Tips on How to have a better conversation

In today’s hyperconnected world, it’s surprising how disconnected we can feel during conversations. Whether online or in person, growing polarization around politics, religion, and even everyday topics like food and parenting has led many to avoid certain individuals altogether. This isn’t always about personal differences but often stems from the uncomfortable and divisive nature of discussions they bring.

Historically, we managed to avoid controversial topics, often opting for neutral subjects like the weather. Yet, even these have become battlegrounds, with debates over climate change and health fracturing communities. Our interactions have significantly changed, and unfortunately, not for the better.

The Rise of Polarization

We live in an era marked by unprecedented division. Civil discourse seems a relic of the past, as even minor issues escalate into heated arguments. Politicians, once skilled in diplomacy, struggle to maintain civility. This increasing polarization has made us more rigid in our beliefs and less willing to consider opposing viewpoints. Research shows that our division isn’t only affecting political discussions; it’s reshaping our personal lives. Many now choose friends, partners, and even neighborhoods based on shared beliefs, leading to a loss of opportunities for growth and understanding.

The Lost Art of Communication

At the heart of this divide lies a forgotten skill: the art of conversation. We’ve lost the balance between speaking and listening. Technology has exacerbated this issue, with many preferring texting over face-to-face dialogue. Studies indicate that young people send over 100 texts a day but lack experience in holding meaningful conversations.

One educator’s experiment revealed a shocking truth: students struggle to engage in dialogue without notes. Despite hours spent communicating through screens, they rarely practice the interpersonal skills vital for real-world interactions. This raises an important question: is there any skill more critical today than effective conversation?

The Importance of Meaningful Conversations

From personal experience, I’ve learned that great conversations can occur with anyone, regardless of differing opinions. The key lies in our approach. Every conversation has the potential to inspire and foster connection, but to unlock these benefits, we must relearn essential communication fundamentals.

Here are some guidelines to enhance your conversational skills:

1. Be Fully Present: In our multitasking world, giving full attention to a conversation is crucial. Put away your phone and focus on the discussion. If you’re distracted, it’s better to excuse yourself than to engage half-heartedly.

2. Avoid Lecturing: Conversations should be two-way exchanges. If you’re only interested in sharing your views, you miss the point. Assume you have something to learn from the other person to foster richer dialogue.

3. Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage deeper responses by asking questions that invite thought. Instead of a simple “Did that upset you?”, try “How did that make you feel?”

4. Go With the Flow: Let conversations unfold naturally. When you fixate on your next point, you may lose track of the current discussion.

5. Admit When You Don’t Know: It’s okay to say, “I don’t know.” Honesty builds trust and opens doors to new learning opportunities.

6. Don’t Make It About You: When someone shares a personal story, resist the urge to pivot the focus back to yourself. Conversations are about connection, not competition.

7. Avoid Repetition: Repeating points can feel condescending. Clearly articulate your message and move on, trusting that the other person understood you.

8. Focus on the Core Message: People care more about the essence of your story than the details. Concentrate on the bigger picture and its relevance to the listener.

9. Listen—Really Listen: True listening means being engaged in the conversation. Focus on understanding the other person’s perspective to create meaningful connections.

10. Keep It Brief: Respect the other person’s time by getting to the point while remaining genuinely curious about their views.

Conclusion

Growing up, I learned that everyone has a unique story worth hearing. Each conversation presents an opportunity for insight or a new perspective. So, engage with others thoughtfully, listen deeply, and embrace the beauty of genuine dialogue. You may be surprised by what you discover.