it’s about midnight, your partner randomly gets up and starts to squat. My husband must think I’m a freak. I told him I am working to see if I have any squatting issues, but I think my form is fine. He tells me to get into bed and try it tomorrow when regular people are awake. So off to a new challenge I go.

As I kneel on the floor and push my belly up and down from off the floor, I can’t help but think of the time in the dojo, when one of our sensei’s had us roll around like teapots on mats as the University wrestling team looked upon us and laughed. I still don’t understand the point of that exercise. It was something about flow and balance. I am pretty sure my head is supposed to be clear while attempting this exercise, so I also decided to try meditation.

Meditation and I do not work well. I think quickly, often, and constantly say what is on my mind. My brain is still active at night. My husband tells me I have the weirdest dreams as I once told him I caught flying female ghosts by their heads and karate kicked them down to their death. I swear I was channelling some Jet Li and Jackie Chan. So as I put on a meditation video on YouTube and lay in bed, my head immediately starts to make a list of things I need to do and how I can improve this or that or what I should make for dinner. The video prompts me to focus on my breathing. As I breathe in and out, I start to think about cleaning toilets and the voice says, “Your mind has wandered. It’s normal. Now it’s time to come back.” Suffice to say it also did not work.

My next challenge was to start some of the TikTok dance challenges. I figured, if they can do it, why can’t I? Also, what a great way to get people to start becoming active. There was this clip of a plus sized girl attempting to do a hair whip and moving seductively to the music that was playing. I decided to test it out. My husband watched in horror and suggested it might work better if I let my hair down like the girl in the clip. So I humoured him, knowing that I have two left feet who thinks the other one is right. I took my hair down. He looked even more aghast, if possible. I let out a sigh and told him, “I’ll work on it.”

Maybe I should rethink using TikTok videos as a weight loss technique and go back to my dojo. But what fun would that be?