What exactly is this?

For some reason my family feel that my job as the director of a marketing agency specialising in social media advertising, gives me some kind of capacity to answer ANY question relating to ads that pop up in their news feed. So it was no surprised that I received a WhatsApp at 3am asking, "Van, what exactly is this?". Of course the other reason she thought to send me the picture was that quite frankly, I can't let things go until I have the answer. So there I was at 3am googling elbow nappies....

I can tell you the reason that these weird and wonderful products are targeted to you on social media OR I could just give you the tale of 4 sisters and a journey of discovery one night that led us to learn that you definitely need to measure your toenails, and if you are really lonely the only answer is hugging a giant pigs hoof (maybe, could be anything really).

We all need an elbow nappy, right?

It had crossed my mind before clicking search on the keyword 'elbow nappy', that an elbow nappy is quite possibly the least needed garment of all time. I mean how often do your elbows secrete...well anything. Surely an elbow nappy would come in handy laying on the grass watching the moonlight cinema? Right?

Turns out it's not the latest invention to save your elbows from grass stains. If you look closely behind the SALE overlay, their appears to be a tail of some sort, "but there is only one leg?", was the response from another sister in our family (of insomniacs) WhatsApp channel. The message came from my eldest sister, a doctor, who surely had ALL the answers.

A swift google image search produced the answer we had all been looking for, period undies for dogs, "one legged dogs?", surely that's a little too niche, even for wish! The fun didn't stop there, what else are you going to do at 3am?

I don't know about you but I like my pillows to not look like they could eat me....

This brings me to exhibit B of the never ending case of "who the hell buys this stuff from wish". In fact we still don't know what this is. If anyone can solve the puzzle of why a woman is finding comfort in hugging what looks like the replica of an alien embryo, please comment below.

The shiny, slippery surface looks neither comfortable or comforting, and I can't imagine waking in the night thinking "geeze maybe I don't even need to find a human to share my bed, my giant slug/snot/alien baby will get me through".

What gets me is that it's ON SALE, indicating that at some point someone in the world may have purchased this creature at FULL PRICE.

Ahh the old spin the clothes fold trick. That old chestnut!

Yes I agree, who is still folding clothes? I mean my pile of 18 loads of washing has become somewhat of a treasured family heirloom. In a household of three young children, folding clothes is akin to running around in circles or drinking alcohol free wine, it's a pointless waste of time. The minute they look for one item ON TOP of the draw, they remove every piece of clothing from every draw, EVERY TIME.

If you can save me from my private washing hell with a revolutionary, no need to fold super swirling plastic arm thing, and for only $9, just watch me add that baby to my cart. As my sister pointed out, "let's just buy one and see what it does"? Perhaps this answers my earlier question, "who buys this stuff on wish".

It's not over yet!

At this point I was genuinely jealous of my sisters news feed, all I get are ads from the latest marketing guru's or pictures of friends babies. Now before we discuss tiny robot table butler, I have to let you know I was sadly unable to share the image to the right because it is apparently (I had to look it up) some kind of pleasure tool. I'm still confused as to how a mini vacuum cleaner can give anyone pleasure but moving right along.

Does my toe look big in this?

Ladies and gentlemen we bring you the final piece of the puzzle, the toenail measuring tool that could save you thousands in nail technician quotes. Okay sure, I get that it is an ingrown toenail extractor (eww), but aside from the fungus foot, its so darn cute.

Can't you just imagine it with tiny little wheels on its legs, dressed in a butlers suit, spinning around the dining table offering to salt your greens? At 80% off I actually did add this to my cart, until I realised that I could probably never forgot those toes...

So that brings us to the end of the story, roughly where we all fell sleep and never spoke of dog period undies again. The moral of the story? If you find yourself awake at 3am, don't worry about forgetting to book Johnny into piano lessons, just visit wish.com and wonder at the world. I mean we can put a man on the moon AND invent tiny toenail extracting butlers. Happy shopping!